Thursday, December 9, 2010

sorry for the endless posts this night, but...

... what's wrong with eating at McD???

... I don't see anything wrong with it...

... Kak Ain told when she was in COLLEGE when she went for dates with Abang she would go to McD for lunch...

...and what else do you wanna eat? what else is there around to eat? you said yourself that you don't eat here often. well. one place where the food is guaranteed to be awesomely delicious is McD, and we happen to pass by it, why not?

AND IF YOU HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY IT BEHIND MY BACK? And was this the reason you didn't eat your burger? You weren't in for burgers?? Am I the cause of you not eating lunch?

Lea please don't say "Oh, you tetau jelah I, I kan hypocrite," I don't want to be one of those people you tell me about that you befriend them just cuz, and you don't actually like that person. I don't want to be that person. I may not be the type of person who seem to care but I do. I really do care. Especially when it's YOU, who cried when you forgot to give a birthday pack to your best friend, YOU, who was my best friend last year. YOU, who had me hooked on Titanic last year, and also Freddie Highmore, and Josh Hutcherson, and his brother Connor Hutcherson. YOU, who brought a school exercise book/doodle book to the mall. YOU, who would have the weirdest dream on Earth...

I think out of a lot of people I care about how they look at me, you're one of the most important ones.

Change. I hate change. but like we read on Yen Fern's blog, we have to learn to let go, right? Right.

Right now, I'm letting go of something very important. A care for someone very important. I just can't anymore. I can't care about someone who doesn't care about me.

Then how bout that person? I bet that person doesn't a give a f bout you.

that person? that person... I don't know the thoughts of... that person... I've never spoken to... I don't know that person... but she's important, isn't she? But I bet I'm nothing special to her... of course I wish I was... I want to be special... to someone...

why can't the feeling of caring ever be mutual?!?!

you know, something weird happened... I was crying just now, and when I opened my eyes, Comel was looking at me. then she closed her eyes. so I did the same. then when I opened it she was asleep. so I started singing to the radio. wailing, practically, just in a lower volume. then when my tears finally felt like stopping it seemed like Comel nodded at me. like that was the right thing to do - stop crying. it wasn't worth the tears.

i know it sounds totally delusional. well, now I'm going to wail to Lucifer. cuz I feel like it. singing your hearts out is how I let go of all my worries. and a song I know so well like Lucifer? pttch. even better. I know all the words.


and Laila, please do tell Lea. I so want to tell this to Lea, but I don't have the heart. I bet you have the biggest heart ever to tell her, right? yea thanks. and yes, I do want to break her heart just like she did mine, but in a different way? anyways, breaking other people's heart doesn't feel good. at least, not to me, so I do it in a different way. go on. tell your little gossip friend.

oh, you want me to do it myself? sure. soon. okay I was thinking what she would reply, and I think she'd reply with "pegi la britau sendiri!" like she usually does, mean or not. or maybe she wont reply at all. I have no idea really, and why should I care? oh have I mentioned this? I CARE A LOT.

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