Thursday, June 23, 2011

when your pendrive can't be read by the stupid computer.

and the only thing you can do left is blog.

***

So I told my mom, I really did, because she asked me. I already got the speech where she tells me why it's so important to get straight A's in PMR. That's why I was so moody yesterday. This morning, she acted like everything was fine, she forgave me. But then she comes to school all pissed to take my results.

I greeted her with a smile - weirdly after over an hour waiting for her and I finally decide to hang outside 3C with Ika (who was waiting for her mom who was talking to Idah's teacher) and then she came. Then Yen Fern and Eva came and before we got to talk about stalking Ika was all "Elyna your mom! your mom dah datang!!" so I had to go.
and do you know how she responded to my smile? this freaking scary face that looks like she's about to kill me. or maybe the least, slap my head off. I shriveled and slipped my way to the seat where the students were supposed to sit and teacher motioned my mom her seat. and my mom started teasing me hands first.

"So macam mane keputusan teruk anak saya?"

***

I can't believe I actually cried. I haven't cried in awhile, not even in my own room. I'm sick of listening to mom telling me how much I've disappointed her. Does she think I don't know? She's told me like a million times and every single time I feel bad about it. And she keeps saying that my future's dull now. WTF? This wasn't even PMR. When I cried she said "nangis kemudian dah tak gune dah." and I was like, kemudian? This is NOT the end. this ISN'T PMR. I told her to just not say anything anymore (the nicer way of saying shut up) I don't wanna listen. Everything she's saying I've heard. I don't need it, I know. That was the past, and I'm trying to change. Don't compare to Bakmal, we're two different people. and you know he's much more messed up then I am.

urgh. who would understand.

Out.

1 comment:

  1. Brace yourself tomorrow Elyna. For I am going to hug you. Because you're not bad, or messed up. You're a great person, and don't tell yourself you're not, because what's the point of lying to yourself? :) July is coming soon, which means PMR comes in less than 4 months. I know you think you suck for having bad results, but it's called learning from your mistakes. Like you said, forget the past. Focus on PMR. I know deep inside you can do it. Of course you can do it. And just one more thing. Moms can be seriously scared for their own children. So they think every exam counts for the future (which I believe, is not true). It's hard to hear your mom say that, I UNDERSTAND - there was one time my mom almost said the F word to me for doing something wrong. And yes I cried when I got back home. So I decided to do something to make her proud of me, to stop with the F word gibberish. And it worked. Well I don't know if this helped you, Elyna, I hope it did. Try your best in trials and PMR. Because the only thing parents want from us is love. And good results. Well I don't know about PJ and Sivik because my mom doesnt care for those at all. You're just damn brilliant, you are. AND DONT FREAKING DENY IT YOU K-POP GIRL. Love you, bye :)

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