Thursday, January 19, 2012

Day 392;

-a parody to Eva's letter challenge-

Day 392 ; A Letter to Someone You Wish You Could Talk to Right Now.

Dear.... J.

I really feel like slapping you right now.
Okay maybe not. But I'm really angry at you. I had a weird dream last night about you, probably from thinking to much. I don't know if I should just pretend nothing's wrong, cuz I feel like if we don't talk this out I'm never gonna ever forget it and I'll never be able to look you in the eyes sincerely like the other day again.

I almost cried in front of Ili, who I'm not really even that close to. Because I didn't know what to say, when I saw you looking at me and I couldn't look at you back. I wanted to say something, like 'are you okay about yesterday?' or 'you know, I lost my CNBLUE badge yesterday' but I couldn't. not even something that's not serious.

thing is... do you take it as seriously? or is it just another game to you? I mean, from the stories you tell you've probably had much more dramatic moments than yesterday. but yesterday was the most dramatic moment I've had since I entered form 1.
another thing is, why did you suddenly come up with it? I've known for quite awhile now, but I didn't tell you cuz Lea told me not to and you're all denying it and I'm not sure whether to believe you or not, and later you proved my suspicion right when you told me that yes, it's true.

now I'm not sure about all the other stuff you've told me. are you sincere? were all those stories you told true? or are they just made up? I can't tell. I probably should've been able to tell, I can hear it in your voice.

J, please. if there's anything just tell me the truth. you can trust me. I love you so much. I love you as much as I love Ika, who I've known since I was 8, and I've only been close to you since last year. imagine. please. don't make me not care about you anymore.
every time I think about this problem I get sad. and this is really depressing.

I can hold this act of not-knowing up for awhile, but later at Ika and Ida's sleepover.. I hope we can talk about this. I'm worried too, you know. I'm not just angry.

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