Monday, January 16, 2012

I personally hate eye contact.

This had been a fact ever since I started noticing how I avoid looking at someone in the eye for more than 5 seconds. sometimes, two seconds. it's been a state that I'm comfortable with - if no one sees my eyes, no one will know what I'm really thinking. not that I keep much - most of the time I just say what I want when I'm with people who I know will still care about me even if I say weird or mean or bad things. t

Comel!!! haish. stretching plak die.
This should also explain why my eyes are so sepet. lol no lah it's just the way it is. Adilah said it's weird that when I don't wear my glasses my eyes become bigger. most people squeeze it so that they can see better. well if I want to see better I have glasses to help me, right?

Anyways talking about eyes. today was the first day of form 4 Program Maju Diri. we had a whole day of ceramah from this guy some of the girls knew from camp last year about 'Perisai Buat Perempuan' or as such. it's about avoiding simple tactics 'lelaki perosak' use to attract woman for 'privileges'.

so after recess there was one tactic which was through the eyes. 'pandangan mata' or in SA language, 'lirikan mata' (dramatic betul SA girls, kan?). so to explain what the guy meant when he mentioned 'that feeling that you get when you look someone straight in the eye' he told us to pair up and look each other in the eye, like seriously. at first I didn't have a partner. Dina with Ili in front of me, Aina and Ika beside me and Shahira and Ain behind me. this would've been a lot easier with Sya around. but then Shahira said she can't get serious with Ain. she said she wanted to do it with me, so in the end Ain paired with a new kid from her class.
truthfully I don't want you guys to read but.. I want to share. if you guys don't really care about me or had times when you judged me, please don't read this.

ahh, how can I say this? it was really awkward. at first I can't stop laughing of nervousness. I covered my face from my nose bridge downwards with my tudung (because I'm embarrassed to someone who doesn't even know how pretty she is). Then Shahira told me she really wanted to try it so I serious-ed. she even told me to come closer (how very specific to instructions =,= why can't we not follow rules once in awhile?) and.. we looked each other in the eye. awkwardly.

so after awhile the guy told us to say the name of our partner (damn this sounds wrong) in our hearts. it was kinda scary cuz you were looking at the person right in the eye and you called out the name, then you get this sort of warm feeling on your shoulders to the back of your neck, like a shudder. then after a few name callings the guy told us to say whatever we wanted to our partner - whatever that we've kept from that person.
the things I thought of was kinda lame - things like 'I was so happy when you got into Hubble, why do you have to like Yoona so much, you're a girl dammit, I'm sorry I was so scared to befriend you in form 1 and 2,' but after I ran out of ideas I just looked for hints of what Shahira was trying to tell me. but it wasn't in her eyes. it was all over her face. like, she looked kinda angry at me.

just when the guy said 'okay, now you can stop' I was sure Shahira had tears in her eyes, I stayed looking at her for two extra seconds to confirm it. that really freaked me out. what did I do??
after that I couldn't look at her face for quite awhile until I chilled a bit. she was trying to tell me what she thought of right after I turned back to the front but I didn't wanna hear. this wasn't the right place?

later on things went back to normal. we didn't talk about the eye thing at all though. not during Japanese, not after me and Dina ran away from Blue house practice because we didn't bring our PJK clothes and came to the canteen and lepak with them. I was planning to ask her what she was thinking at that time, but then there were Qiqi and Violet with her (Dina went home), so I didn't know how to start it. I asked her if she signed up for PGL crew yet and she said no and I said go and ask Adline la, she's part of crew, and suddenly the topic turned into a gay discussion - lesbian things happening around SA. seriously. how many times have I went through this. I retrieved very 'useful' information and yet didn't manage to ask what was Shahira thinking during the eye thing.
well at least we don't have homework.


Jonghyun looks like U-KISS's Kiseop here??

I like his highlights >w< 
CNBLUE rarely dye their hair light colours, 
but I think highlights like these suits Jonghyun :3
his hair doesn't have to be blazing blue

I love good quality pictures.
Look at how smooth his nose is.

MaknaeXMaknae!! :DD Have I mentioned I totally ship SHINee X f(x)? they're perfect with each other - 5 on 5. although Victoria's older, but SHINee is popular among noonas what :)
but Taemin's face looks a bit pink under that really blonde hair. I prefer his chestnut hair, although the hairstyle of that era sucked wasn't nice. too mushroom-y.


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