Sunday, April 29, 2012

let's unite.

"fucking vaginas unite!"

on the personal opinion, I don't hate anyone. I have people I don't particularly have much care for. and ruining other's people's lives is horrible, like even if you want it to happen like indirectly or something. thinking about it just makes you a very sad human.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

between the two.

I'm being more dramatic than usual today. I don't usually use that word.

pick one. blood, or sex?

if sex, scroll to the bottom of the post.
if blood, just keep going.


..sorry if the sex isn't good enough..

truthfully I had no idea how else to put like I wanted it to be as good/bad as blood so I can't really think of any other way since the songs are kinda sex related so idk lol omg cres

Monday, April 23, 2012

chanyeollie - second bias.

on Sunday, Shahira kept promoting Sehun and he really isn't my type. I'll admit, he's good looking but he has the same expression almost all the time.
I fell for Baekhyun ever since History, and in the showcase I fell for him even more but recently he seems very tired and he didn't look very excited in the fancams of him during their fanmeet.
on the other hand, Chanyeollie is super duper cute. I loved that Sweet Chanyeollie fancam and in the first one, BAEKYEOL <3 I totally ship these two. plus Chanyeol's voice is so deep and the song Two Moons in their MAMA album, sang/rapped mostly by Chanyeol, is really awesome. he's really adorable, even if his smile is kinda freaky sometimes.

plus he twitches a lot.

so, I'm currently not at school because I'm sick. last night I went to see a doctor and this doctor was kinda pervy don't need to explain any further. we all know what type doctor this is. so my temperature was as high as 39.5 degree C and the doctor gave me super strong antibiotics and the total cost like, 75 bucks. kesian my dad. so at 3am last night I drank a lot of water because I couldn't sleep and the doctor told me to so this morning I woke up with my temperature definitely a lot lower. now my throat's still kinda sore and I'm not fully recovered yet, but I'm sure I'll make it to come for sukantara tomorrow.

but seriously, I wonder how I couldn't tell how bad my fever really was yesterday. the senamrobik was okay, I mean I already felt kinda sick since the night before but I had Panadol in the morning so I thought I'd be okay. the later after recess we had two free periods and the first was filled with me, Nurin and Ika arguing about what the school should do with their money. later Ika just dozed off because of all the stress she was going through. when Nuryn and Nurin left I slept too, because it's tiring to have a 'debative' conversation. but then when Pn. Chan called us to the BKB for relief I continued sleeping while Ika and Alysha either studied or had a conversation about how stressful it'll be for Ika for the next few weeks. when I woke up for add-maths, Ika had left me alone and sat next to Alysha. she probably found me boring, since I was sleeping all the time. didn't change how pissed I was.

I didn't go for lunch, slept outside of class before it was opened for Japanese. when it did open, I slept inside the class. during Jap I would be semangated and stuff but then I'd get too tired and doze-off. decided I should skip Blue House practice, borrowed coins from Yen Fern and called mom. but then she was engaged so I called my bro. I didn't know what happened but no one came so after 20 minutes I used the other ten cents to call mom but her volume was probably down and she couldn't hear me. by 5, I was dozing off at the bus stop.

not wanting the public to see me in that condition, I went to the gallery to wait until 6. at least it was cooler there, because I was dehydrating at the bus stop. dozed off there too. later I slept in the car too and I know I looked stupid but whatever, I'm fucking sick. dropped in the living room and stripped off my tudung. slept, again. really I was so tired. it's a miracle I'm not still sleeping until now. probably shows how much I've recovered. hmm, I wonder how many hours I slept yesterday until this morning at 8.30. *calculates* roughly 13 hours.
does anyone really care though? doubt it.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

because I love them.

I will be spilling all my feels for Hubble today in this post.

you guys might think that I'm a bit too attached or paranoid with Hubble. throughout the holiday, I was thinking stuff like, okay so it was Friday morning and I woke up at 7 something thinking 'my friends should have started their classes now'. on Saturday at 8 I was thinking that MPPH probably just started but all the girls should have met already and Sya would be excited to be in SA again and in awhile they'll go on stage to take their awards. then later that afternoon I was all the gathering's starting soon I wonder if there's any hot guys are the rest of Hubble coming I wonder if it's gonna be awesome and yea stuff like that.

nothing interesting happened in Langkawi. just a lot of realizations. got a lot of thinking time. also a lot of time to go down slides and hurt my nose and eyes and whole face practically. the only exciting thing and yet I have to worry about my period. also met a floating dead frog in the pool that no one used anymore cuz all the bubbly pressure things were plugged out by leaves. and yea.

so I've been thinking about Hubble after SPM a lot lately. we can obviously live without going to the same school. we were pulled together by K-POP, later we just clicked. we talked a lot about each other when we met today at Sya's house. Hubble stuff. if we should take a trip after SPM. maybe move together into an apartment. Ika and Shahira wanted Johor so that if some Korean artist holds a concert in Singapore and not in Malaysia we can still go. but I think that's a bit too far - we need somewhere we're familiar with so that our parents won't be so against it. about the trip, I suggested Singapore too, but then I thought, it's quite costly, and when I mentioned Tioman to mom she said she wouldn't let me go because we'd have to ride a boat there is not through flight (which I highly doubt since it WILL be expensive).

we're thinking independent things. no asking for money from parents. part-time jobs to support us. living with just the eight of us, and maybe Ili as our manager (she'll never be the ninth member - most people think it's because we don't wanna be like SNSD, but me and Ika agree that it's because we want Hubble to be something privileged. like, not just anyone who likes K-POP can join. although I'm sure about half of Hubble wants Ili in). at first I though if Ili was manager she'll sleep in the living room, but Ain and Aina wants to be roommates with Ili. although I think pulling out sticks would be much more fair. I mean, I don't know who  I should pick - truthfully I want either Ika or Shahira, but I don't want to seem biased against the others so. pulling sticks, definitely. plus it would depend on the apartment itself, right?

I asked Kak Ain's opinion on the apartment thing before surfacing the issue with mom because she'll definitely be putting rules up and be questioning me, as if I'm just a kid, I wouldn't really understand stuff like this. and apparently, I am still just a kid.

technically I get the main point - pay the rent and bills, there'll be the food and furniture to handle, then there'll be maintenance a.k.a. constant spring cleaning. but then Kak Ain said finding an apartment that will suit all of us - since there's so many of us from sort-of many places and needs - will be hard, plus most landlords would want a certain period of time for us to stay there, and Kak Ain said commonly they would want us to be there for a year, at least. and I'm here thinking, tell your parents not to worry, it's only until we start our Pre-U and that's like, what, eight to ten months of living together? plus all the moving in involved..

it's complicated, but if it happens, we'll know that whatever Hubble wants to do, we can do.

when we see the other die of though. the fun we'll have. the study groups, the fangirling, the concerts. it'll be so fun. plus nowadays we're starting to lessen up on just having fun and starting to talk about each other and being truthful. it's nice to know what others think of you, and still able to laugh about it.
Awkward Shahira.
Glutton Ain.
who you think is pretty.
how can you describe a person in one word.

we're in one group so all these stuff, we have to be honest and open about it.
I miss them. if we live together, we'd definitely have more of these moments.

p.s, throughout our conversations and laughter, I kept thinking, if there were cameras and directors, and we can act naturally like this, a lot of people would watch that show, wouldn't they?
if we were in Strong Heart, there'll definitely be a lot of hits. the whole studio would laugh. if only we actually spoke Korean XD

Thursday, April 19, 2012

langkawi for cracks.

because Fern was asking for it.

Well there ain't much to talk about other than how pissed I am at my dad's department at his university. The reason I'm going to Langkawi in a few hours and arrive back here on Saturday at night is because they were supposed to have a Family Day. mind, I used the word supposed to. they were gonna ride a bus there, but since we have Umar and Haris we decided to just take a flight there instead. but apparently, they fucking cancelled it. and we already booked RM1500 worth of flight tickets.

so everyone who was planning to go (which is everyone in my family except Bakmal) is going today to Langkawi, for no apparent reason. my mom had meetings, my dad has class on Saturday and I have three events that I'll miss on Saturday. and that's excluding actual school that I have to attend to.

so yeah. I can't be anymore pissed, nor will being pissed bring me any luck of actually avoiding this forced holiday to attend all three events that will be held on Saturday so. moving on.

a lot of feelings recently. B.A.P's coming back next week. they already posted two teaser photos, I'm not sure if Daehyun and Yongjae's is out yet. Jongup and Himchan has black hair now. I think Yongguk and Zelo stayed blonde, but Zelo's hair is no longer curly and it's slightly shorter. okay I saw DaeJae's teaser photo. damn creepy la wei diorang ni XD can't wait though. I hope the song's good.
then there's EXO who's EVERYWHERE. i cannot avoid them. I solemnly swear that I won't turn into an Exotic. but I'm totally shipping BaekYeol, even if Baekhyun's my bias. their height contrast makes it all even cuter!! (refer above GIF)

then there's real life feels like that boy on Twitter than J. finally hugged her today. I guess I should thank my dad's department for that because I was using 'leaving to Langkawi, won't be spending weekends with you guys' as an excuse just to see how she'd react. haha. I don't know how to explain how she reacted though. maybe it was too quick. maybe her hands were too full to hug me back. but yea. I did it.

then there's stress from exam and weirdly forever procrastinated homework. I can't even manage to practice the piano. sorry teacher, you can only depend on me to finish up my theory.. tu pun because the exam's coming soon.. I think the theory exam is gonna be in between the school exam @_@ can you believe it. what is this even I don't know.

and yea. that's it. just full of feels.

to J.

Sunday, April 15, 2012


why do I start my posts with weird k-pop macros

so I've been keeping myself busy recently. there was Holes, and that was a success I guess. worked hard enough, was happy enough. I don't think I was in any loss, since I didn't really fall back on homework (classes, maybe though) but I didn't really gain that much neither. Well I did gain the knowledge of putting Baekhyun as my screen-lock picture though. and got some selcas that might be useful in the future since I don't have many good selcas.

I also gained blisters yay. it really hurts, but I guess it was worse before when it was hard just to shower. now it's kinda swollen though.

other than that, my mom's birthday was last Friday and well.. the present I bought her came on that day XD I already told her by then though, that I bought her something online and it hasn't arrived yet. it was only because I didn't want her to spend the day feeling down because her daughter didn't give her anything. later when she got the necklace she didn't really look as happy as I expected but I guess she's already happy with everything else Ayah bought her. Ayah should really give us the limelight sometimes. but then again, he's the one with all the money so.
we had dinner Friday night as a steamboat seafood restaurant. everyone was kinda quiet. hmm I should post some pictures we took. at least, the ones that I look okay in.

It's kinda dark but you get the idea. 

so yeah. I don't know. I guess printing the t-shirts myself would mean a lot of hard work and time consumed. plus it'll be more quality. I wonder if it's worth ten bucks to just ask someone to do it for me. plus now.. nah nah I won't do an EXO shirt lol. what am I thinking @___@ if there was a specific Baekhyun symbol (which technically, there is, it's just that no one's drew it out clearly yet) then I'd so make a Baekhyun tee. btw Baekhyun's fans are called Sparklers, because of his 'light' powers.
Am I sparkling yet?
so if I want to make four (not including Maria's) tees, it's be RM140. ... I mean, I won't even buy normal t-shirts in Jusco that cost more than 15 bucks - cuz there's just tees.
But then again these are custom made. so if I want to print a tee, I should at least fill it up with stuffsh rather than printing out a simple tee that doesn't even need a lot of printing work. cuz it's a fixed price.

I miss Hubble. hope they miss me as much as I miss them.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

ja, matta.

question :  who was better, EXO or B.A.P?

certified Baby, I answered B.A.P when eatyourkimchi asked this question in their latest review of MAMA. thing is, I really liked both of them. they're both totally awesome and they have like concepts and little secrets that EXO had exposed it all (probably), while B.A.P still has some secrets to expose (like the bunnies and their hair colour when they comeback). so far 2012 had been overwhelming with groups debuting practically every month (B.A.P in January, Nu'est in February, BTOB in March and EXO in April) and there's word that YG and JYP will be debuting their trainee groups too. if Nu'est and BTOB are rivals, B.A.P are rivals with EXO then these two will probably be rivals too. it's all funny, really. and interesting too. :>

I really wonder what it would be like if B.A.P and EXO really met on a battle field. B.A.P would have hammers, Jongup cracking his fingers. they'd be smudged with dirt, smirking at their opponents playfully.
'So, super powers huh?' Yongguk would say, taking his place at the front of the group as leader. 'Nice shiny pants,' he nods. 'Very... fabulous.'

Suho would come out from his crowd of handsome boys, his face serious as usual. While B.A.P was manly and strongly built, EXO was more tall and slim. (except for Baekhyun and D.O.,and B.A.P's exception is Zelo haha) They would be unarmed - other than their charms that gives them their power. 'If you really want blond hairs, we could always bleach it for you guys.' as if on cue, Chanyeol's phoenix roars up in a blinding fire that burns like the sun.  Zelo squinted a little, but held his stance.

'Nice birdie, are you selling it? I'll pay ten won for the pigeon,' Himchan smirked.

Chanyeol didn't hesitate and went to give the blonde flower boy a punch, but Suho held him back. 'Let it go.' Himchan chuckled.

Yongguk came to Suho and looked him straight in the eye, their faces not two inches away from each other. 'Look, pretty boy. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Earth is ours. We're conquering it. Go and play on Pluto or something.'

'I'm sorry, but this cannot be helped. Earth has the most resources of power, therefore we will not budge.'

Yongguk shrugged. 'If you want it that way.' without warning he held up his hammer that sized as big as a car engine and weighed more than a horse. his veins popping on his arms, the hammer hit the side of Suho's body and flung him to the side. Chanyeol was unable to control his anger anymore. as if from one body, his phoenix flew pass his owner straight to hit Himchan in the guts, pushing him off his feet. Youngjae looked back to see his hyung thirty meters away. suddenly he felt someone poking his chest. he turned back around for Kai to land a good punch on his face before he suddenly disappears and reappear again behind the boy with high cheekbones. he poked Youngjae again, which foolish made him turn around, and Kai gave another punch on his gut.

Jongup, quick on grasping what was going on ran towards Baekhyun who shone light from his palms on Jongup's face. He avoided it, and slickly gave Baekhyun a flick on his nose. The boy with eyeliner drawn held his nose yelling 'What the hell, man?' Jongup only laughed playfully. That's when D.O decided to give the boy a nudge. He stomped his foot and the earth below him raised like a wave, running toward the boy. Jongup lost control of his footing and got rolled away by the wave, his body constantly hit by rocks. Zelo swung his hammer on the side of D.O's head from behind, causing him to lose ability to control his wave. It knocks over Yongguk instead, who was battling Suho and his ball of water, that had been threatening Yongguk's hammer by slicing it bit by bit during battle, causing it to shrink.

Daehyun just stares on at the fights. From behind, Sehun appears with an orange butterfly on his shoulder. He didn't attack. He came next to Daehyun and watched with him. Daehyun, noticing his existence, removes his mask slightly to talk.

'So this is how a war is like.'

'Yes, it must be.'

'You want to join in?' Daehyun asks, swinging his hammer into the air, then catching it back again as it falls.

'Well, I must fight for my home planet,' Sehun says, not amused by Daehyun's act. His butterfly floated away, while a tornado quietly forms behind him, slowly increasing in size.

And that's how a war starts.

from left : Chanyeol, Kai, Suho, D.O, Sehun, Baekhyun.

from left: Yongguk, Daehyun, Youngjae, Zelo, Himchan, Jongup.


My school got another career exhibition today. not amused. they keep promoting practically the same thing over and over again. it never helps with what I would actually become in the future.
I wanna go to Japan. I really do. but why go all the way there to study journalism? yes Hafizah I was listening. I've heard it a million times from my parents. it's not really something to be proud of as the one and only daughter of a lecturer and lawyer, now is it? plus, I'm the last one. I'm their only hope. the other too messed their lives. I can't mess up mine. for my parents, I won't.

p.s, I asked Kak Ain to watch both videos. She liked MAMA better, because she kinda got a headache from watching Warrior. I guess it was wrong for me to ask which video she liked better. lol why am I so upset Warrior lost? I love both of them.. ><"

Friday, April 6, 2012

what if it's always there in my mind.

what if she stalks this blog and uses it to ruin my life.
what if she stalks my Twitter too.
what if she knows everything that's going on in my life and decides to use it to manipulate my life because she hates me for what I've done.
what if she's there to read this post too, and discovers that she's been figured out, but does nothing about it so that it won't be obvious.
what if she's secretly an evil genius.
what if my life will never be the same again if I don't leave this room when my mom tells me she's going.
what if I'm just that angry at her.
what if the only boy that can make me smile right now (who's not Korean) is in love. with someone else.
what if I'm not in love with him neither, but I need him to survive.
what if he reads this blog too.
what if my special someone is going to the gathering and I won't be there to meet him.
what if I die before any of this is answered.
what if my parents die before any of this answered.
what if it wouldn't matter anymore, because my parents are gone.
what if I was to go downstairs right now and apologize to my mom.
what if she completely ignores me.
what if she acknowledges it and we'd be okay again.
what if we always get better again, but she never really got better herself.
what if I have no solution to that.

Shut Up! Flower Boy Band FMV competition.

No.3 goes to :

Song is a legend. Perfect for these boys. Full-song editing. A bit messy though.

No.2 goes to :

Cute. Clean. Funny. Why not?

and winner is :

Song is perfect. It makes you feel the bond. Really nice, without giving out any spoilers.
Really, really addicted to this drama I'm telling you.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


too. many. emotions. cannot. sustain.

yesterday I spent half of the day with Nuryn and Nurin. confused? don't be. they're both the Nury/ins from 4SB. so anyways Nurin had this eraser that wrote 100%, anything's possible, yeah for sure, no way, dream on and whatever. so we started 'predicting our futures' which was funny because if it's true, I'll end up marrying a hot Chinese guy who's rich but I won't be happy. I'll get three kids. I won't marry a Korean. everything else were anything's possible so. then we started to get bored with it because the eraser totally had a crush on Nadiah and kept giving her 100% or yeah for sure so we started playing Truth. we asked a bunch of crush questions and I just realized somethings about myself.

I won't have a crush on a guy who has a girlfriend or just recently broke up with a girl I know.
If a friend of mine just broke up with a guy I had a crush on, I would go to her instead of him.
Well I wouldn't have a crush on him in the first place.
Easily said, guys with girlfriends (meaning like he's had a couple and not known for staying single) is a major turn off for me.
I guess I just want someone who's been searching for someone who's special, like I am. I guess he'd appreciate me more because it's not like he has a line of girls lining up for him. Not because he's not nice but because they didn't see anything special about him.
I wish I'll find someone who I can make feel special. Even if I don't mean it. like I just find him attractive but not the way everyone else does. someone special like that, it's not easy to find.

I read a manga once where there were three friends - two guys and a girl. one of the guy wanted to date the girl and she agreed simply because he's a nice guy. but then the girl actually liked the other guy without herself knowing but the guy loved both of them the same so he didn't wanna ruin their relationship and -- well this is all beside the point. I just wonder if I was in the same situation as the girl, would I break up with the boy and break his heart, or should I let go of my crush. it's hard, it really is, since all three of you are close friends.

anyway, so today was kinda fun actually. kinda, sorta, I dunno. I enjoyed being rebellious (?) though. we had recess early, and somehow I'm happy that I sound more together lately. before I've been talking a lot of gibberish due to my temporary bipolar disorder. so since yesterday, since she came back, I felt better. anyways today we had recess early because there was supposed to be a program called Money Tree by Maybank. so since all the classes were having the same program I decided to become a 4SM student. haha. they asked me to audition and all that (you know, SM, whatever.) and we played a bunch of games since the people came late. can't help but laugh when Cassie de-merited Shahira for eating in class but she rolled her eyes about it. maybe because she was more worried about the phone in her file (shh).
later we found out the classes were gonna combine and despite my guilt for leaving Aina behind with my class, I stayed with SM even though they were supposed to combine with KK. Amelia, their KD gave me a break by adding me to the class count. I hope SA didn't mind. lol they probably didn't even notice or maybe lost interest on my whereabouts further into the program.

so the game was kinda annoying. at first it seemed really interesting but it got more annoying when the guy couldn't get what I was trying to answer and he seemed really biased. but whatever. since he can't understand me my answers wouldn't be counted therefore I shouldn't play at all. there was a point where I just sat there staring at all those people screaming 'grab' for a chance to answer. at this point my feedback form had already been filled in. my comment was about how they make us feel pissed off because they were so biased. of course, I didn't put my real name (Lynn :P is not my real name.) nor did I put in my real number, or e-mail, or even birth date (I think they can tell since Baekhyun was born four years and two days before I did). I also put 'shipal' and 'baka' around the comments, and about the yes or no questions, there was one about being more confident about my future and I'm like.. no. just, no. they thought us a lot of things but how can these three hours make me more confident about my future? I need like, a full course on banking to actually be confident about my future, since I have no idea how banks works anyway. all I know is that they keep money, and give it to us when we need it. or when we have the card and pin code.
back to the forms. Shahira's was the messiest (she started all this anyway, I just knew my limit) because she wrote her name at first but after all the insults we had to liquid her name and email out and put anonymous. we had to liquid that a couple of times too because she wasn't sure how to spell it. Ili was definitely the funniest. she wrote about how she's disappointed MBLAQ's not coming to Malaysia and they're making it all worse. unfortunately, she wrote it all in pencil so when it came to handing it in she erased it all. Ain made no comment. Ida said that the guy was being unfair towards the ones at the back (yea that's us).

so yea. that was today.

I've been watching Shut Up! Flower Boy Band. I dunno I guess I'm really trying hard to find something to do. When I finished TPOBAW I really wanted to find another book to read but there were no recommendations. Khairun recommended this drama and since I saw the GIF of them eating ramyun together I really felt like I could relate. today I watched the second episode when Byunghee died and even though I know he was gonna die, I still teared up. I can imagine me watching it on TV for the first time without spoilers. I'd really cry then, and I'll hate the drama forever for ending the episode like that. I really will.



Korean band CNBLUE will build a school under their name in a village in Western Africa, according to a press release from their agency FNC Entertainment on Wednesday. 
FNC said that CNBLUE is building a school in the village named Niamadougou, Burkina Paso, an underdeveloped country in Africa, to improve one of the world’s poorest nation’s educational environment.
With the decision, they will be assisting around 1,100 children from the village with after school classes and lunch fees, annually.
CNBLUE‘s charitable efforts, which already took off last month, will be donated with a portion of the band’s album and concert ticket sales.
We’ve been searching for ways to repay for the incredible love of our fans and came up with the school project,” the officials said in the statement. “We’ll continuously support abused and neglected children (around the world).
Composed of Lee Jung-shin, Jung Yong-hwa, Kang Min-hyuk and Lee Jong-hyun,CNBLUE made their comeback after dropping the third mini-album “EAR FUN” on March 26.
Based on data compiled by Hanteo, CNBLUE‘s new album moved around 53,155 copies just in seven days after the release last week.


what's funny about Jonghyun is that when they all post on their blog, Jonghyun is the most expressionless out of all of them. everyone has at least one exclamation mark and Jonghyun's all '.' <--what is this called?

Monday, April 2, 2012


it's been like this a lot during recess. 
I miss our laughs and smiles. 
when are we going back to normal? 
I feel like everyone is burdened these days.

I told you guys I started reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm almost finished; mostly because the book only have 230 pages. It's quite interesting, plus it makes me feel like blogging the way Charlie writes. It's definitely different from books I've read before - mostly because people don't talk about pot as much in the books I've read. the sex parts.. well let's just say I've gotten my hands on a Little Black Dress book before. and maybe some rated fan-fics. The conclusion was kinda unpredictable, since the issue came up a bit later in the book, and concluding it was the main reason Charlie's like that is just.. wrong. well don't wanna spoil it for you guys.

I don't know. These days when I watch a good movie or read a good movie, I wanna share it with Bakmal. Feels like I'm finally mature enough to talk to him about my interests. but I keep holding myself back because he might still think I'm just a kid. The latest thing I've talked with him about was watching THG, and we still haven't done that. I really wish we could have more time to spend together. I'm sure both of us are a lot alike.

anyways so I didn't blog about Saturday, which I spent half of the day at Segamat. it was nice not being left out. I liked the fact that they asked me to take pictures with them but I didn't like how I looked hurr. isn't that familiar. on the way there I met Xueh Wei at an R&R. I saw her mother first, but I thought my eyes were playing tricks with me. Then I thought, ya know, Xueh Wei's kampung is at Johor too so maybe... then I saw her in a black tee and purple shorts. people around would've thought we were just normal classmates, not even knowing how close we actually are since we were so awkward. no, I think we both were thinking the same thing - yea kay saw you at R&R, kabye - so yea. haha.

today we spent the day hanging around the hall. Ain was absent, and Ika was off to PGL practices at UiTM. Aina and Ili got KP duties and me and Dina were left in the hall, completely bored. we went for recess and met Ida there. went back and saw Aina and Ili so we decided to become Police Cadets for a day. we went with them to their break and did duties too. we were actually quite good KP-for-a-day. when Azraa asked "KP kan?" I confidently answered yes. at that time Aina and Ili went to duty elsewhere. Dina was just laughing at how good I am at lying. we hung around a lot. just finding an excuse to not enter the hall and listen to all those boring speeches.
Maryam thought after their break she would join the hall and just listen for awhile but when her friend said this was the fourth speech she heard today, Maryam just walked away, not wanting to die. I guess it's better to duty after all.

we were in class for the last hour and half of the school day. I finished up my add-M by copying Nadiah's work. mostly because I don't understand the latest topic we're learning. and that's because the last few Add-M classes I was really, really sleepy and couldn't catch a thing teacher said. that includes today. I got the homework from Alysha since I was sleeping when teacher told us and when I tried to do it, I got a headache. If I wasn't sleeping in class, this would've definitely been easier. but apparently I don't have someone next to me to either pinch me or actually listen while I slept. actually that was my job whenever Ika was in class, but now I'm turning into Ika, and I don't have a Lynn to help me keep up. I miss Ika.

so an announcement was made that there would be no co-curriculum activities this whole week, which I'm assuming is to prevent a lot of noise during the SAEYLES event. thing is, I already have a bag filled with sports clothes and three thick Japanese books chucked into my backpack. it was frustrating that I had to bring so much for nothing. heck I probably should've just brought my add-m books and it would've been enough for today. when I got out of school, Aunty Nin wasn't around, and neither was all the kids that went back home with me. I assumed that she had left me.I wanted to call mom to make sure but there were only two working phone booths and a really long line that follows so I just went back with Ida. it was nice.

what wasn't nice was that I stayed a really long time at my mom's office, when I was really tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. apparently mom was really busy so I didn't bug her about it. just stayed on Tumblr most of the time. when I got home I just slept all the way till Maghrib, which I was really freaking out about cuz my phone was switched off and I wasn't sure whether my watch said 7.40 or 8.40, cuz if it's 8.40 I would have missed Maghrib. just had dinner. kinda down right now. I don't know why. I think Charlie is the biggest reason why.

Sungha Jung can make me go to his YouTube channel just to stare at his Irony album banner. if I had the money, I'd so buy his albums. hey, I can convince my dad to buy them. haha. he seems disinterested in Sungha lately though. maybe because he's all grown up and he doesn't play oldies that my dad likes anymore. in fact Ayah's so busy lately I haven't heard him play his guitar in awhile now. hmm.

to that person. I wish I had the answer to when people ask me why you aren't around anymore. I really wish I do. but I don't. and it makes me sad to think that - to think that you didn't find it important to really tell anyone why you've been keeping your distance. Or maybe someone does know. but she decided that she shouldn't tell anyone. I would probably consider doing that too, but then since the rest are worried I would tell them eventually partially what's going on. if one of us does know, I wish she will speak up soon.
But knowing you, you probably didn't tell anyone. or at least, not one of us.
if only you knew how much we worry about you. maybe you'd care more about us. but then we can't really force you to care about something that's not important to you.
she probably knows, doesn't she? my classmate. she's so busy, but she still has time to walk with you.
all of this bothers me so much, yet I don't know why. if only you knew.