Tuesday, June 19, 2012

just another voice.



so when I came back to school I was obviously not greeted very warmly by my classmates. the first classmate who tegur-ed me (not counting Ika, and yet Ika only said "I really wanted to hang out with you today but I have to handle the Raffles girls!") was Gloria, and she asked about the English papers.
it's okay. I had fun alone. if you want to believe that.

recess Ili didn't even came by our class door, Ain didn't come. I just met up with Shahira at the canteen and had awkward conversations about EXO. later Ida came along. she didn't even eat anything cuz we were already done and she didn't want to be alone. I think I can relate.
she started talking about a certain person and we talked about more awkward topics, the three of us. after they left I thought they were gone forever but I guess Ida had some free time and we had a 'future talk'. I guess I'm tied into the things I never wanted to be involved in just because I'm a good junior.

Agama, I thought I had a chance with Nuryn and Nurin but they were already on a topic which I somehow can't really relate to at that time.
to be honest I hate cheesy romantic dreams. I rather talk about dark dreams. am I that sad? really?

so I spent agama looking left to see Nuryn who's clearly disinterested and right to see Nadhrah who wouldn't understand. it was an opinion about a classmate who quit school. I'm not really sure of her status right now, but it seems like she had some problem that most teachers know and wouldn't leak to the students. ustazah only said, "sometimes, when we can't get along with someone, you just have to brave through it and know your priorities." (translated summarized version)

so here I am to talk about my opinion about this person. I haven't read her blog in awhile and I don't know if she would've blogged about it, really. but I know her. when Pn. Noraini asked us "Dia ada masalah kan?" and someone said "Takde pun cikgu, no" I was like, how is it that you, a close friend (well I assume she's not really a close friend just a smarty pants who thinks she would know everything) wouldn't know and I do?
I mean I don't know her problem per say, but in form 2 she did seem like she was having some issues and I've always thought that it was the reason why she's like this now.
while ustazah said "sometimes there are people we just can't stand" I believe that no matter how hard she tried, she would always be this person who no one can ever stand. I really thought Nadiah was different - she had always tried to help her in form 2, always being so nice. but this year even Nadiah admitted that it was kinda hard to talk to her.
personally I tried my best to avoid talking to her. I don't know I guess I knew if I said something wrong I'm screwed forever.
#np Juniel - Illa Illa.
I never thought badly of her. I never cursed her and I know she doesn't really specifically hate on a person just cuz. I don't know, I guess I've always been contented that she's just like that and the easiest way is to just get out of her way.
Ika was different though. she said she had some sort of problem with this person last year, and she would never forget it. when I showed her that the person talked about her in her blog she just laughed it off I guess.

I'm talking without point here. I guess what I meant to say is that, I guess there are these type of people who just can't adapt. since I don't really know her situation, I guess I can't say much, I don't know if it's really us the society or her who's maybe emotionally or mentally dented (I'm not trying to be mean but things do happen). but as I know I think if I was to be thrown somewhere by someone I have no power over (for example, my parents) I would just try my best to survive. a school I hate, in the middle of the desert, I wouldn't be an emotional wreck over it if I know it's good for me.
and I know it's good for her - she may not have real friends (I don't know about this but it could be) or maybe she didn't like the teachers or the teaching environment or something, but it was good for her. if she really thinks that highly of herself she can think of it of a way to practice being humble. she was a prefect, always in the top five of the form. things were good for her. but yet, she couldn't adapt.

I feel like it's a pity, to lose such a classmate. it would make me forget that not everyone is the same. she was not the same. she might try to be nice, but that's sincerely out of her heart to not hurt anyone relatively, because being herself would hurt almost everyone. she wasn't a fake. but the real her wasn't very... likable. not that I hate or dislike her because of that. sometimes it's just the way things are, ya know. not everyone's nice.
I guess I've been keeping this to myself a lot so I'll just let it go all in this post. it still itches me that I can't mention her name though.

so moving on. Japanese was actually the best class of the day, although I missed Shahira I still had Aina. it was just better. a whole lot more fun. no one judges anyone. I talked to other people like Eva and Hana and Maryam and Mas and Koshi. without really having a purpose to talk to them. I like that. very different from 4SA.

today I thought I would finally feel better in class because Ika was around. although I did feel a lot better than yesterday I was really tired because I was fasting. I laughed a lot because Ika laughed and although I'm not sure what she was laughing about (she talked about camp a lot, I guess she really enjoyed herself. glad she did without me. didn't want her to turn out like me.) I just laughed along. most of the time at her (laugh) not with her haha. But at least I had a good laugh.

she came over to do NIE after school and that was nice. I was having a headache before she came but it eventually went away as we reached 6pm and was rushing to finish it off lol. I guess it turned out quite good actually :3 and I enjoyed myself what with the rushing and brain damage happening haha.

so yeah. I didn't blog yesterday because dad hid the laptop. glad I still have the same feels tonight.
Out.

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