Friday, June 1, 2012

just rant.


feeling kinda biased and useless so gonna rant here if you don't mind.
it's not like I've been posting a lot recently anyway.


so I feel like crap.
well technically, not really. I just feel like.. I can't do anything right now.
to be honest I'm getting kinda tired with Twitter (somehow I have a feeling that this is gonna last for a short while. watch me tweet like a shotgun tomorrow.) so I felt like writing a bit of fan-fic, but then I lost it when it comes to what I actually wanna write about.

there's always the OTP choice. Baekyeol, Daejong, whichever. or the group choice.
once I've decided on that there's the genre choice. fluff. angst. I hate writing angst though. angst isn't very me, in my opinion. I can't write angst, nor can I read it. can't stand all the negative emotions lol.
then there's smut but I'm not at the point of liking it yet (hopefully never will, trying to avoid it recently) and then crack, maybe romance. also the unreal, slightly.
but this all really depends if you got the story line down.

today I read three fan-fics that really made me feel like I'll never become a successful writer. reason being is because the writers of those fics are probably my age, if not slightly older or younger. and they had successfully wowed me with their stories.

fine the last one was actually a crack that made me laugh so much. B.A.P parody of Snow White, and it was hilarious how the story line was still clear although jokes ran through it just as smoothly. I wouldn't exactly write something like this though, full of crack-y goodness.

but the two other Baekyeol fan-fics were impressive. one was a horror actually. and if they made it into a movie it should actually turn out quite good. plus the fact that Chanyeol can be replaced with a girl, making the ghost a girl which is actually the majority gender for most horror movies haha.
the other Baekyeol was more to the unreal genre. it consisted mostly of human feelings, but also inserted Tao's power of time control. what was amazing was how the writer turned what seemed like a happy ending into a tragic one. sort of like Remember Me, the novel by Nicholas Sparks, I believe, and the movie starred Robert Pattinson. I wouldn't really know how to turn this one into a movie, slightly would confuse the genders a bit since Tao falls slightly for Baekhyun but later Baekhyun's role is switched with Chanyeol's. maybe they can make Tao bisexual or something haha.

so, if these people can write so well, and received so many compliments, where did my fic about B.A.P and EXO go wrong?

I'm scared to write. I'm scared that it'll turn out like the last fan-fic. unread and unnoticed.
but I don't want to write the type of fan-fics that sounds the same like every other fan-fic that caught everyone's attention. I wanna write something different. but it has to be able to steal people's attention.
exactly how B.A.P was different and stole so many people's attention, including mine.
but if it's different but no one likes it, what's the point?

so the next thing is drawing. I saw a few drawings by this artist that drew the Matokis in human form.

SHISHIMATO
TATSMATO

Still awaiting DADAMATO. she is so effing talented that she actually came up with the above (I think she called them gijinkas) from literally naked bunnies that only had masks on. and they look good too! and I saw her DA and now I'm kinda missing my account. I wish I had a tablet than I can actually spam my followers with good drawings.
I mean I know I can do it, it's just that I know I can improve too, and the only way now since I'm so satisfied with my style, is to do it digitally. I can start colouring and shading, and actually working on improving my skills. but I don't have a tablet, and reason being is because when I had the money I stupidly forget about all the important stuff. I should've kept my to-buy list I had on my blog before. then I can keep focus on what I really have to keep my money for. now all's gone and wasted, and I haven't achieved much from it either. if anything, I only ruined my academic life by buying this stupid phone.

aish. I don't know. I know that we shouldn't regret, since we are young and it's common for us to make mistakes. it's just that it seems like my plans for my future is being a bit setback. what's the use of interest if you have no real talent? if my talent is with numbers then I should stick to that. but no. I have to rebel, go against the nature that I got from my parents, and decide to be different from what I was grown up to be like. instead of a diligent student who gets straight A's, I'm turning out a wobbly professor's daughter who's doing this just for the sake of saving my parents' face.

stupid thing is, I know I can do it. I know I can easily score. I know what to do. but I'm not fucking doing it.

truth is, I blame it all on Koreans. but what can I do? on a tough day, they're the only ones that can make me smile. not being cheesy but being truthful. why should I let go of something that brought me to good people who aren't two-faced? who should I let it go when it's the only thing I can look forward to when I get back home?

feeling sleepy at 10.30. had been like this for awhile now. wonder what's wrong with me.
Out.

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