Wednesday, May 30, 2012

nothing special.

it's just that, do you talk to other girls like this to? like, are you willing to stay up until 3am to talk to anyone else?
does conversations with other people last for hours like ours does?

it's not that I have any special feeling for you. but you're my only guy friend and you know. you're something different.
and that doesn't mean you're something special, sorry to say. just different.

if I had any other guy friend at all I wouldn't be thinking this but...
what if we really did get together?

I know you'll say "but that's just so wrong, we're friends. close friends, but nothing more."
but haven't it ever crossed your mind at all?
tbh, since we've known each other for so long as if we went to the same secondary school, I don't have much feelings for you neither.

but I do wait. I wait for you to mention me and say something first.
just, sometimes I wish you wouldn't, afraid that whatever we had would be lost. or if I say something wrong or I wouldn't have anything interesting to talk bout and you'll stop talking to me.

I guess I like feeling special. and you make me feel special. although I'm probably not.


it always seems this way. when I feel like someone treats me slightly better than anyone else, I start wanting more attention from that person, while it probably didn't mean much to that person anyway.
battery's starting to run out. that's it, I guess.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I feel stupid. should I? should I not?
Admin Nana did a great job entertaining the BABYs this afternoon, now I'm trying to do something only three BABYs are online.

I'll just handle the updates.

so yesterday was the second Hubble sleepover gathering! ^^ so fun. we started off our activities with cooking lunch and the easiest was ayam masak kicap. I was probably one of the more clueless ones, which is shameful because I've always acted as an unnie but in the kitchen I SUCK. so cooking made me feel useless *yay* so with the rice cooked by leader Sya (because she's clueless in the kitchen too) and lauk ayam masak kicap by the pros, Aina, Ain, Ili (even tho she actually made things slightly worse) and Shahira (can you believe it?!) we had lunch :D at this moment, we still believe that Khairun won't be turning up :c

tbh I really felt stupid when Shahira knew more stuff than me. she's like 6 months younger than me how.

so in the mean time we were also working out how to make kimchi. when we were done Ika called the boys to come down and take their lunch upstairs. Me, Sya and Aina ran into the guest room and waited until they were securely upstairs. accidents do happen though, like I was walking out of the kitchen while tweeting and Azfar suddenly came down and I was like O.O *turns and runs into the corner of the kitchen*

wait wait are you guys confused? we weren't wearing our tudungs at that time.

so yea that should explain it. so after cleaning up we 'practiced' for our 'mini-concert' that night. I forced Ain to try her best on rapping clearly to Two Moons, and the others were doing random stuff. as I was taking a picture of Shahira sleeping and tweeting about it (here) everyone was getting excited somehow. they ran to the door. apparently, Khairun had been lying through her teeth bout how she misses us and can't come and all that grr. after that was a blur and suddenly they were dancing to KPOP songs in the living room. I only danced to B.A.P :D and U-Kiss, a bit, and SHINee. still failing my Ring Ding Dong though sobs.

later everyone cleaned up and we had dinner :3 rice, KFC and daging salai Ika and Ida's mom got us ^^ and KIMCHI! then we had ice cream for desert than we got into our bedroom and started the Circle of Truth again. what comes in doesn't come out though ;) there were things I wanted to say but couldn't get out of my mouth though. well I guess I'm okay with just Ika knowing. or maybe not idk. hmm.
well one thing I'll let leak though was that there was the question "who in Hubble do you want to get attention from?" Shahira answered first and said the girl on her left. that was Khairun. at this moment I was already embarrassed to reveal mine. not everyone had that someone. Ika was like "I think I know" at me and I was like "you britau la!" and she was like "ni ni budak ni" as I hid under a comforter called the sheet of embarrassment. it was Jalil, Jalil ok. then I listened as Khairun say it was Ain and I finally got the guts to come out when Aina said hers was me. so Aina -> me -> Shahira -> Khairun ->Ain what. haha.
they also classified me as the most kpop fanatic. Ili said it was because I seem to know a lot and Ika said it was because if I like a group, I really REALLY like them keke. I guess that's true.

we had our 'mini-concert' (Sya was cute, dancing SISTAR's Alone >w< Aina was cool dancing EXO's  History. Shahira malu-malu kucing dancing to MAMA. me and Ain rapped Two Moons keke) then 'bounced' to JJ Project's Bounce then we played some games then we slept ^^ the maknae line didn't want to sleep, but later I woke up at 4.30 and saw Khairun's tweet that said they slept like half an hour after the rest did haha. 6.05, my alarm sounded but I didn't wake up. woke up at 7.30 for subuh although it was obviously too late, but no one else woke up neither. except for Ida, but she had to go to school. had breakfast (oven hashbrowns and scrambled eggs, made fried rice for the boys) then we got ready for the main event - Running Man.

so after we got ready Ili briefed us and got me, Ain and Aina out of the house. she told us that she chose us as group leaders because we woke up the earliest. she told us to scissor paper stone as she tells the other members to hide around the house. so when we knew who goes in first and last we started searching. one round around the house - spotted no one. then I searched more thoroughly and Aina followed me into a closet where we found Shahira. we didn't touch her though, I told Aina we should let Ain keep searching for her. later I found Khairun. got her as my team mate, then we got socks from Ili and instructions to search for Amirah (oh yea she came sometime before breakfast). she told us to guess some stuff inside boxes and that was easy idk why they even asked us to do the elephant spin totally unneeded?
then we came back to the house and Ili told us to search for our nametags. that was hard. searched everywhere for mine and after three shots of fish sauce (time penalty) Aina finally said "ok whoever changed the position of the names go and get it and give it to their owners." I already found Khairun's, and apparently Shahira found mine and hid it, but Aina's and Ain's were really missing. but Shahira wouldn't give mine back unless someone gave back Ain's but NO ONE TOOK IT. so in the end Shahira was still playing a fool and I'm just like bitch can you just give me my fucking name.

i guess this is where she thought I was hot-headed. hmm I guess I am.

we got our names and Ili told us that from now on, our main point is to find the person with the real sock. we're on our own, meaning this is where the name ripping begin. I ran away from them and hid behind a truck and lasted until the last four players. I know I didn't get the real sock though. I stupidly got distracted and Aina got my nametag sobs. then Ain got Aina's then Sya got Ain's and we're all just like WOW OK WHAT HAPPENED THERE. so we decided Sya should be the next PD because Ili wasn't really a good one. loljk she did her best. but the chase was only for 6 minutes because it was outdoors and no one dared to go that far.

so we cleaned up and took pictures before Shahira had to leave, then I went back home with Khairun. ugh I'm too tired. goodnight.

Friday, May 25, 2012

confessions of a sad fangirl.

#np Lonely in Gorgeous

keeping distracted with Twitter. maybe I should uninstalling the effing thing from my phone. it was the demon to my examination period.
I won't be ranting about each exam, but I will say that I won't be expecting to get exactly the best marks in the form. I guess I can see that a lot of people had trouble getting into the studying mood, and I was one of them, definitely. i don't know. I hope it won't be like this for every exam in form 4. that'll suck for me. although it's already the mid-terms, although it's the mid-year break, I feel like I've learned definitely less than half of the form 4 syllables. which is bad.

#np Nervous - Akiakane

especially Sejarah. mom and dad did ask me whether I needed tuition. what I really need is a break from the distraction which is K-pop. I'm finally blaming them for ruining my academical life. well it's just the truth that I can't hide anymore. it doesn't mean that I'm gonna quit loving these Korean guys forever. Sheryl literally deleted her Tumblr account, which I think is unnecessary. I put mine on hiatus and I didn't touch it unless like, there was Baekhyun's birthday and B.A.P's 100th day, so I posted one or two posts just to inform them I'm alive and still celebrating K-pop.

#np Unhappy Refrain - Hatsune Miku

so how? I tried unfollowing some really distracting Twitter accounts but there's still YouTube and my phone is filled with pictures of Korean guys due to the fact that I couldn't transfer the pictures into the laptop (this caused memory problems too sobs) so I couldn't stop staring at them then yes, Twitter still a distraction. there were times I felt like breaking this phone but it cost my PMR money so before I could throw it to the ground I would put it back to my chest, thinking of my hard work from last year that barely got me the cheapest Android phone available in the market.

#np A Song I'd Like To Sing - Hatsune Miku

in fact the times I put my blogs on hiatus it didn't really help much neither because it didn't make me study or anything. the only possible resolution to this is to be strong and try my best to restrain from getting distracted with cute Korean guys.

so tonight U-Kiss and Block B performed for Hari Belia '12. yes they're breathing the exact same air as we are at this very moment and I can't go see them sobs. truthfully, I didn't mind not being able to go for Hari Belia because I know it's gonna be really crowded but I really wanted to go for Block B's showcase tomorrow but my parents didn't allow me plus no transport. and the fact that it's at Kenanga Mall, KL. where is that even lol. I don't think I've ever passed by there. it's as foreign to me as Paradigm Mall is. so yea. no Korean namjas this holidays neither. <-- saddest kpop fangirl on earth.

#np GUMI - Noising (?)

I just hope luck would be on my side when B.A.P or CNBLUE comes to Malaysia. if they ever come. which hopefully they will sobs please do come I really need to meet you guys serious shit I love you guys so much can I just, like be at least 500 meters from you guys please sobs CNBLUE you guys are the coolest band I have ever seen and I love your passion please sobs come to Malaysia please I wanna see Jonghyun and hear him rape that guitar live please B.A.P you guys were so close and I know you loved Singapore please come to Malaysia you'll love it just as much please sobs I just wanna see you guys dance live please and see Jongup's eye smile live and see how tall Zelo really is for someone my age please sobs if you guys make a fanmeeting that'll be better I wanna high-five Jonguppie sobs

#np Megurine Luka - No Logic
......why do I lead such a sad life?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

what is exam.

hiatus break. shut up.

so that's me throughout the weekends. yay.
simply said, I did not do much and I have no idea whether I regret it or not. even if I read anything I wouldn't know if I actually memorized anything, like before. but finding that mood to actually be absorbent to all these useless facts from my Sejarah notes and reference book (I've given up on the textbook) can be quite, okay no REALLY hard. it's easier to just hold up the book to your face and fall asleep.

so I just came to talk about my grade 6 theory exam today. we headed to Sunwave Music's Bandar Utama branch at roughly 8.50 and arrived just about 15 minutes before the exam starts. since everyone came early (there were literally eight of us) we started the exam at 9.20. the thing about Sunwave is that they waste no time. even the examiner himself was fidgety as he waited for us to finish up.

so before the exam started I scanned through the people. there were three Malays, one Indian and the rest were Chinese. they always arrange the students according to grades so I was placed at the most back. there were two older kids (one unnie, one tall guy) at the most right side so I'm guessing they're one of the higher grades, either 7 or 8. the other Malay guy sat at the front, so I'm guessing he's taking either 3 or 4, with the small Chinese girl. in front of me was maybe 5, could be 6, but the one on my left was definitely 6. he was the fastest to go, must've been born to do this paper.

the paper wasn't the hardest thing I've taken, but since I didn't really consider the timing before (I thought 3 hours, what the heck) so I guess I was kinda shocked that I was the last half to finish. I took an hour and 20 minutes or so. there were some changes from the past year like, three multiple choice instead of two, then they said 'intervals' and I remembered teacher mentioning this before but that was like, the first paper afterwards I think she forgot so I just did it normally, not the inverted one >< so I didn't do the inverted one because I was worried I'd do it wrong, but I also did my triads which teacher said it was my choice whether to do it or not but I just did it in case I got ALL the intervals wrong (I guess it is since I didn't invert it LOL).
about the melody writing. I really hate sequences. I didn't follow what teacher told me, I just did whatever looked pretty on paper. and I only did the one where they gave the chords, because I couldn't really absorb at that moment that I should at least give the examiner a choice of which one sucks more. then the four part harmonization.. I'm just afraid if the examiner will take the consecutive octaves seriously. if she does, I'm dead meat.

well whatever now I can just concentrate on my practical blargh. I know I screwed up but whatever. the past it the past. I'll learn. I hope.

P.S, somehow there's always that pretty unnie that takes and exam with me :< so jealous of their cool tops and shoes and forever-falling-perfectly-over-their-shoulders-hair. while I look like I was going to someone's birthday party lol.

Friday, May 4, 2012

hiatus announcement.

so updates before I announce my hiatus. idk why but I feel like there's too much future talk on my blog and I don't even say much of what happens really in my life. so here goes. -scans through the days-

hmm let's just do this quickly.

  • 2nd May - Ain's birthday. gave her chocolates. sang her Happy Birthday out loud and Saengil Chukhahae softly.
  • 5th May - hiatus starts. only allowed to open Twitter and YT for updates. no watching extras that involve parts and as such. performances on music shows ok. I don't have much on my phone anyway so I guess it just means no laptop.
  • 6th May - Baekhyun's birthday. gonna go to Book Exhibition @PWTC to search for all the books I've wanted since forever but haven't gotten. have to remind myself bout comics and EPOP magazine too. 
  • 8th May - what day is this ah. oh yea the day I'm officially noona-worthy.
  • 11th May - Ili's birthday. dunno what to give her XD I'll make her a funny card lol. I know she'll like it.
  • 13th May - piano grade 6 theory exam @Sunwave Music branch in.. Damansara, I think.
  • 15th May -  war officially starts. Lee Jonghyun's birthday. also, Infinite's comeback with 2nd Invasion. what is life. gonna have to postpone fangirling activities it seems.
  • 20th May - the quintriplets and Aina's birthday. I have no money or time so.. cards it is XD oh wait I have a gigantic SuJu poster I don't want so I'll just give the twins that (Y)
  • 24th May - war officially ends. resume from hiatus here. get ready for updates about exams.
  • 25th May - teacher's concert. they said they wanna go but there's Hari Belia which I think Teen Top is performing on that day so. i dunno maybe we won't go on this day. Khairun's going though.
  • 26th May - busy busy busy. morning we'll go for U-Kiss at Hari Belia then afternoon 3pm we're going for Block B's showcase. imagine from Putrajaya to this unknown hotel @__@ but it's all free yay~ need money for transport and food only. 
  • 2nd June - start of Running Man event. unsure if we'll do the games on this day or the next. whatever it is there's gonna be a sleepover, the games, mini concert and some cooking involved so.
  • 3rd June - end of Running Man event.
  • 8th June - Melbourne, Australia. how arr ya, mate? (man I'm bad at these things)
  • 10th June - flight to Sydney.
  • 11th June - Kak Ain's birthday. so sad that we won't be with her to celebrate it, but I'll be sure to get her something nice!
  • 13th June - Sports Day. yes I'll be missing it. I think I've pointed this out but wtv.
  • 14th June - flight back to Melbourne.
  • 15th June - flight back to Malaysia.

I have no more plans after that. who am I kidding it's packed enough as it is (yea right). I got a whole month ahead of me planned. just pray it all goes smoothly. Amin.


I wrote a story for my essay which we had to end with "that was the best decision I has ever made" and it was kinda fantasy-like and I really wanna know what people think about it. like I hate when people comment "ok" "best" it's like, non-productive. at first when someone says "it's so cool like I actually felt scared" I was happy and all and gave them a hug but now it's just like.. is that really it?
my mom gave me a 7/10, being moms that's what they do, they try to make you better and push you to your best potential which I like. so please, the next person I give my story to, get ready to be as judgmental as possible. I swear I would've given it to Hafizah if Ika wasn't around to tell me it wasn't a good idea. but then i wouldn't want to make her think I look up to her or anything so maybe I did the right thing.

so I found this GIF on Tumblr and it really gave me inspirations for future fantasy stories.

it reminds you of war, right? everyone's fighting. we gotta keep strong. even blue-haired Korean guys. so much feels.
but then I watched the original MV which is F.Cuz's No1 and I'm just like -insertsoundsofbreakingglass- this breaks all fantasies of the GIF. and the guy's hair is actually kinda greenish-grey and yea. but still.
coloured hair really reminds me of fairies or wizards of some sorts. I will never write anything as detailed as Harry Potter ever was since English isn't my first language but these magical delusions fascinate me so much. colours and sparkles, lights coming out of places where it shouldn't like eyes or hands. then, add a few drops of blood and it's definitely my style. although I hate blood, I hate happy-go-lucky stories too.
but vampires and werewolves are overused these days that it brings no amusement anymore. i don't know how to explain it. fairies, mermaids, super humans and element bending - Yes. definitely. wizards and witchcraft - okay. gonna have to be more creative bout it though cuz it's not as simple as shooting stuff out of your hands. vampires, werewolves and Frankenstein - NO.
I guess I sort of like it when you put a twist to something so pretty and elegant into a samurai vs ninja vs pirate vs fangirl blood-thirsty war. makes it all more interesting.

argh oba-san is scolding me for sleeping so late. gomenasai senpai ><


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

exploding events.

fan-fic here

so I haven't been giving 'real' updates recently because my life hadn't been interesting enough like I haven't gotten new albums or anything. all I've been doing is retweet like a bunch of EXO and B.A.P stuff on Twitter and fangirl and save their pictures and watch their performances either streamed live. or on YT, if I didn't manage to catch it live.
I haven't even been on Tumblr much because most of the time I'm not on the laptop, I'm on my phone which is actually distraction enough what with the wi-fi and all. but I guess this is good training for me not to use the laptop when I don't really need it. (but right now it's only because I have a relative option.)

so about studies. I know it's exactly two weeks to mid-term now and I have been trying to study Sejarah. let's admit it though. when we read, we don't really absorb much. but I'm trying. so far I've only studied Sejarah, unlike most of my classmates who had probably covered every subject, just not all the topics. and if they study like Fatihah does in the library, I swear they're practically digging up a grave for me already.
tomorrow I'm just hoping I can finish up my lisan and oral (although I haven't really memorized my oral, so if it''s delayed for a day I'll be fine) and hand in my essay. and this essay... I don't know I guess it won't be what teacher expected lol. It's not inspirational at all.
what else? I'm not exactly dying on any subject due to homework. I guess I should say so for maths, add-m and physics though because I only considered it 'finished' because I left out the questions I don't understand. there's not many, but it's not technically finished now is it? I've decided to ignore this fact though.

about Hubble. we've decided to cancel out the tees. maybe next year, we said, when we don't have an event and we don't have to have everyone's names on it and we'd have more time to really design it with chibis and all (we were planning on requesting from Hana but.. maybe not yet ><" we'll ask later this year so that there'll be more time~). and the Running Man event is starting to sound more like a huge gathering with all the people coming. there's gonna be like, 14 of us which is not very.. erks XD we were used to having less than ten but more than five people. but I guess when people shoot Running Man there wouldn't be only the players, right? the PD, VJ and all - they're all needed, just not seen. problem is, we already have three VJs, but two cameras - and I don't even know if dad's gonna let me use his ><" hmm. that's a whole other problem.
Ili's really getting into planning this Running Man event thing. she's making us cook and holding mini concerts - just because she's supposed to be our manager unnie (she's not even my unnie! she's like, 3 days younger than me). I'm not really complaining I mean of course it'll be fun but there's that question whether she's serious or not and if she is then she should be telling us non-4SM members what's going on. I bet since Shahira sits in front even she doesn't know what's going on. I only knew through Dina.

talking bout Dina. I won't be around for Hari Sukan. I'll be in Australia at that time. 13th June, right? Yea I'll be there from 8th-15th June.
my dad said "Alaa, takpela once in awhile you skip, what's wrong with that?" NO AYAH NO. IT'S NOT ONCE IN AWHILE. I feel like I've been missing out on so much - I didn't go for SFS, not for Sukantara because I was sick, I didn't go for MPPH, Gathering OR Khairun's canteen day.and now I'm missing out on the biggest event ever for anyone who has a heart for their house - SPORTS DAY. it just feels like everything just went >BOOM< . you know, everything falling against each other and in the end they just explode because nothing can stick or work out. then there's also my Japanese exam to worry about, because it'll most probably be after holidays. I used to wish it would, but now I'm wishing it would be before. just, end everything and let me enjoy that two weeks with Hubble before I suffer on the inside all over again, like Langkawi, only worse.

well I guess I should memorize my oral now. g'night.