Saturday, March 31, 2012

Friday, March 30, 2012



Joon is too cute. He's either putting 100% effort into it or just exaggerating as usual. And the rest just looks so cool doing it. sigh.
I hope the Hello Family are gonna do this dance. Lauren <3 Leo <3 Dayoung , they're all so cute~

secret coding.

sometimes when I see you I feel like punching you in the face and kicking you in the gut.
but when it comes to that moment when I have to kill you off,
you smile.
and that makes me smile.
sometimes I wonder what you have done to me. 


So recently I've been wanting to buy a whole bunch of things online. problem is, I haven't got the guts to ask ayah to pay for the things. I already ordered and at this pace, my orders will probably continuously be moved to the next batch. I have to remind myself to pay before 7th April, cuz that's when the next batch will close..
before I thought it would cost me over a hundred, but that was because I wanted to buy a t-shirt along with it, but then the shop said they'd have to check if it's in stock so after searching high and low for a Malaysian shop that prints unofficial K-POP tees, I've decided to make my own t-shirts.

no one ever said it was hard, and Kak Ain has done it a gazillion (okay maybe three or four) times now for various occassions so why not learn from Kak Ain? it would cost a lot less too (if Kak Ain can spare me the laser printing she'd have to help me do at her boss's office), maybe the t-shirt RM15 max and the iron-on paper thing, RM4-5 per A4 piece. that means RM20 per t-shirt, rather than RM70 for an official BLUESTORM tee that's only available in L size. So I have 5 designs I want to print, total RM100...

either one, preferably black
just the guitar logo, that weird thing on the chest makes it look weird..

I want a black one~ Like the one Hyunnie is wearing <3
cuz I am

...I just noticed all of them are in black HAHA. Kak Ain would say making a white one is easier, because the text would be in black and it'll be easier when it comes to ironing it into position rather than white but whatever, black looks cool~ okay fine maybe I'll make a white one for the last one.. maybe.

so this week had been kinda moody because Ika hasn't been around a lot. I think the class is starting to see me as a person rather than 'those two' lol. but they probably see me as a very quiet person who doesn't like to socialize much. eet. or, however you spell that error sound. I'm socially awkward. because I don't know you guys very well, plus the fact that you guys are smart asses, I'm pretty much intimidated and would probably take a whole five minutes to respond to your statement or question, thinking about the right way to answer without being judged. why am I so scared of being judged?! sheesh. I must be paranoid.

so yeah. recess time would be kinda moody too. plus I miss hugging J. must be really awkward for us to hug after what happened. but that moment she came to my class to see me and not that other person, I was kinda happy.
we also had the kawad competition this week. ugh. those were the moment that I felt ugly, which you can relate to the post before this. when I went home I neat myself up and took a picture for my Twitter, but no one responded which made me feel even more uglier. but I guess there's nothing much to respond about it anyway.


whatever. the past is the past. it won't change how I feel, but I guess I shouldn't really think about it too much.
and Maria, thank you, so much, sincerely. but I told you don't even start with those type of things. It makes me even more sad to think that I would be so insecure about myself. so please. just stop.
and it did sound a bit gay but since we don't know each other that well I guess I read it as a nice gesture. hee.
I'll just post a bunch of links to pictures of only-K-POP-fans-can-relate-to tees to end this post.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

dammit you bias wrecker you.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

pretty girls don't rock, okay. they just don't.

such a pretty album art.

Currently reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I know it's a bit late but at least I'm at it - same case as THG, I guess. still haven't watched the movie, I don't think I'll make it for these weekends neither since there's a kenduri at Segamat. even if we'll be back the next day I'm planning to go to Ika's to watch MTV Unplugged so it'll be too much to go watch the movie.
The weekends after will be really full too, like 7th there's SFS, which I just bought the ticket but forgot to ask the girls if they're going (I'm sure they're not, most of us are socially awkward. but I'm gonna force them to anyway). but even if I'm not going at least I'll get the t-shirt (like Autism Walk). (Y) then the next weekend will be the GIGASA Gathering, which sincerely, I can't wait to go to. hopefully I won't be too tired on Sundays to go with Bakmal (he promised. promises are to be kept, even by the most untrustworthy brothers. especially when it comes to watching a movie.) busy busy busy.

well I can easily say that I feel packed but there's people like Ika who I'm sure feels even more stressed by her all her activities. but well not here to rant about this. as you can see, I'm pretty angry at all the pretty people in the world. I know there are uglier people out there, and I should be confident with who I am even if I'm not that pretty, even if I'm less than average. but no. I disagree with all of you. confidence about your looks doesn't come sailing along. You can be confident about yourself in one minute and suddenly all that can be ripped off the next.

tell me, how am I supposed to be confident with being myself when pretty people get all the attention? when pretty people can easily take selcas of themselves, do a little editing and get hundreds of likes on Facebook? okay maybe that's not really a problem. Facebook is a virtual world, meaning a lot of people can be very dishonest. but in real life, I get surrounded by people who everyone knows are bitchy but are pretty, and they still get attention. I know classmates who goes to birthday parties, take a group photo and everyone looks fucking pretty in their floral dresses and straight, fringed hair. they might look like nerds at school, but when they want to, they can look beautiful.

unlike me who can spend hours on my tudung and never get the awning right. or maybe I can make it look good, but then my face is too oily or I have a zit or my pores are just blaring huge that even if they're no real problem, I just look fucking ugly.
I have dark skin that I've obtained from stupidly not wearing sunblock on Sports Days, zit marks from stupidly scratching my zits, spectacles because I damaged my eyes in my younger age, a huge nose that becomes the point of my face (you just can't see anything else) when I start laughing loudly or become overly excited. I'm just fucking unattractive.

no. no just don't. don't give me all these stupid advice about being happy with yourself and be thankful with what God had given you. no. nothing of this crap. I am feeling down on myself and I'm blogging about it. I will never get married. I will never have children. even if I will my husband will never really love me because I'm so fucking ugly. he will always have to go online to see prettier girls to satisfy himself. because I will never be good enough.

why do pretty girls make us ugly girls feel so down? I hate them so much. nothing is fair. people will forever be biased over appearance. and I will never feel beautiful in my life.
I just hate everything right now. I feel like everyone's trying to piss me off.
There's no point to anything in this post. it's just a post to spell out the state of my mind right now.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

just shinee.


The stupid thing is that... okay everything about this is stupid. Gotta clear my head and stop thinking about you. You're making me feel stupid.

Monday, March 26, 2012

better day.

there are days where it's just simply better. but that doesn't mean it's perfect.

please click here and read the beautiful fan-fic.

When I first saw it was out, my parents were around to ruin the moment and start talking about SPM.
thank you, parents, for not being able to see me fangirl once in awhile.
yes, I know SPM is hard, dad, and okay, I will sit with you and study BM. okay mom, I won't slack off this year just because I'm in form 4. yes, okay, I'll start studying from now.


so the video :DD

I wasn't expecting anything big, but as usual, CNBLUE is always coming up with small ventures. Oetoriya, loners getting together as a band. LOVE, a band turning a crowd from down-in-the-dumps to happy-go-lucky, hippie-head-bopping people. Intuition, a badass, vandalizing, guard pushing, building trespassing band. LOVE GIRL, a bunch of poster-jumping stalkers. and now, with Hey You? Just a really popular band busy with their schedules haha. I guess it's sort of the same standard with LOVE, for it's simplicity of plot.

The song was given; as usual FNC won't actually let CNBLUE have their own song as title track for Korean albums haha. duhh. Koreans always like the digital tracks. but the rest of the album (which includes a Korean version of In My Head and the previous music video release track, Still in Love) was written, if not co-written by themselves :)
Dream Boy is especially my favourite. not only is the music wonderfully laid back, pop rock and the lighter side of them, but the lyrics also doesn't talk about love - it's about dreams. I feel like when they say "Reach out your hands, let's fly together to the sky" (or something of that sort) I feel like they're talking to all their fans - let's go to the skies together, reaching our dreams together. and notice the "Peterpan" mentioned haha.
Rock n' Roll and Run are more fast-beat, very semangated. I feel like if they play this in concerts everyone will be dancing and bopping their heads, waving their lightsticks.
Dammit why do I love these boys and their music so much.

on a different topic, I also heard Biebster's song. erks. okay gak actually haha. I've never been a hater, I hope you all know that. why do I have a feeling I never hate any groups? they're all innocent, what's stupid are tabloids and their effing recording companies.
on an even more random topic,

I think I should sleep now. Is reminiscing with my brother through Facebook healthy?
Out... sort of


my blog is hilarious.

beloved okay!

Friday, March 23, 2012

nine years and going.

You laugh big and loud with your voice
I copied you right away and laughed, too

Today, let's have a race together
On this road we've always walked down hand-in-hand
When you are here, the world shines brightly

That's just the person you are and I'm by your side
While hugging
Each and every tiny happiness, my face changes into a smile

Like that rainbow we passed by on bicycle
Let's be a happy color, forever

Today, we look down the road
Which we've always walked down hand-in-hand
On its old surface, the world shines brightly

The distances of quarreling hearts
Cannot be measured with a yardstick
Endure the pain of overflowing tears
If we find them, we will wipe them away..


I love you, and I'll always be there to listen to whatever you wanna say.
I know I annoy you with my blood B type ways, and you annoy me sometimes too, but we've known each other for so long that it feels like nothing can break us apart.
I feel really down when I see you stress out so much. How can I help? I feel like hugging you but it would look really awkward in class. When you cry I want to give you a tissue but I'm not the type that brings tissues everywhere. I feel bad, as if I have to say something that will make you feel better but I've never been good at those type stuff. Can I just listen? I'm good at listening. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you angry for the past nine years. I never meant it, you know that right?
So stop stressing out. I'm tired just watching you tired and confused in class. Have fun, kay? Have no regrets. If you can't catch up for mid-year exams, you'll still have August test and end-year. And trust me, I'll support you on anything that you want to do. I know how you feel, I'm just a coward at taking steps - while you can just go out there and do it. You just have to believe in yourself.
Good luck and be brave in everything you do. Don't think too negatively - remember, it'll be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end.

Be happy, always.
Love, Lynn.
Or that nerd you knew in standard 2 that cried and poked you cheeks because of that stupid argument.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

cough cough.


Recently, my most common word used is "koff".
No I'm not being sarcastic. It's sad that I've beeen coughing since before the holidays and I just went to see the doctor today. He said I'm healing already lol. A bit too late I guess. Well better than waiting until it gets worse, right?

well SHINee's back with.. I'm not sure if it's Sherlock or clue+note lol. well maybe it's both.

Definitely happy to see they didn't have the crazy look in full. It looked cool between the sophisticated look they wore for the concept, so I'm defnitely okay with this music video. Very sure Simon and Martina has loads to say about this lol. pedonoona being one of things mentioned, for sure. Jessica, I'm looking at you.
The song's not bad either. And the choreography, as usual for SHINee, awesome. Hmm, yet another hit by SHINee~ congrats SM, you manage to live up to your status..


But I gotta say, I can't wait mostly for this:

No quality, but it is a teaser. Sigh. I see Jonghyun singing. Seriously can't wait. dugeun dugeun.


so recently there's this new girl in school who's in Ida's class. her name's Dania and she likes K-POP, mostly Big Bang. I asked if she liked CNBLUE, she said no. she likes mostly like 2PM and and well maybe those are her top ones. she doesn't even like BEAST and MBLAQ much. I guess I minded at first, but later on she was kinda open to us talking about Korean shows and all. I mean she watches Running Man. so I guess she watches all that too but she just doesn't like the music by the artists I like (I even mentioned B1A4 and B.A.P., and she says she likes SHINee so-so).

There's a lot of things going on, like for the past two days my parents brought me out for dinner to malls (yes, not Section 8, I'm thankful for that but not two nights in a row) and I couldn't go online. I only waited for teasers through my phone's YouTube and kept tweeting crap. the only way to satisfy my daily need of 1 hour online dosage.

Dear Parents,
I need a min 1 hour max 2 hours of the laptop every night, or else the next time I get it I'll engulf it for more than 5 hours, I swear.
Like tonight. Do you really expect me to sleep before 12 what with my homework still undone?

I brought another CNBLUE concert DVD on the first night, costing 26.90 (it's not original, for sure) which made me feel a slight pang of regret later but whatever. Imagine the t-shirt Shahira spent *insertunbelievableamounthere* on. I just wonder if that girl has a sense of loss.. maybe not to money because her grandma practically sweats it XD

anyway so that night Khairun asked me if I wanted to go see THG. of course I wanted to go see! so the next day I asked the girls, but at the same time Shahira told us about SNSD's free concert of Friday at KLCC. Of course we wanted to go, it's effing free. so that night told Khairun about it. also asked my mom and she said she'd rather let me see the movie. the next day I asked the girls and none of them could see the movie. oh shiat I forgot to ask one of them. and shiat again, I didn't tell Khairun yet.. but it's okay, she'd probably be disappointed anyway. will try to convince them before breaking Khairun's heart >'(

so I have a bunch of Bio things to do, ionic compounds to memorize, English oral to finish, piano homework still undone, piano had been left lonely throughout the whole week. had been tiring, staying back all the time. finally get a break tomorrow, I think I'll try to finish up stuff by Friday and just concentrate on Bio module, English oral and practicing piano on Saturday, Sat night will watch the concert DVD, Sunday afternoon is THG (if I go) then that night I'm planning to watch Barbie Princess and the Pauper.. for old times sake. I remember when Ika and I were in love with it and would sing the songs together through the phone. we were like, nine. I miss those times when we had no worries.

well that's all for this week (unless CNBLUE's music video comes out, then another review has to be done :P).

Sunday, March 18, 2012

head-on spam.

Serious crap, Square Enix keeps making games using different game consoles, it's annoying.

but trust me, when I grow up to be a successful person, I'll buy all the game consoles I need to play every single game they published!!!
And that's dream #1 of "When I Grow Up".


Taemin's not a girl! Yay!


first time I watched NU'EST's video. sorry but I'm not interested in anymore underrated groups until the day my friends talk about them and I'm lost. that will be the day I care.
the song's not bad though. and the video's filled with a bunch of cute guys I'd date. only, not the actual members themselves lol. I meant the people from the story.


they never disappoint, do they?
I had a thought, but I pushed it away, trying to avoid anymore disappointments, but here they are, bringing back hope to me.
Teasers. Fucking. Teasers.

I'm sorry for the cursing, I don't usually do that but tonight was so sexually oriented I can't even.


B.A.P. spam. Starting off with this - like I said, it has been a very dirty night for me.
But I'm just posting this one because I find it hilarious instead of a turn on lol. daebak. thumbs up to whoever that thought of this (Y).

Daehyun, the blond Asian who's sexy and knows it.
and no, I don't ship DaeJong or DaeUp or JongDae or whatever. I just ship all of them together lol.
when you think of Daehyun with Jongup, you'll think of Youngjae with Daehyun and Jongup with Himchan.
Then you think of Himchan with Zelo then Zelo with Yongguk. It's just a jumble of OTPs, there's no real on except B.A.P.XBaby.

last spam, Himchan's embarrassing pants.

Seriously, at first I thought Himchan's a bias wrecker, but now I just want him as my little teddy bear that I keep in my room and talk with when I get home from school. If he'd come to me in my Domo bear YenF gave me like that teddy in Bleach, I would be very satisfied.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

still loving you.

dammit doing everything while listening to Unbreakable is just so damn awesome. I feel on top of the world~!


well lets start with this personality test Ika promoted on Twitter. It's the Myers Briggs Test, which you can take here and then just Google your letters for more information on your personality. I got INTP, also known as the Introverted Thinker. at, I'm known as The Thinker. summarized, I can say that I'm a person who looks at things from a logical angle.

Words like "absent-minded professors", "dreamy and distant", "flexible in most situations", "overly critical and sarcastic", "very independent, unconventional and original" attracted me. I feel like the main problem of ITNPs  are to sense others emotions, but I don't know. I mean I think I can detect my mom's emotions. Just, sometimes I want to be selfish too.
Then I went to Careers for INTP Personality and INTP Relationships.

man, did I get a good laugh.
my possible careers:
  • Scientists - especially Physics, Chemistry
  • Photographers
  • Strategic Planners
  • Mathematicians
  • University Professors
  • Computer Programmers, Systems Analysts, Computer Animation and Computer Specialists
  • Technical Writers
  • Engineers
  • Lawyers / Attorneys
  • Judges
  • Forensic Research
  • Forestry and Park Rangers

Hmm. Scientist is on top of the list, huh? what a coincidence that I was talking about potential a few days back.but then there're some general traits that I have to agree with:

  • Love theory and abstract ideas
  • Work best alone, and value autonomy
  • Have no desire to lead or follow
  • Dislike mundane detail
lol. then the relationship... I have a very dirty mind, I tell you. Just... if you're interested, you can check out mine yourself haha. I find it kinda personal. but my natural partner is a ENTJ or ESTJ. ENTJ seems a bit too dominant, like he's a leader and like the above says, I have no desire to lead or follow. but ESTJ.. I'm afraid if I'll get into a fight with them too easily, trying to stand with my ways. so if you're either one, I JUST FOUND MY LOVE~ haha. quoted B1A4.


so, CNBLUE's Still Loving You.

cutie Minhyuk everywhere, ruining everyone's bias list I tell you...

Thing is, this is a totally different concept from what they did in their first three title tracks. I was expecting something strong and catchy, and this is totally the opposite of it. It's smooth and melodic. Not that I don't like it, heck Yonghwa always write good title songs. I totally praise his work. Only I hope they won't be expecting this to be a chart topper like I'm a Loner. Although I have no real say in it, people might really love it (like I do) but still, there's so many other catchy songs going around from even more popular artists, I think (this is just my opinion, it doesn't mean I don't support CNBLUE) it won't be able to compete.

but that's popularity wise. like, it probably won't win every music show out there, but the quality of the song is just plain awesome. original, simple, sweet. I'll be expecting from the rest of the album! hehe.
The music video is really simple too. no more action, world changing music videos. now it's mostly about the music and the making of it. The climb rather than the destination. sigh. I love this band too much to even look at their imperfection. so I guess that makes me biased and not worthy to review haha.

well this isn't complete since the rest of the album isn't out yet, but I am totally addicted to B1A4's Ignition right now. My favourites are So Fine and Feeling. This Time Is Over is really good too. Please do listen to it! ^^ still waiting for SHINee rawr~ although they uploaded a teaser video its just pictures and cuts from the tracks. the tracks really fit the concept haha. no more comment, go watch it yourself!

P.S, please accept the teaser photos! even if Taemin looks like a girl that's extensions, or maybe even a whole wig cuz they posted another video where Taemin's hair is as short as it had always been.
btw I really, really hate Minho and Onew's hair. been hating guys with curly hair since 1996.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I can't.

I still cannot.
Not now. Khairun and Sya are still here. I need a clear mind to review CNBLUE's new song. Whatever it is, I love Yonghwa. Heck, I love all four of them. Lee Jonghyun. Kang Minhyuk. Jung Yonghwa. Lee Jungshin. They're all just so ... sigh. I want to say perfect but not everyone's perfect. T T


sorry I just had to share this. Don't know how Jae stands it.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Korean talk.

when you see it.

So I actually wanted to do this yesterday but I thought the future talk was already long and exhausting enough so I'll just write it now.

so yesterday I've decided to stop with the drama ridiculousness. I don't need it. at least, not now. I shouldn't be so serious about it and stop trying so hard to find a way to watch it when I should also be thinking about the time to watch it. so, no 49 Days, no Pasta, and no Flower Boy Ramyun Shop. I don't need it. I can watch it when I'm retired or when I have nothing better to do later in the future (which I hope won't come, I don't wanna sit in front of the laptop or TV all day when I'm a grown up) like my aunt who's 60. I'm 16. I should be doing better things.

but I've decided to make an exception for my Korean guys. sorry I wanted to put idols but I thought better. I shouldn't be idolizing these people too much. So I'll probably wait for Dream High 2 and Shut Up Flower Boy Band to finish until I find the time to watch it online (I'm getting a bit lazy waiting for downloads when my internet is fast enough for streaming, practically). Also, I'm really restraining myself from fangirling right now, but Jonghyun's gonna be in a drama <3 A Gentleman's Dignity. It's gonna show on SBS in May. Minhyuk's in a drama too. KBS, called My Husband Got A Family. I'm excited. so reserving these four dramas for the holidays <3 yes I'm planning way ahead.

should I start talking about comebacks? Hmm I'll just review them separately. so, B1A4's back with their first album (sorry, my mistake the last time!) Ignition. Currently listening to it and I'm loving every track up to track 3 lol. below is the music video ;

kay I don't like track #4 haha. okay it's turning out quite okay actually. the starting was a bit off because of the amount of auto-tuning they did on Channie's voice rawr.

anyway back to the MV. so I loved the starting. totally hot. but see I was watching it with earphones on, and we all know how detail earphones are so I started to notice the amount of auto-tuning and I got angry. They have beautiful voices. Sandeul's listed as one of Korea's top 17 vocalist. why did his voice turn out like that? I hate these type of digital songs that alter the singer's voices. if you listen to the rest of the album you'll love Jinyoung and Sandeul's voice, sincerely. that screaming part sounded so fake, I didn't like it. (ah I'm listening to Baro's solo with MissA's Min. very zen. unexpected haha.)

but I guess that's just the voices. otherwise the music is, as usual, immediately addictive. I like it more than Beautiful Target, at least it's much more serious and I liked how Sandeul looked (rawrr I will always like how Sandeul looks so I guess this statement is pointless) So I guess I'm much more A-okay with this song :) but, as usual, debut songs always make a first impression so I still like OK best haha.
this goes the same for CNBLUE's Oetoriya and SHINee's Replay. I have a feeling it'll be the same with B.A.P. too (Y)

as for the album tracks, I can feel how much they've grown. They've definitely turned more mature, with around 3-4 slow songs (depends on how slow a song should be to be considered ballad) (I'm melting from Sandeul's solo~~<3) and two can-be-considered-as-maybe club songs, and the rest are just a bundle of fun; exactly what they are.

so that's all for tonight's Korean Talk~ there'll be more with CNBLUE's Ear Fun and SHINee's Sherlock so stay tuned!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

frustrating future.

Recently, okay maybe it's been about three weeks now, my civics teacher gave us homework for this holidays which is to find out how the person who has your dream job, or maybe someone you adore or want to be like in the future, got to where he/she is now. Simply like a making a research on how to get to where you want to be.

So I listed a few authors I liked, since I wanna be a writer, and I got Sarah Dessen and Cathy Cassidy. Dessen writes teen fiction, which sometimes can be really depressing and dark, but there's always something new to learn - a rebellious side of the world that I might have never wanted to step into before I read her books. Cassidy on the other hand writes children books, which I read when I was around 11-12, borrowed from Elia Anis. Her stories affected us so much that we're still reading them when we entered Sri Aman. I believe I saw her with Angel Cake in form 1 and I just bought the same book last year and planning to buy more after this. Age doesn't exist in fiction, I tell you. Her writings were very sweet. I think you can see a theme going on based on her titles. Very sugary and colourful.

The thing about these two is that they write real-life fiction, not fantasy fiction like I wanna write. So I decided to make a research on another author that I think most of us know, which is J.K. Rowling.

So when I read Cassidy and Dessen's biography on their websites, they didn't lead a life where success was just along the yellow brick road. They had both been writing since they remembered, and never wanted to be anything else other than that. They got degrees or diplomas in either language or something along those lines. Dessen became a waitress and wrote stories along the side. Her parents weren't approving, but they supported her either ways and let her live in their house, until she published her first book and got an offer to teach. Cassidy got various jobs from a magazine editor to an art teacher. She got married, got another degree, taught in a secondary school and I guess that's where she really went back to writing seriously. It wasn't mentioned. Now they both live in the country, married with children and pets.

Many people who know me have always said that I have potential. My mom's friend Aunty Anne can already guess that I got straight A's for PMR, when I don't even see her more than once a year. many of my schoolmates weren't surprised with my results neither - as if it was all expected, when you guys have no idea how much I was doubting myself.
So my parents, too, expect me to be successful in the future. They say it shouldn't be something that's surprising - your parents are stable, working people and you have all the resources you need - tuition, books, internet, school. If I didn't get straight A's during PMR, there must've been something that went wrong. so now they say that I can get straight A's for SPM too, and I can be successful if I keep working hard even after that.

Thing is, I don't want to be a successful person, if successful person means doctor or scientist or accountant. If successful means being happy with whatever job I have as long as its sufficient and leads to my happiness, then I'd do anything to get it.
So I went to J.K. Rowling. Her website was under construction, saying that her new book will be something totally different from Harry Potter. So I just went to her Wiki page. I was expecting she would be confronting a problem of these sorts too, since I'm sure she's well-off and well educated. I found out that her parents were successful people too, much like my parents. They're both in literature though. She worked as a bilingual secretary in a NGO, then she moved to Manchester (the train ride was where she got an idea for Harry Potter) and started writing from there. Later on her mother died, she divorced her husband and was jobless with a child to feed. Truthfully, I find the trip to Manchester a whole turmoil for her life. It had lead her to all these difficulties, yet it also started the thing that solved it all. So for her daughter, she went on writing Harry Potter, until where she is now.

So she made a bad decision, but she stayed at her stance and did what she had always done best. Simply said, none of them had yellow bricks laid in front of them. None of them had a planned future of what they should have been doing or something they did but decided to turn to writing later on. They had all been writers since forever.
Okay maybe I should look at it in a more logical way. I'm from Malaysia, not the States or England. My English can never compare to theirs, and my chances of getting published internationally is like one in a million.  So publishing in Malaysia can be really commercialized sometimes when you're successful. Like that Ain Maisarah person. I've read her books before, and I understand why so many people like it but when you're starting to write too many...
Okay maybe I'm being prejudiced again. But then I've never heard of a Malaysian writer who wrote fiction in English and gotten a lot of praise for it. I've seen a lot of Chinese Malaysian writers though. Thing is many of these people are successful because they write about Malaysian stuff. Will they accept it when someone who had never even been to Japan, writes about teenagers in Japan? Based on whatever she saw on TV or the internet rather than actual facts that the learned? Knowing Malaysia, mesti kontroversi. Masuk Melodi with the headlines 'Tak bangga dengan Malaysia' when what it's all about is actually interest and that varies in many people, it doesn't depend on their nationality.

That just shows even more how prejudiced I am ><"

Okay so maybe I'm going a bit too far to talk about the future. I mean I could always be like my dad. He's still writing. The only difference between us is that he writes about education in Malay (well if it's needed in English he just translates it back lol. He's bilingual, no prob.) while I write fiction in English. So I can go get a PhD too!

So back to my civics project. I have no idea what is actually needed - an essay? Just little points that we'll have to talk about later in class? But I sure am glad Ms. Foo gave me something to think about. It might not exactly be what she was aiming for, I mean she told us to search for how they got to where they are and all of the people I searched on practically just followed their heart and I doubt that's something very clever to say in class unless you're in a heart-moving movie.
But I did found out something else, which is that to do something that you love isn't as easy as it looks like. You go through a lot of hardship no matter what you're doing. What I'm doing now is just building up potential. I can do sub-science or arts stream and subjects can still be as hard. I'm afraid that I don't want to regret all that potential build and decide to go on in science stream later on with life and never actually write. But I doubt it. I'll write eventually, I'm sure of it. Just, making a living out of it still looks... impassible?

Where am I going with this? So it won't be easy. Nothing's easy. Whether my parents will be happy with what I wanna do later in the future have nothing to do with them. I have to stop being concerned with what they think because even if they have opinions on what I wanna do they want me to do what I wanna do in the end. They'll support me, because that's how they're like since forever. Anyone can be whatever they want to be, and I want to be like Sarah Dessen - I want to be appreciated, if not by all, but by a group of people who finds my writings worth reading. I want to be like Cathy Cassidy, whose writings could be read by all ages, and never be forgotten for its originality. And to be that, I just have to be myself.

I still don't have a conclusion to tell Ms. Foo though.

Monday, March 12, 2012

bias wrecker.


when you're in love with a song but you can't even find the mp3 on Google.
people say if you can't find it on Google, it probably doesn't exist.

hilarious. (Y)

Sunday, March 11, 2012

well at least I'm not on the list.

Heh. Either you don't find me annoying or you don't give a fu** bout me.
btw I'll inform Alya for you. but I think she knows. like you said, it's not backstabbing at all.


irrelevant gif.

so today the family had a road trip to Segamat back and forth in one day. the trip, took about 9 hours both ways, but we literally stayed there at the wedding for like, 3 or 4 hours. it was nice to see my cousins, of course. ge updated with their lives and all. I mean, who would've known how big that niece of mine had gotten? and I totally forgot Nurin is in secondary school now.

it's amazing how everyone takes the opportunity to go to a boarding school as soon as they get straight A's for UPSR. they say if they don't, they'll get homesick when they start college. I don't know. I don't think I'm the type that gets homesick easily. In fact I think I adapt to places fast. I'll probably miss home a lot, what with my family and all but it won't really affect me in any way? I don't know. after a few camps, I think I can call myself independent. on my solitary side - social side, oh someone please help me not look like a loner.

anyways I also met up with the only cousin I have who's my age. she came kinda late, and I wasn't really waiting for her anyway, but when I saw, an arrow caught one of my lungs. she looked so damn pretty, I felt like an ugly duckling. while I wore a simple yellow baju kurung with a simple light yellow tudung and simple lipgloss-only make-up, she came with a dark baju kurung with beads sown on (it matched her elder sister's, but it didn't change how nicely it looked on her), her hair permed at the ends (an aunt told us they went to the saloon) and a fringe fell over her eye-lined eyes. she also had blush on.

quickly after though, my lung healed like a miracle.
I noticed the eye-lining pointed at the sides, that sort of gave me an impression that she looks like a demon (I'm sorry, but I have no other word for how I felt she looked like) and how rudely she greeted her niece, and how she didn't salam any of us other than our aunt - and that was because the aunt said something to her like 'Hai, tak nampak makcik ke?' which reads between the lines : 'respect your elders and salam me~~' and that amount of make-up must be hiding something, right? plus, the saloon? seriously? most people perm their own hair these days.

sigh. the two of us have changed so much. we used to play at each others houses without care about all these stuff. I've always thought she looked pretty naturally - like a little ah moi. now she's taller than me, and a lot skinnier too. I guess we just grew up in different conditions and aims. when I was going back home, I voluntarily without hesitation salamed her, and she gave me this look. I don't know how to describe it. it's not sombong, and it's not the basic friendly smile we gave every other family member neither. I guess I can say it's a sorry smile - sorry we're not like before. but I can never be sure.

last thing to say : Pretty girls always have boys eyes on them. although I'm not specifically saying all the boys, but a lot. on all the pretty girls.
so when an average girl like me gets a second glance by a guy, I really appreciate it. and I think all average looking girls think like this.
and I want guys to know that although us girls like hot guys like Kim Jaejoong and Logan Lerman, when someone gives us a picture of an average looking guy, we make an effort to say they're cute. because we all know you're worth someone, if not ourselves.

Saturday, March 10, 2012


a lot of emotions going on right now.
#spazz #warningloadsoffangirling #dontreadifyouregonnajudgeme #yesimeanyou

I know I shouldn't update randomly and spam you guys with useless stuffsh, but I really have no where else to put all these spazzing moments.
I know I most probably don't have much in common with my readers, except for where we go to school so kill me if I relatively made you read something boring and not understandable.

firstly, most of the girls (Hubble) can make it on Thursday. not all can sleep, but I didn't want all to sleep anyway since my house is so small and lack of privacy and comfort. my house is definitely not like the quintriplets' where there's practically air-conditioning everywhere, but recently I've been cleaning my house a lot. even if it's unnecessary and everyone knows Umar is gonna mess it up again. it's because every time I see mess in my house, I imagine the girls being there right that moment. my status as the most hygienic will not be sustained.

but then when I called everyone to confirm this evening, Khairun didn't answer (although a few days ago she said she would be okay on Thursday, even if she'll be a bit late she can sleepover) and Shahira said she'll be going back to her hometown tomorrow and she's not sure when she'll be back. I know that Shahira isn't really confident on confiding her parents about going out or going to a friend's house; we all knew this ever since Ika's sleepover. I hope she actually told her parents the whole story rather than just asking if they'd be free on Thursday. plus I want to watch SHINee's concert ;____;

talking bout SHINee, three teaser photos from Sherlock came out and well... rrrr well frankly speaking I don't like 'em. Taemin.. Taemin, you don't have abs, okay? therefore you are not worthy of showing your body... yet. then there's their hair which is.... -shivers- okay sorry but I have to agree when people say that they're porn teasers. or maybe that's what SM's aiming for. seducing all the sexually frustrated fans. I don't like Minho's hair, which, don't any of you notice this, but it looks exactly like Onew's O__O Taemin's looks a lot like Lucifer's too.. please don't tell me this is gonna be like ZE:A's case. people like one era of their's and the company decides that they should go on with themes of that sort.

why am I ranting about this. we all know how I'm gonna love their new song anyway. because once a Shawol, always a Shawol.

next, B1A4's teasers. yup, go ahead and release Sandeul's last, as usual >I The world hates me.
Funny thing is, Music Bank already leaked their photos when they were promoting their comeback for next week XD so... lightbulbs, huh? well at least they're in suits.. colorful ones. everyone seeks originality these days.. I didn't like their Beautiful Target teaser photos neither, nor their song, but I ended up loving the rest of the mini haha. so hopefully, this time it won't be so bad.
and I don't see where they fitted this into their schedule!! when the heck did they record this? I heard they dyed their hair like a couple of weeks ago and suddenly the teaser photos are already out, and the MV next Friday. lol wtf? they've been shooting Selca Diary and Kkaeal Player.. B1A4's like, super idol, even before their first album @__@


sorry ahahaha spazzing skfalfja.....

I am so sorry for my fuwifksf
I can't afyewhfb

okay chill, Lynn~~ CHILL CHILL CHILL

okay sorry ehem I was about to talk about CNBLUE's Stand Up Live -controlsfangirlscream- no seriously even from LA I can feel the love. there were so many funny stories that I read from Tumblr fans, like a Primadonna turning into a Boice after the concert and some shitty fans calling another fan not a real fan. then there's Yonghwa. omg Yong XD

*mind they were speaking in English*
Yonghwa: Jungshin, do you know many LA bands?
Jungshin: Yes, many artists~
Yonghwa: Where's my friend Bon Jovi? Where are you? Oh, is that you? Hi~

ahahahah XD Most fancams suggested Jonghyun didn't say much, but I don't mind. saw a lot of pictures of him and his girl guitarfriends and he looked pretty satisfied :") all in all, this makes me wanna go to a CNBLUE concert even more~<3

the thing about FNC boys is that they're not at all organized.. in fact they're probably the messiest family I've ever seen XD
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

so other fangirling crap..


thing about EXO is that there's 12 of 'em so Hubble don't have to fight anymore XD me and Aina are at peace~

the song is awesome, very unlike What is Love :) no matter what Simon says, that song did not change my life at all. this song isn't neither but at least they have like a signature dance (although top comment says they look like they're masturbating, I've decided not to look at it that way.) and like the rap is awesome and everyone is singing and there's a scene where EXO-K and EXO-M are like dancing together and there's like that one part where they fit each other's intro cut into their video (there's EXO-K in EXO-M's video also~) and and Kai was so hot singing without really opening his mouth like I get kinda sick when I see some guys like open their mouth like wide open, it looks so fake when we all know they didn't really sign like that I think Kai's like the universal bias, everyone loves how pretty he looks lol.

this morning my mom asked my brother what he did to the TV and he informed us he was watching P. Ramlee on Youtube and I was like omg I forgot we have YT on HyppTV Interactive! it's kinda hard to search because the remote's really slow, but all in all I enjoyed watching Sungha Jung videos all morning long~ :) loved his Super Mario Theme on the ukulele haha (Y)

well I'm gonna watch B1A4'S Kkaeal Player Ep5 now~! Happy Fangirling!

CNBLUE Lee jong-hyun 2011 Guitar solo from coneble on Vimeo.

Friday, March 9, 2012

after-math... sort of?

Kay so Monday I stayed back with the girls (minus Ida, since originally we were gonna discuss Bio) and we were hushed a few times at the surau for making noise. we can't help it, Ili keeps butting in when someone's trying to explain. we were studying Chemistry first, and our success was to help Shahira understand (Y). then started Agama. it was a typical Ika-ask-we-answer session.

the next day I loved how Chemistry wasn't half bad. I actually was okay with Agama, except for two questions which I struggled with till the end. apparently the bullet I shot for one of it hit the target haha. shooting bullets like a pro. English... how was English? okay kut?

by the time we finished our last paper that day, Encik Alias came to talk to us. he was talking bout how the teachers agree that the batch above ours (the '95 batch) was the best batch of Sri Aman. so he challenged us. since we didn't get to beat them with our PMR results, he wants us to beat them with our SPM results - be better than them.
I could be my usual self and be like "oh teacher is saying that so that we'll study more and get better grades~" but since I can relate - I had always looked up to the '95 batch of SA, I've always thought they're really cool and smart - I guess I took up En. Alias's challenge.

that day we stayed back to study Sejarah and Bio but... by 4 everyone was lying on their backs, just reading our own textbooks, occasionally talking bout irrelevant stuff. most of them said it's cuz Ili wasn't there - the attendance was the same as yesterday, except Ili was replaced with Ida - I couldn't disagree more. it was just that they were factual subjects - just needs a lot of reading. that night I slept at 9.30 and woke up at 1.30 to study - with a laptop next to me. if not I'm sure I would've slept after a few minutes. I went to sleep at 5.30am that day. despite the short sleep, I had an interesting dream that included J. Hutch and B.A.P. (Y)

Sejarah paper.. I know I'll pass, if I fail I will cry for sure but I'm not aiming for A.. never.. Biology was okay, actually. same rating with Chemistry - 7.5/10. BM, I was so sure I wouldn't have enough time by the time I finished my Rumusan, I just crapped for the other questions. I even got about ten minutes to draw Jongup, Jonghyun and Sandeul at the back of the paper.
Starting from that day, I was determined to revise everyday. the only way to ace it, really.
only four of us stayed back that day - Aina, Ili and Ida were absent. we made it, though. discussed a bit about  measurements for Physics than started with a bunch of AddM questions Pn. Evelyn gave 4SM students. was actually satisfied with our product that day.
that night Ika called me to tell me that SOR-POR was coming out and f(x) weren't. I almost died. thankfully she told me then, but I was worried bout Ain and Shahira.

the next day Physics was better than expected, but a bit harder than Chem and Bio - I give it a 7/10 - but Ika was really upset about how she did. really, I think she did just as bad as I did for my Sejarah paper but I guess she didn't see it coming. during recess I didn't even see any of the girls. was AddM was also not as hard as expected. I think I almost killed myself for ModM though. I was really stupid. so, so stupid. sigh. whatever. do, do do, dodemoi desu-yo~!
so that afternoon I watched Howl's Moving Castle. that night I watched Hello Baby MBLAQ Ep.2. what's Sivik?

today was rather boring. but I started off with my novel again - Fishing on a Rainy Day. trying to finish it by this year. I really, really wanna get it published. I dunno I feel like I've gone so far I don't want this to fail. I let the new girl in my class, Aina to read it and she said it was kinda slow - like nothing is happening yet - but the characters are keeping it interesting (thank you, dear friends who have inspired me!! shall I list them? Eva, YenF, Lavynia, Iman!!! when it publishes, I swear I'll get you guys to take a picture with me for the newspaper muahaha) (yes that was me daydreaming about getting published again) and the only grammar mistake is when I mess up the tenses. it's okay, I'll edit a lot when I start typing it out! when it's finished, of course.

so I've been trying to plan for a Hubble gathering for this March holidays. everybody seems to be busy. have too many things to get done, have no idea when to slit in a night where everyone can gather and just hang out, fangirl and discuss the latest comebacks.

seriously though, this March is comeback month, practically. CNBLUE's coming back with their 3rd mini. just noticed it's gonna be B1A4's 3rd mini too next Friday! SHINee's coming back - finally. heard rumours their mini is gonna be called 'Sherlock' (Y) sigh. really anticipating!!
Tomorrow, somewhere in the morning CNBLUE's gonna be rocking out at LA with FT Island. jealous of LA Boices. saw fancams the other day at the airport. really, they were all so quiet - their fangirling consisted of whimpers of 'Oppa, oppa~' why do I have a feeling most international Boices are like this? XD only KBoices scream, I think. JBoices lagi la. entah-entah tak datang pun airport haha.

well. CNBLUE's gonna come to Malaysia next - RIGHT?? heard rumours Boyfriend is coming in May. hope it's true T T

Monday, March 5, 2012

just some picture spam - to distress lol.

"That much Guilt doesn't come without Love."
- House, Season 5

<( Just some sexy B.A.P. GIF's. Cuz I'm so crazy over them right now.)

"you know secret?"

dammit I wish I was Daehyun.

why do I keep forgetting this kid is 5 months younger than me?
you sexy beast you. rawwr

"Jongup trying to get rid of post-its"

"Jongup trying to make Zelo laugh"

"Fan found Jongup in supermarket"

...sorry that was lame haha.
it's because Jongup once said that he thinks he's manly, and when the interviewer ask which part of him is manly he answers "Cheetos".
that's irrelevant Jongdown for you.

well, good luck for the March exams! May your ovaries be healed by Friday!