Tuesday, June 26, 2012

we've only got each other.


“Don’t you get bored? There’s nothing here anymore,” Krystal states out, breaking the peace and quiet. Her earrings are dangling in the soft breeze, brushing her shoulders as she looks down at the brittle ground. It felt homier with all five of them there, laughter in the air, the sun burning red and orange in the noon. Krystal didn’t want to come here – she knew she’d cry at one point if she did. But so far she’s been strong.

Thunders roar up ahead. The clouds have been hanging in the sky for days, grey and heavy. They were expecting this, so the two don’t say a word about it.

“There’s their reminiscence though,” Taemin replies, his eyes scanning the clouds for nothing. “I… I miss them.”




[warning : rant]


So I finally posted the fanfic I was so crazy about here and the response.. haha. there was a lot of confusion.
some people said it was well written, but they didn't get it. I admit, when I first wrote it I had a feeling I messed up the timeline myself. which is why I asked for help from Ayuni unnie (I call her ayunnie) for editing. she was kinda late but I loved her comments. she gave me tips on tenses, and she also said that she loved the fact that it's a sad story. it's cliche, but it's sad. she liked my minimalist wordings, but I guess it was too minimal so she told me to widen my vocab. and that was it.

but when people didn't understand... I was just so fucking disappointed.

ayunnie said that "people will be intelligent enough to understand" wtf does that mean when someone doesn't understand the story? that there's a bunch of dumbasses out there? okay maybe there is but none of my friends are dumbasses. Mable said that she had a hard time imagining the story. I don't even get what that means..
I guess it's not my right to judge her for liking this fan-fic about camp with coincidentally Luhan and Gongchan following the tail of the main girl who's supposed to be an average girl who just got 'unlucky'.

ugh why are those type of fics popular anyway. they're like Twilight or something. they're just making it easy for girls to imagine themselves in the story and having the boys chase them everywhere. lol wait I guess that's the reason for fanfic. to get girls wet in their pants.

oh well I guess I should just except my writing isn't really fanfic material. people want smut. yaoi. fluff. I guess even with the angst, it's just not enough. but whatever. I don't even know what I was doing I never liked angst in the first place. but I guess it was a very spur-of-the-moment thing. I heard the song. I tried to deciefere (how do I spell this omg no wonder no one likes my writing) what the lyrics meant. and I created a story out of it.
at that moment, at 2am while ironing my uniform, it seemed like the perfect thing to write. SHINee, f(x) and EXO, an affair, death, guilt trips and crying and a slight perv (I really trusted myself that I could write at least a tinsy bit, for the sake of the fic. but I really can't do yaoi one I just.. can't. not even kissing, I think. just feelings.) I really thought this was what people were searching for. they didn't want action (The Start of a War) or fantasy (The Black Angels). they wanted fucking angst. or smut or fluff either one but I can't.

and yet that wasn't enough.
oh well. the narcissistic way of thinking it is that my way of thinking is beyond fanfics. the emo way of thinking it is that I will never be successful in the writing world so at least I have a heads up if I fail again in the future. yet managed to make that positive sigh.
but still, thank you to those who has read and commented! so touched. no matter good or bad (exception to Mable - I don't understand why she can't imagine it; the only reason you can't imagine something is if you have no imagination. if your imagination is different from mine I'd still be okay with it.) I will accept it with an open heart! *takes in all the bad comments, thinks about what I did wrong all day long* *bricked*

I really wish I could write something like this. sigh.
Out.

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