Monday, April 2, 2012


it's been like this a lot during recess. 
I miss our laughs and smiles. 
when are we going back to normal? 
I feel like everyone is burdened these days.

I told you guys I started reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm almost finished; mostly because the book only have 230 pages. It's quite interesting, plus it makes me feel like blogging the way Charlie writes. It's definitely different from books I've read before - mostly because people don't talk about pot as much in the books I've read. the sex parts.. well let's just say I've gotten my hands on a Little Black Dress book before. and maybe some rated fan-fics. The conclusion was kinda unpredictable, since the issue came up a bit later in the book, and concluding it was the main reason Charlie's like that is just.. wrong. well don't wanna spoil it for you guys.

I don't know. These days when I watch a good movie or read a good movie, I wanna share it with Bakmal. Feels like I'm finally mature enough to talk to him about my interests. but I keep holding myself back because he might still think I'm just a kid. The latest thing I've talked with him about was watching THG, and we still haven't done that. I really wish we could have more time to spend together. I'm sure both of us are a lot alike.

anyways so I didn't blog about Saturday, which I spent half of the day at Segamat. it was nice not being left out. I liked the fact that they asked me to take pictures with them but I didn't like how I looked hurr. isn't that familiar. on the way there I met Xueh Wei at an R&R. I saw her mother first, but I thought my eyes were playing tricks with me. Then I thought, ya know, Xueh Wei's kampung is at Johor too so maybe... then I saw her in a black tee and purple shorts. people around would've thought we were just normal classmates, not even knowing how close we actually are since we were so awkward. no, I think we both were thinking the same thing - yea kay saw you at R&R, kabye - so yea. haha.

today we spent the day hanging around the hall. Ain was absent, and Ika was off to PGL practices at UiTM. Aina and Ili got KP duties and me and Dina were left in the hall, completely bored. we went for recess and met Ida there. went back and saw Aina and Ili so we decided to become Police Cadets for a day. we went with them to their break and did duties too. we were actually quite good KP-for-a-day. when Azraa asked "KP kan?" I confidently answered yes. at that time Aina and Ili went to duty elsewhere. Dina was just laughing at how good I am at lying. we hung around a lot. just finding an excuse to not enter the hall and listen to all those boring speeches.
Maryam thought after their break she would join the hall and just listen for awhile but when her friend said this was the fourth speech she heard today, Maryam just walked away, not wanting to die. I guess it's better to duty after all.

we were in class for the last hour and half of the school day. I finished up my add-M by copying Nadiah's work. mostly because I don't understand the latest topic we're learning. and that's because the last few Add-M classes I was really, really sleepy and couldn't catch a thing teacher said. that includes today. I got the homework from Alysha since I was sleeping when teacher told us and when I tried to do it, I got a headache. If I wasn't sleeping in class, this would've definitely been easier. but apparently I don't have someone next to me to either pinch me or actually listen while I slept. actually that was my job whenever Ika was in class, but now I'm turning into Ika, and I don't have a Lynn to help me keep up. I miss Ika.

so an announcement was made that there would be no co-curriculum activities this whole week, which I'm assuming is to prevent a lot of noise during the SAEYLES event. thing is, I already have a bag filled with sports clothes and three thick Japanese books chucked into my backpack. it was frustrating that I had to bring so much for nothing. heck I probably should've just brought my add-m books and it would've been enough for today. when I got out of school, Aunty Nin wasn't around, and neither was all the kids that went back home with me. I assumed that she had left me.I wanted to call mom to make sure but there were only two working phone booths and a really long line that follows so I just went back with Ida. it was nice.

what wasn't nice was that I stayed a really long time at my mom's office, when I was really tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. apparently mom was really busy so I didn't bug her about it. just stayed on Tumblr most of the time. when I got home I just slept all the way till Maghrib, which I was really freaking out about cuz my phone was switched off and I wasn't sure whether my watch said 7.40 or 8.40, cuz if it's 8.40 I would have missed Maghrib. just had dinner. kinda down right now. I don't know why. I think Charlie is the biggest reason why.

Sungha Jung can make me go to his YouTube channel just to stare at his Irony album banner. if I had the money, I'd so buy his albums. hey, I can convince my dad to buy them. haha. he seems disinterested in Sungha lately though. maybe because he's all grown up and he doesn't play oldies that my dad likes anymore. in fact Ayah's so busy lately I haven't heard him play his guitar in awhile now. hmm.

to that person. I wish I had the answer to when people ask me why you aren't around anymore. I really wish I do. but I don't. and it makes me sad to think that - to think that you didn't find it important to really tell anyone why you've been keeping your distance. Or maybe someone does know. but she decided that she shouldn't tell anyone. I would probably consider doing that too, but then since the rest are worried I would tell them eventually partially what's going on. if one of us does know, I wish she will speak up soon.
But knowing you, you probably didn't tell anyone. or at least, not one of us.
if only you knew how much we worry about you. maybe you'd care more about us. but then we can't really force you to care about something that's not important to you.
she probably knows, doesn't she? my classmate. she's so busy, but she still has time to walk with you.
all of this bothers me so much, yet I don't know why. if only you knew.

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