Tuesday, February 28, 2012

just 'cause.

when I was watching this the video was just released and the comments were just pouring on. This song caught my ear more than Blue, probably because that song was so fragile. At least this one has a beat. The music video reminds me of Love Song, the whole thing so complex.


I guess I should start updating too. Next week's the March test and I'm starting to understand subjects that had been hard on me like Physics. subjects that I understand in class but don't know if I can apply it in exams, Add-Maths and Mod-Maths. subjects that require a lot of reading, Bio, Agama and Sejarah. what's left? Chemistry was a lot about calculations, BM, BI.. gotten used to writing a lot.. just wonder if I'll make it in time.. no test for Lit, but there's sivik which I think is a waste of time, since it's the only subject left on Friday. I can predict how the class will look like on Friday. for sure there will be a huddle of students who's taking accounts, discussing last minute things. Everyone else will do their own business. Me and Ika, and maybe Maryam will join in will try to study sivik but end up talking about something else.

I haven't been able to practice piano a lot, but that's not really a problem. the bigger problem is my theory. I managed to finish up my homework on Saturdays before, but this Saturday I'll be occupied the whole day, and I'll be busy studying too so I'll try to slit it in somewhere. The exam's in June, I don't know if I'm ready. I guess I can pass but getting A is always better, and that requires 86 and above, which I haven't got in the pass year questions so. /bricked/

I have a bunch of other things to do, or maybe I should say want to do, but I'll just push it all for the March holidays. I don't think it'll be enough ><"


Sunday, February 26, 2012



Parents came back home today. Missed them.

Saturday, February 25, 2012


They grew up so much~~ this must be when they were, like, 11-13 and now they're 17 :') I wonder how much I've grown.

I can't believe I'm turning 16 this year. Time passes by so fast, sometimes when I reminisce things I wonder if it really was three, four years ago. I can't imagine graduating from SA, and entering college. not yet. But the time will come, won't it? the time when we can't play around anymore.

I really don't want that time to come. I want to stay up late till 3am and watch Korean variety shows like this. I want to sleep until 9.30 in the morning, knowing you don't have anything to do that day.
will that time ever come?



p.s, YenF I'm sorry but I have no idea when I'm gonna blog about the Darkness essay. let's just say it's a story ^^ I'll let you read before I hand in~

Friday, February 24, 2012

statement post.

B.A.P. has a huge secret. Everything had been planned before they debuted, right? The bunnies. Daehyun's mask. too many secrets. hopefully it won't get as sickening as EXO's amount of teasers (reached 20 recently).


I haven't studied crap for the March test.


I had a strain whether to go for crew in PGL or the Interact concert. I think I've decided not to do any. still considering PGL, but ICC, probably not. it's more of a social event and we all know how I am with PJ's social events.


Remember the Chinese guy that I talked about that took a photo with me + Arshvina + Regina? well Aina had resources from Sri Utama who told her that he's actually a bit on the soft side. Although the other's reactions weren't that good, I just smiled.
it was more like, "Oh, so that's how it is~"


I wonder how Zelo looked like before they dyed his hair.


I noticed that to be a good writer you should think differently. To actually get a story published on the other hand needs a lot of guts, connections and a society that can except your work.
Apparently I don't live in this type of society.


I wish I had the voice to do covers. Eva did it. Sya did it. even Ain's younger sis, Dila did it.


Chatting with Sya. miss her. Hubble's not the same without her.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

burn burn burn burn.

I can't help but notice how much fun Jongup had. 
then later on starting from 29th performances he just looked plain tired. sigh. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I say, you got the wrong number.

today we had a program where we had to sit in the hall and listen to mature speeches, which I'm not really up to, since I'm in a state where I can't prioritize between going online and finishing my karangan, but went through with anyway - with the help of Catching Fire, of course. I wouldn't be able to sit straight from dozing off if I didn't have that saviour of a book.

in the morning we all knew that we wouldn't be doing much learning anyway, what with it starting off with us giving away our chairs for the hall. Ika asked "How are we supposed to sit?" I didn't get her question for awhile until we got to class and there were no choice but to either sit on the floor or on the table or stand up. I decided to go into my book and sit by the door when a prefect told us to go to the library. it was supposed to be PJK, but I guess teacher could sense that we're not into getting sweating today.

afterwards we did an experiment during Bio, very short but good enough. which reminds me to call Ika and remind her to bring a potato tomorrow. when we were told to sit under the tents the first thing I notice is the tables with other schools' name on it. when I sit down I notice the Sri Utama students on our right. why didn't I figure out that there was gonna be other schools? I prepared only to sleep and read and eat, not to stare down on cute guys and possibly making conversation if I knew any of them, which brings more preparation like shaving (it affects our odour, people!) or cleansing my face or sleeping early so that I wouldn't have eyebags.

after our 'breakfast' (it was just a Gardenia bun, although people from District 12 would've appreciated it well) that they gave in bags along with a notebook and I suppose others had a water of bottle but mine didn't have it. it's okay though, I brought my water bottle. and also the book so the bag helped me carry those. took sometime to find seats for eight in a row, so in the end we had to sit separately, but thankfully 4 by 4 and we were just in front/back of the other. the funny part was when we weren't sure where to sit (the space for our school didn't have enough seats so some of us had to sit at the back) and while we were walking suddenly Pn. Ngau was scolding us, telling us not to step on the red carpet. I saw her waving around a red and white container and when I saw the half-eaten sandwich inside, me and Ili immediately laughed. that's Shahira's tupperware. she was gonna hit someone with, I swear. when Pn. Ngau was out of sight all of were laughing our guts out.

the row in front of mine was supposed to be for Sri Utama students, and all I was hoping for was that girls would be sitting in front of me, and yet the wish was not fulfilled. thankfully the people in front of me weren't so tall, one of them might be just around Ili's height, but they were type of guys who gave unnecessary comments loudly. although most of the time, at least they weren't noisy. just chatted once in awhile among themselves and they didn't disturb the speeches. and some of the comments although rude I find quite funny. just, not to laugh about in official events like this.

Eva and I were passing a paper earlier in the event, discussing a parody for Taylor Swift's Safe and Sound. as expected, it was about food. it turned out quite good, actually. Eva said she wants to put it in YouTube. then I had an idea just now about making a video for it. like we can just buy the kuey teow at canteen and the window scene can be from a class. was about to suggest the cabin class but then I remember all the grills. it would be so fun >w<

I remember during the speech about Islam the guy stressed on the words 'Gay, lesbian, bisexual' and the guys probably from BB started hooting. I frowned. masalah ke diorang ni? mentally challenged? these people are Dr.s, professors, not your seni teacher. the guy who was giving the speech mentioned "Sebelum ni tak ada pula tepuk tangan, agaknya budak-budak sekarang ni memang suka benda-benda macam ni." which, to me, means that he got the impression that PJ students are really of low quality. I could have facepalmed then and there. dammit I wasn't listening to the speech neither but at least keep quiet and pretend like you take this seriously.

had lunch. the place was so crowded, Ika and I walked rounds just to search for Ain, Ili and Shahira. although I saw Shahira went to take her beaten-out sandwich, I expected her to come back but she didn't. found them in the gazebo and discussed whether we were eating or not. decided some of us are eating, but all of us should go anyway, but then discovered that was a bad idea so after they got fruits they went back. I went to the toilet to wash my hands where there were two long lines. most of them were Sri Utama students who had already finished their food. they were complaining bout how small the water is. "Sekolah besar, air kecik.."
bish, there's a thousand plus students in this school all using water at the same time, what do you expect? dah menumpang sekolah orang tu takyah la banyak comment.

finished lunch, went to pray then went back to the hall for another speech. this time the TPM was present. I guess people would be proud to say the TPM visited their school but my reaction to this was neutral. I remember when he got on the stage he raised his hand and waved, smiling democratically. I looked at Ika and  Ika looked at me. both of us cringe. actually slept this time. tried to make sure I don't look stupid by covering my face with my tudung. it's 50% guys here, so kena la jaga image sikit.

when the event ended and the TPM were shaking hands with some of the students, me and Dina stayed behind, not really caring who shook hands with him and who talked to some of the high-positioned people. I remember the cameras' flashes, taking pictures like shooting bullets from a shotgun. this is gonna be in the news, and our school's name is gonna be everywhere. if only more people asked me where I go to school. but hearing that I'm not in a boarding already turns them off from the idea. except for some PJ people my parents know.

when we were allowed to go out and have tea, it was obvious none of us are really that hungry (how can we be? we haven't done anything. unlike prefects who go around making sure the students are behaving. they're always busy bees. I remember Ila not having lunch and had been feeding off a bottle of soya since breakfast.) so we just stood around, looking at people. when suddenly Ashwini the prefect calls out "HAH ELYNA~ COME HERE~" and I'm just like wtf.

I thought she wanted me to do a favour but then she told me to go to teacher and she told me a reporter wanted to take a picture of a group of students from different races. saya mewakili kaum Melayu. muahaha. although I didn't mind taking the picture, I somehow felt bad cuz I'm sure one of my friends would do a better job like Aina or Ain or Shahira since they're so pretty, but then Aina was wearing her KP uniform and Ain and Shahira were nowhere to be found at that moment. so I went along with it. they found an Indian girl from some school then we pulled Regina as the Chinese. I didn't even notice about my appearance when she mentioned how bad she looks. I fidgeted my tudung.

later came two Chinese students, one girl another a guy prefect. I didn't get a good look at his face when the photographer instructed he only needed one and the girl left, leaving the guy squeezing behind me. it was incredibly uncomfortable. I don't know that guy, nor know how he looks like and he's leaning on my arm like we're pals. later Arshvina joined us just to fill in the spaces. we were supposed to look at a brochure and act natural. totally not natural (obviously). I didn't know any of them well enough to make a decent joke, so all that's left was commenting awkwardly about the brochure. I felt like dying.
then we were supposed to talk to each other 'comfortably'. it ended up only the guy and Arshvina asking each other's names. I noticed some of the girls are actually making new friends and not just talking to guys they know, so this must be how it starts off. and here I am, an awkward penguin who wouldn't even talk to her old schoolmates.

later we were asked to write our names. and I noticed the guy was cute. the nerdy type of cute, I guess. then Nuryn pulled me over and said she was drooling over a hot reporter the whole hour and I'm just like "I think I know who you're talking bout ;D" when Nuryn pulled me behind him to stalk him Ili, Ain and Shahira were already there, stalking him first. Nuryn said she already put dibs on him. when we told Ika and Ida they just called us desperados. =3=

a bunch of us were holding balloons and Ida was one of them. suddenly we hear a girl's balloon pop, leaving her with only two. Ika told Ida to just give hers to the girl, and since the balloon was with me (am I just the most awkwardest penguin or what?) I threw it to the back, hoping somehow the girl gets the idea that it was meant for her. but it didn't go to the girl (hold yourselves) instead it hit the guy who was with me in the picture in the face -insertepicfacepalmhere- apparently I can get more embarrassing than this. just, not today. that was probably the most embarrassing for today.

so we gave the balloons to the girl after apologizing to the guy >//////< Ida got immediate replacements but they were filled with helium, and Jia Yi were showing us how they played with helium. her voice got squeakier, and Eva told me hers went up to sounding like a chipmunk >w< it would've been so cute~ I wanna hear.

so moving on to who I met - or maybe I should say saw. first was Sree and Shahfri, coming from Samad. then I saw Jes (Samad), Timothy (BB), Bazil (Samad), that guy that likes to sit with girls in tuition (BB) and Arshad (not sure), in no particular order. I thought I saw a girl who looks like Joy but she was from Sri Utama so I was wrong. during lunch saw Lip Jun (BB) and Yen Peng, a choir senior (she played the piano) who's in form 6 at BB now. actually saw quite a number of SSPians in BB or Samad but I either never had spoken to them or don't remember their names. some of them got thinner, some are still as fat as before, some looked more nerdy, some got a lot taller.

I think my group was more hyped about Arshad. we literally teased Ain all the way. Bazil passing by? "AIINN, OHH AINN" Arshad coming to talk to her? give way for the boy. Ain is practically the most popular one in our group, so we make use of it as much as possible for entertainment. sorry Ain ><" sometimes I pity that boy. everyone knows him yet he can't say a full sentence to Ain. sigh.

got home, hit the bed. just when I thought I caught up with sleep, now I've just wasted about four hours. what's gonna happen to me T T

Monday, February 20, 2012



Sunday, February 19, 2012

funny thing, the future.

a prediction about allkpop.com, a website that posts K-POP news, 24/7 - literally. they post about almost anything from tweets to what they wore in airports to new MVs.
see, I found a number of emotions in this post. Mostly humour, but in the end I felt kinda sad.

first box - one of the most humourous. it is annoying, ya know. Hubble sincerely thinks each member will be getting 10 teasers each, so 120 teasers for EXO! == Kai already reached 9, or maybe more I haven't been noticing, so I wonder if Kai's gonna be the only highlight in EXO, like most Boyfriend MVs where they highlight mostly the maknae line. oh yeah, I forgot to mention Kai's the maknae and the leader. I mean, of course I have no real problem with this, our leader Sya is in the maknae line too, but in sense of respect to elders which is quite a big thing in Korea (just look at the amount of honourifics they have), it seems funny, don't you think?
seriously, if EXO doesn't debut by March I'm seriously considering becoming a SMent anti.

second box - this brings me joy. U-Kiss had been in the industry ever since 2008 and they had never won number 1 in any music show, at all. I think the highest they got was 3rd with Neverland (or maybe some other song, I was a fan only from Shut Up) so seeing this made me smile. K-POP fans all know that U-Kiss had only been out of luck, maybe released the songs a bit too early or too slow, having to compete with other artists. they're songs are awesome, we all know that. they deserve to win.

third box - since it was the last, it struck me the most. I forgot, that every Korean male have to enter the army at the age of 20-30, even if you're a lil late like Hyunbin (he entered just recently at the age of 31). and imagining adorable, girly Sungjong in the army... it makes me sad.
it also reminds me that all the skinny guys I see now would buff up some day, like Donghae and Kim Jonghyun. even Taemin has the possibility of gaining more weight as he gets older.

and also, it reminds me that Jonghyun only has 7-8 years left, in which at a time, for a period of two years he has to go for military service.
dammit, Jonghyun, you better take good care of yourself.


I recommend you listen to this with earphones. It's a bit long, but it will surprise you.

Friday, February 17, 2012


something special.

I wish no one who can't appreciate things I do as much as I appreciate it likes stuff that I like. Like The Hunger Games. I don't want anyone who just like THG because of the actors. or someone who reads the book after watching the movie. I will feel slightly offended that they read it because the movie was good or anything. because they don't know. the feeling of when you first read the book. it's scarier than how it seems on screen. Katniss's feelings and thoughts. it can't be expressed as well as on the pages itself.

I don't want Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift to be popular on the radios, like Paramore's Decode. a good song scratched by the fact that it owns to Twilight. also Bruno Mars' It Will Rain. sometimes I like the fact that they don't play K-POP songs on the radio much. if it does get played then it will be tagged as one of those songs that everyone knows and sounds exactly the same as any other song they hear every day. 

Sometimes I find satisfaction in sending my friends to the unknown about songs I like and they don't even know who sings it. like Wrong Number. everyone knows Mirotic, but does everyone know DBSK had another song after that? not if you're really interested in DBSK. well I was, but ever since they broke up the quality of their songs had lowered a bit (in my opinion). watching old videos when they were a five makes me sad, holding on to the small possibility that they'll come back together again.

sometimes I'm a bit disappointed with how the Korean entertainment works. I recently found out that SM actually bought Juliette from Disney. it was originally Corbin Bleu's Deal With It. two years after that song died off they bought it, added Minho's rap and make people fall for SHINee, not knowing that the song was actually made of money. and now they made a Japanese version as if they had given birth to such a success, when the sperm actually wasn't from the claimed father. When I found out SNSD's Run Devil Run was originally Ke$ha's I wasn't all too disappointed, I'm not really a SNSD fan but I'm sad for the SONEs out there that don't know. thing is, most 'bought songs' cases are from SMent, who are one of the most popular companies out there. it's sad, really.

recently, FNC Music changed to FNC Ent. after signing a contract with an actor I don't know and Jonghyun and Jungshin have possibilities of appearing in dramas. I'm proud of my boys, really. whoa. about to promote CNBLUE there. I don't want anyone to be falling over CNBLUE any time soon.

were tweeting and saw Xueh Wei's comment on people who imagines Peeta as Josh. I guess I don't even really know Josh that well anyway, I just like how he looks and how well he acts and Jesse, his character in Bridge to Terabithia. but I guess what she meant was the image is not the same. the built is the same, but I bet most people expected Peeta to have nice huge innocent eyes. Hutcherson did have those, but then he grew to shrink them XD 

there's too much about the movie that I don't like. the casting (they should pick an actual teenager, not a hot actress for Katniss' role), the colour. it all seems so wrong, yet Hutcherson manages to make me accept it. I would never disagree to make this into a movie, it's epic. but it all just seems so wrong. like how they put Avatar. real-life bending would be so cool, but everything else just ruined it. sometimes a producer/director's head is just not as good as a reader's head. also anime-lover's mind. I wonder if people who loved mangas hated their drama versions as much as this.

I miss editing videos. now I even have some good (non-KPOP) songs that I can use to edit K-POP MVs but I'll need a lot of practice (and really quality videos lol). seeing all those quality edits.. I wish I could do the same. 

did you know CNBLUE's having a fan-meeting tour around Japan? in the second most recent one, Jonghyun took off his tee and threw it to the crowd and walked off coolly backstage. there was a picture of the shirt, and it had sweat at the armpit area. the fan must be excited to get my husband's sweat. not angry or mad at JBoices, was excited when I first heard about it, but now I'm just waiting for a fancam or something of his body. I bet it's whiter than milk. I bet he has packs - that's what some said. I bet it's totally worth it, even if it's just a glance. just to know, ya know. sigh. 

why is no one updating their blogs I feel lifeless sigh.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


today we had a few interesting lessons. first of all during Mod Maths I was waiting for teacher to say something important so I read The Hunger Games. I was at a good part, and I was so into it when I hear familiar laughs outside my class. of course I didn't look out or anything, it could be anyone. then suddenly I hear "L, O, V E Girl~~"
I had to turn. obviously, as expected, Ili, Ain and Shahira were passing by and stalking me. I can't help but laugh. I love sitting near the door, really. you can see all the people and teachers passing by, you control the fan and lights (although people rarely ask me to do anything, they do it manually - because walking is better than shouting.) and this. having weird friends who try to put a smile on your face.

after that we had English, and teacher asked me to read my poem and as I stood up I shook. literally shaking, until the end of the lesson. I don't know if anyone can see the tears that form and my teeth chattering afterwards. teacher asked the other people who they dedicate their poem to and other stuff, but thankfully she asked one question and let me sit. I wonder if she saw me shaking.

Then later she told us to write our current problem on a piece of paper and to not write our name. when done, fold it and put a symbol to show that the paper is yours. we put our paper into a small cone and take another person's. the paper I got said 'Scotland' instead of having a symbol. mine was a guitar. the problem written seemed like a joke to me, but I answered it as seriously as I could. when we all finished, teacher told us to put the paper somewhere visible on our table and 'sleep'. when she touches your shoulder you can wake up and search for your paper. I think I was one of the few last ones. the paper I answered probably was Adlina's or Ilana's. I have a feeling ... someone I know answered mine. the writing was familiar...

if you answered the paper with the guitar, OWN UP! I KNOW IT'S YOU!
why? because... it felt like she was scolding me. she kept telling me to apologize and I'm like  ...I already apologized XD I guess because it was an old problem that I can't stop thinking about so. It's sort of like I've already put iodine to the cut, now all that's left is to heal so. I shouldn't have put that problem ><" other than homework I actually have no problem whatsoever. or maybe the chores things what with my parents not around and all but I don't know how someone can solve this problem.

Ika told me Sangeetha answered hers, and I looked through it and Ika actually listed down like four problems XD I liked one of the answers, but I didn't like two. it was funny, Ika said, because when she found her paper Sangeetha actually saw her taking it back and they caught each other's eye and it was awkward so.
the most important thing about this is that someone who doesn't really know you would try her best to help with your problem. shows how caring everyone actually is.

then during Chemistry we had to count rice. it was an opening to learn about moles. not those nasty body moles, but a certain number (6.02 x 10 power of 23) is considered as a mole, because atoms can be so small that this number is only 18ml of water molecules, while this number for grains of rice can cover the whole Earth, up to 75 meters thick (I think that's the number). so it's sort of telling us how small atoms really are. counting the rice was interesting but later on I had to doze off for awhile - Chemistry is not all interesting, just these small things.

having problem getting in the mood to practice the piano after missing three days.
*edit. due to my stupidity, or maybe it was the lack of concentration, I have misspelled mol. yeah it's just mol without an e.

Monday, February 13, 2012

friendship poem.

I wonder if I'm the only one who remembers.

well last week our English teacher told us to write a poem about friendship, or search one up in the internet. I can only think of J. I couldn't find one that I could really relate to, since J was probably one of a few friendship problems I had, so I wrote the poem. sort of.

Red skies cloud over me.
Guilt rains down and I can't do anything but run
running from the truth
that I had done you wrong.

You yell at me to stop
you tell me the rain has ended
and the sky had turned blue again.
Why don't you run after me
if you really mean it?
How do I know when I can come back
without being poured,
drenched in the mistakes I've done?

I'm sorry I messed up.
I hope you know it's only because I care.
Time passes as the rain take its time to stop.
It won't until you have fully forgiven me
forgiven me enough to reach out and pull me under the blue skies.
-Lynn M.

I hope it doesn't sound too emo ><"

no title available.

today I didn't come to school because I went to send my parents to Umrah this afternoon. they were questioning how they're supposed to pick me up and I was wondering until which period does my attendance count so I decided to not come at all. the only bad thing about this is that now I'm a bit back-tracked and I'm not doing much to help it. plus my parent's absence is also adding a bit of responsibility for me, like I have to do the laundry, and with an average of 9 hours in a day spent in school and Abang and his family washing here too, I'm a bit worried bout when I'll get my clothes washed. maybe I'll just dump my school uniform every time it needs washing right after school and leave the others in the basket for the weekends.

the ten minute period of when I last saw mom, I was kinda sad. I know two weeks is gonna pass by quickly, that's what's been in my head for the past few weeks, but ya know. I'm gonna miss mom. I'm gonna miss going back home after school to see mom in front of the TV, telling me to eat while I walk upstairs to clean up. now I've to go to my mom's office until 5.30 when my brother goes home.

so then I went to my mom's office to print and photostat some stuff (please tell me I'm not the only one in Eng Lit who hasn't printed out her text) when I got a random friend request from a person called 'Fee Bee'. one mutual friend. I didn't check and immediately denied the request when she messaged me.

man do I wish a I have a reaction GIF to this.
oh wait I do.

went to house practice and went for senamrobik. I do not wanna get stuck in kawad again this year. the only reason I entered kawad was because I didn't wanna look stupid plus it's usually open for form 4 and 5 but they give exception for a few form 3s and compared to other people, I'm not as good. so this year I'm just taking the chance while I have friends who wants to go with me. ie Idah, Aina, Dina, and surprisingly Laila was there too.

I gave it my all when they say they're gonna audition us with this dance sequence. technically it's not hard nor is it simple, and if they teach us patiently like this, I think I can get a hang of it :) the audition was postponed to next week and I'm just scared I'll forget the steps by then. will have to practice with Idah XD

so I finished The Hunger Games during the weekends, and I was right to leave the sighing thing for the third book. it definitely didn't feel like an ending at all. I got the second book from Nadhrah just now (she was all "WHERE WERE YOU?!" on me) and we discussed Peeta VS. Gale, and I chose Gale.

see, it's pretty much like the Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson, my fandom towards Hutcherson. although I like Hutcherson, doesn't mean I like Peeta. to me, he's kinda soft. I mean I don't necessary dislike him or anything, I just prefer Gale, who's better at everything from Peeta, except for talking probably and baking. and don't take me comparing Twilight and Hunger Games too seriously neither, cuz I know The Hunger Games is better. at least there's no sparkling men.

also I've watched trailers, and I don't really like it much XD I guess I expected it to be... darker. but I guess it can't be any darker than that. so this is how Harry Potter fans feel like when they think the movie isn't as good as the book. but since I haven't seen the movie yet, I have no right to judge so. heck I haven't even finished the whole series.
I just hope when the movie comes out it won't be yet another mainstream thing. I know Hafizah said mainstream should be used more carefully but I this deserves it. The Hunger Games should not go mainstream. I don't even want other people to read it, I'm comfortable with the amount of people who has read it. the only person I want to catch into this world is my brother. he was a Harry Potter fan and I have a feeling he would be able to appreciate this just as much.

well, back to homework.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

how I feel in some days.

peeta bread.

well, first things first, road run today was good, resulting to a very bad headache and a never ending Hunger Games reading marathon. I got a red card, means I got 3 marks, which most of my friends got too so at least I got more than one this year :> Blue house got first in whole <3 proud of Blue, seriously. this will definitely fire up my spirit for senamrobik this year ;)

you can see me, sort of. Glad I was in front XD You can see Aina quite clearly. Aina, Nadhwah, Syaira and Divya.

when I got home I didn't shower, I let my hair dry out first. had lunch and read Hunger Games. had a headache, so I prayed then slept to get rid of it, but it didn't work. when I woke up I showered, took Panadol and went out to buy some reference books and Renjer Guide's blue scarf. kinda happy Bakmal kept his old reference books, at least I saved on most subjects. I just needed Bio and Chem (cuz he just had his notebooks and it was kinda messy). Agama, Sejarah, Add Maths and Physics were all available. new set of reference books, yay. it kinda gives me a reminder that we're not kids anymore - it's for real, we're studying for SPM.

The Hunger Games if very addictive. every time I read any parts with Peeta in it I just thinking of  Josh Hutcherson being him. I know there are bigger Peeta fans out there, but I'm not a Peeta fan - I'm a Hutcherson fan, and The Hunger Games fan, mainly cuz I like all the characters who aren't a career tribute. (but I saw the cast and Cato looks hot. the boy tribute for District 3's cute too, but he's supposed to be one of the weaker ones with a good brain though so.) I keep fangirling at every PeetaXKatniss scene too. when they allied I was jumping up and down in joy for them. well technically I haven't been able to finish the book, close it, put it down and sigh "that was a good book" but I'm holding that in for the third. plus, I have a feeling Peeta's gonna die. idk Dina said the third book is gonna be sad and that's the worst scenario I can think of right now.

argh I forgot I'm supposed to finish off Running Man. I hope mom gives me a break tonight. feels like there's no night I can do whatever I want without worrying bout being tired the next day.

just call me the barn girl.

Friday, February 10, 2012

cepat, quick, pali, hayaku.

jum jum jum sjafjashKA!!

firstly, Eva I listened to Shiningray, sorry to say it doesn't catch my ear T T

secondly, road run tomorrow. I have no strategy, no one to run with, and utterly confused between being competitive and going as an emo girl or being the happy friends-first girl and run with Hubble. the only one in Blue with me in Hubble is Aina, and Dina hangs with us too so. I guess I can just talk bout the Hunger Games with Dina and fangirl bout Josh Hutcherson being in it. while jogging. muahaha. 

truthfully I wanna get at least the red card, I mean I had never gotten a card before, and that's just sad in my opinion. I want Blue to not get last anymore!! :'( but really, do you think I can really do it? the other day during practice we were just breeze walking and I felt really tired. 
I know what most main characters would say though. Naruto. Sora. Luffy. Haru. 
seriously, the most over-used word in the Japanese entertainment world XD

thirdly, I just got into Part 2 of The Hunger Games and all the blood and knife talking is really starting to freak me out. I can already see myself squirming in the cinema. we all know how much of a winny I am when it comes to knives and blood. but this book it too interesting to ever give up, sincerely. I wanna write like this. 

fourthly, I watched B1A4 Sesame Player ep.1. B1A4 never fails to make me laugh. apparently Sandeul is a real crusher and he likes a sunbae-nim ;A; hopefully not a noona, but I doubt it. he's quite old for a rookie last year anyway (1992'er). but really Gongchan is not like one of those babo Koreans who act really stupidly for entertainment. much like Minwoo, he's actually quite smart, looking behind all his aegyo.

fifthly, I wanted to talk about Hubble ><" honestly this was supposed to be a Hubble post or maybe rant, but mom said I need a lot of rest if I want to get that red card so. well it'll have to wait, Hubble. maybe tomorrow when I'm supposed to update bout the road run, I'll post bout Hubble instead.

sixth, and also lastly, I'm going to watch Running Man ep. 79 as Ain told me to do yesterday but I didn't cuz I was watching BLUESTORM online last night (mom says I can't buy the DVD, therefore this is my last resort). also maybe if I'm not too tired maybe I'll continue Listen to the CNBLUE concert I was watching this afternoon but failed cuz I was too tired. saving 392 for the last ;)


Thursday, February 9, 2012


Well just some random updates.

#nowreading I've been trying to get to it for awhile now, ever since like last year people had been talking bout The Hunger Games Trilogy. Iman N, Dina, Xueh Wei, and Nadhrah had been fangirling on her blog a lot. I mean I already watched the freaking trailer lol. But because I don't want to be one of those 'mainstream' people who're just waiting for the movie, much like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson (seriously I'm starting to give up waiting for the next movie. I might just start reading the books and imagine them as Logan Lerman). 

Truthfully, I understand why people can't put this book down. I'm both scared to get to the when they have to kill each other (especially Katniss and Peeta, they are so cute) but I'm also loving all the detail she's putting into how the 'future' of North America will look like. I might just grab a map whenever she starts telling what the districts used to be called. But what I don't like is my speed =__=" just call me the slowest reader that ever considered reading a book this thick. The thickest books I've read was like Vampire Diaries (don't judge, it was new then so I just gave it a try) and maybe books by Sarah Dessen. 

lol I don't know why but I love it when someone sees me bringing the book around and suddenly goes 'Hey, you're finally reading it!' and I'm like yeah, finally.

#nowwatching Currently downloading Running Man episode 79. Ain keeps pressing on all of us how awesome Running Man is. my first impression when I watched the episode with SNSD at the sleepover was that I don't know any of them other than that grasshopper guy. the tasks seem really hard and I get annoyed easily when they have to do it over and over again. but hopefully this one is a bit better. Ain said the concept was Sherlock Holmes, and they played the whole thing on a cruise ship so. sounds interesting enough.

also I'm gonna download Pit-a-Pit Shake after this. it has Joon so hopefully it's interesting XD the teaser looked really funny. I love Joon's variety shows. he is hilarious. MBLAQ shows are always funny. they're great entertainers. their Hello Baby seems really cute too :3 the love-hate relationship between Leo and Joon & Lauren and Seungho is so cute. but I'm not planning to watch the whole thing =__=" 
too many things to watch. I'm also waiting for Boyfriend's W Academy subs. also waiting for B1A4's Sesame Player subs. then I queued all the TA-DAH!s too like MYNAME and B.A.P.'s (maybe I should delete MYNAME's. I only wanted to watch all the SeJin parts anyway. I heard they kissed or something lol.

#nowlistening since I don't wanna waste my phone's battery for music (saving it for homework time) I'm listening to the songs I haven't put into my phone, which are Vocaloid songs actually :) I asked Eva to recommend a few and she listed a bunch of them. out of all those I only liked three.. gomen ne, Eva-chan. watashi wa Double Lariat mo, Tori no Uta mo, Jinsei Reset Button ga sukidesu. mo, Truth + Lies desu. I found it myself from browsing through your list. truthfully I don't really like those where the vocals sound very obvious that they're not human, like Magikata no Chou's starting scared the s--- outta me. instrumental sounds like Double Lariat's are nice :)

please correct my Japanese if I'm mistaken T__T

other complications, well I promised my mom I would only spend RM 200 of my PMR money for K-POP stuff but I'm not really sure what I should buy. I'm not gonna rant on the things I want and list down every pro and con here, I have to finish off Running Man then practice piano then lipat baju before 6.30 so I'm just asking for a Boice or a sensible person with some extra time to help me out here T_T 

Monday, February 6, 2012

Sunday, February 5, 2012

just because I'm bored.

I really need to talk to Sya right now, but she's not online, nor is her phone fixed so. asdfghjkl. I'm going crazy.

Jonghyun likes the lyrics of this song. Yup call me stalker.

my fav part:
"My favorite food is fried chicken
Oh, and also my mom’s homemade chicken with ankake sauce,
But neither of them can win, neither rival you.
If you were the meal, then I could have
50 helpings of donburi - though if I say that,
You’ll say something like “well then, try it,”
But that was all just a metaphor.
Well if I’m told to do it, since I’m a man,
Since Furano is cold, since I like you,
Since I want you to understand me just a little bit…
By the way, I don’t mean anything weird by “meal,” so don’t hate me, okay?"

so cute~~

Seeing Taecyeon like this makes me laugh. He looks so adorable looking nervously at those girls~~



tall, slim and slender.

I am so crazy over these body types. In this video particularly, Kwangmin, the most left, looks the best. But Youngmin, the most right, still my bias <3 I am going gaga over Boyfriend, all of them are so cute <3

Friday, February 3, 2012

about growing up.

Things I Like About Growing Up.

5. You learn to not expect things to go your way. You learn everyone has a decision on how your life will go, either directly or indirectly, no matter how much you control it. Everyone has a say, whether they know it or not.

4. You start realizing things like there are very useless people out there, that not everyone is wanted in this world or that Malaysian politics, or most politics out there really are stupid and superficial, or cats can never be as easily trained as dogs, especially when they get older. (btw, Comel is turning 7 this year, in human years [x7] is 49. you old kitty you.)

3. You stop having fluids running out of your nose every time you cry.

2. You start understanding more things that you didn't before like why our parents are so over-protective over us and why education is important and why you should do time management and prioritize. (even though so you can still act like a little kid and do important things in the last minute)

1. You become more mature and stop troubling other people. You learn to do your own things and let people do their things. It makes the whole world come to peace.

Things I Hate About Growing Up.

5. People expect more from us. People expect us to be so matured and never are we allowed to have fun once in awhile and just watch Spongebob.

4. You can never realize it when someone you love doesn't love you back. We become blinded, don't we? No matter how mature we are.

3. You still have fluids when you have a flu.

2. Parents or people we understand in general might not ever actually understand us, or understand that we understand. They think we never did grow up and treat us like we're still 5.

1. Grown ups are the ones who trouble people anyway. The more powerful a person, the more they decide to trouble people for their own selfish reasons. People don't learn when they're doing something wrong, or since they're older they decide they can do whatever they want. Those type of people are grown up, but never will they mature.

*This is my own opinion on things, from what I've been through. Maybe you have other opinions, ya know.

Thursday, February 2, 2012


"Give it some time. You guys will be okay."

"Just give her some time. She'll forgive you."

"In three days it'll be over, I bet."

I'll give her all the time I can give. As long as it doesn't kill me. I just wanna be close friends with her again. I just don't want her to look at me that way again.

the thing bout the year 2012.

this song suits the mood I'm in right now.

First of all, form 4 is definitely stressful. what with the new subjects to get used to. People keep saying if you don't concentrate now you'll suffer in form 5, which I think had been proven true. I mean, it's different from PMR, when you still have form 2 to redeem yourself, and you're already been studying the same subjects for the past three years. But SPM, you have form 4 to get used to the subjects, then form 5 you have to master it already.

I looked at my class at the end of the day today. Ika was already sleeping behind me, and Iman was being all emo from not being able to understand the lesson. the rest of the class just looked plain tired and messy - and some of them even had extra-curricular after this. if we had Mod. Maths earlier today we could've possibly answered all these simple factorization problems - we are the creme de la creme, as my mom says. but we had all three science subjects today, so our brain had been drilled to it's limits already, especially physics.

you know, I find it sad that physics is already a hard-to-understand subject, and our teacher's English sucks so her trying to explain everything in English doesn't really help. I wouldn't mind if she explained in Malay with the English terms, I mean it's just language.
We just had our first Chemistry experiment yesterday while I heard 4SM had already done quite a few. it's sad that our Chem teacher comes on days she has class with them and not come on two of our classes.
it's also sad that our Bio teacher expects us to start reading by ourselves first too, but I think I'll get the hang of this. but it's annoying how I feel like not everyone find it important to really understand the damn experiment before performing it to your likings, and then us who read the instructions carefully put in too much effort (or it could be just too much starch solution I dunno) and end up not being able to finish the experiment in time.

so that's Science. well that's probably the only problem with lessons, the only other problem is karangan but then I probably should've done this much writing even while studying for PMR. I was just too lazy.

so now that we're in form 4, most teachers would expect for our help when it comes to extra curricular, also juniors expect from us too, since they can't expect from the form 5s. although I'm excited that I signed up for crew on PGL I haven't heard a speck of news or announcements, therefore I feel like I'm not really in anything. so I'm actually speaking for my friends, or maybe just Ida.
Ida is an active St. John member. she's the secretary, and she attends every meeting diligently in her uniform. she's just as good as Violet, difference is Violet's a prefect so people expect good things from her all the time. every Wednesday we would see Ida bring a bag full of log books and files and papers - all St. John stuffs. I pity how she would bring all that stuff with a thick add-maths textbook - she was too tired to finish up her homework in time.

The last G.G. meeting, they were all discussing bout the Gathering, and as I follow Zalikha up the stairs of the office, I realize, this is form 4. Mas was helping get the phone ready for her to call companies, actual companies, for her 'sales' thing. I'm not really sure what this was about.
a seventeen year old girl was dealing with adults from actual companies. wow.

I dunno why I was so surprised, I mean I guess I've never really been 'in the scene' of the school, therefore I wouldn't have known some students actually have to do very adult stuff to get what they need for stuff like sales and scout gatherings. teachers don't do all this anymore, not when you get to form 4. not when you're sixteen, considered a full on teenager who's mature enough to think for herself. they only teach you. like super hard logic stuff. not how to make company calls.

it's even harder when there're juniors depending on you. I'm not feeling it anymore, the last was last year, this year I've been laying off the juniors. but then again I wouldn't even have a chance. I'm in Language Club where we have to go for separate Japanese classes, and Ranger Guides are only for form 4-5 therefore we're the juniors. and I think we can still be considered as good juniors. at least we volunteer for stuff.
simply said, I don't have junior problems. but as I heard from Natasha this morning, I think some people do.

then there's the extra classes. Tassawur, Accounts or Literature. you pick. I chose Literature, cuz I hate Accounts and when it was up to Tassawur and Literature I just chose what my dad think I should take (he's a Sastera person too so). Apparently I stupidly forgot about the first class last Tuesday and missed it, but I guess Madam K forgave me. for Lit there's two extra activities other than classes - plays, and school plays.
there's a Shakespeare play going on in March and well just to release the tension of March test I decided to go. then we'll probably be helping as crew as well for the plays, while the form 5s will act. sigh. what a busy year.

what else is stressful in form 4? hmm. there's getting used to the streaming. sometimes I wonder if some people still feel divided between arts and science streams, I mean we all basically take the same subjects. but not many people had been acting like this... or I just don't know that many people from arts, I dunno.

but I guess where I'm getting to is how depressed I've been for the past few days. what can you do when it is all your fault, and you have no right, you're just all wrong, and all you can feel the whole day is bad. bad, guilt, feel like killing yourself. like you have no right to live anymore. what you had done was the worst. you don't deserve to have friends. you don't deserve to talk to anyone. anyone who trusts you will fall into a big pit of doom.
and yet here you are, breathing, still. crying, still. and still pretending like it will end soon.

it will never end. it will never be the same. it will never heal. people can forgive but they can never forget. people can never forget how it feels to look into that person's eyes, full of acid and anger. how it feels like when your legs just turn automatically. your brain has been thinking for itself again, and you braven yourself to go straight. stupid. it's just stupid. turning is stupid. going straight is also stupid. it just doesn't make any sense. everything is wrong.

I'm that person. the person in the stories people tell when she trusted someone but that person betrayed her. she says she'd forgiven that person, but how can she ever forget the person who ruined her life.
it hurts so much, like a knife stabbing on my lungs, every time I think - no, I know, it's all my fault. I'm the villain, and even if I try to hide it, I'll only be hurting her even more.

I want to cry in front of her. I want her to see that I'm sincere, that I feel really bad, but I only seem to have the guts to cry when I'm alone. in front of her I tug my heart to be braver, and even if I think it's stupid, it seems to happen automatically lately.

...writing all this, it won't solve anything, now would it? Man, do I hate myself right now. she probably hates me too. never will I ever get to piggy back on her again. never will she tell her stories so softly then sometimes I lose concentration. never will we laugh at the same jokes again. it just won't be the same.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

who would've thought.

Today was the first time ever I even considered cutting myself. Stupid people can make you do stupid things.
I'm not really who's really stupid person here though. Me, or her.