Thursday, August 30, 2012

why do I like you?

"The reason I like you? Because it’s you. Just you. That’s the reason. I wish I knew. Then I could figure out how to stop liking you. If I can’t avoid it, I only want one thing. To stay as a friend who doesn’t change. For heartache. For love. For you. "

-Joonhee, Reply 1997 Episode 10.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I forgot about Reply 1997!! I don't watch it bcuz of Hoya; I watch it bcuz I saw some posts and it seemed so funny. Plus (ok maybe slightly its bcuz of Hoya) he's acting as a gay person!! So much shipping going on in that drama tbh. Sigh.

I was supposed to say something else but I forgot...

reality check.

maybe I should update with reality once in awhile.

I just finished watching Persona4. oh gosh I miss watching anime. next is BECK, which is an anime Jonghyun read the manga of. I'm too lazy to read it so I just downloaded the whole series. apparently that anime is also where Yonghwa got his design for his guitar for the Intuition era, I think.

so I thought it was cool. I've watched a few episodes of it and it strongly reminds me of Paradise Kiss. a lot of underground stories. the style is sort of similar too. only Paradise Kiss was about fashion and romance but BECK, so far is about the music. so far, that is. I think I'm at episode 5 lol.

so other than anime, I've got one Japanese drama that Jonghyun recommended too on the to-watch list. I haven't even started on that one, but I've downloaded it. and to be honest there's so many movies that I downloaded the torrent of, including Josh Hutcherson movies and three Asian movies I surveyed recently. then there's that Japanese movie Shahira recommended and also Rooftop Prince and Bridal Mask. and Big. I'll push back all the dramas to the bottom of the list, since I can watch those during the holidays. I'll watch BECK now and those movies (Asian ones first, I'll watch the J.Hutch ones when I'm free) in between with my mom. we had an agreement. it all started from AGD, to be honest. she liked it that much haha. which I guess is good. now I have a movie friend :)

actually I'm still not sure about the Korean dramas. they never interest me before, it's just that everyone loves them so much I was curious. now I'm thinking bout Kimi no Todoke. should I watch the anime or just the movie? are they both just as good?

end of that part. recently I've been trying to get tougher. yesterday I found out I gained 2kg and my height was '152' (I still refuse to believe that, since I've checked at the local clinic before and the shortest my dad had ever taken my height as was 153) I really wanted to change a few things in my life.
I gotta admit my parents aren't wrong when they say I'm unhealthy. and I totally agree that I'm short because I don't exercise / play sports. although I like going online and all these things make me happy. I wish I was given the opportunity to do more. I can't play sports at school because they only give more chance to those who are good and well, I'm naturally not good at sports. I can swim, but how often are my parents free to send me to a pool? I swear if I lived in an apartment I'd make an effort to swim everyday. after SPM (since we can't take our driving license) I'd take a bus ride to a swimming pool after my part-time job for a swim. it should help me grow taller. at least 160cm.

so Literature was canceled yesterday. the whole day I was wishing it would happen, making plans to go to the monkey bars to stretch so that I'll grow taller. later I thought I didn't wanna go alone so I asked Eva and Radhii to join me (they're the only ones shorter than me so I wouldn't feel threatened if they do better or anything lol) but Radhii joined her class in dance practice and Eva beat me to it. I failed every. single. time. so sad. later I demonstrated partial of my No Mercy dance practice then Eva showed her RtC dance and I realized I haven't really taken it that seriously.

that night after my parents went to sleep I replayed M!Countdown and danced with B.A.P when they performed. I did it like once then when I went to the original schedule M!Countdown was actually showing in real time so I decided I'd go for another round. this time I realized I haven't learned the part where Daehyun sings and the dance break very well, so I learned and practiced until 2.30am. by the time I hit the sack, I was a very sweaty person. (and the next morning I didn't wash my hair.. until now)

today my muscles around my shoulders, upper arm and abdomen are really sore. but I braved through it. I was trying to be tougher. then we had to arrange the tables in the BKB and a table hit my thigh. when I got home I realized I had a bruise there and I thought "Ouch... I, I mean, cool!!"
I tried the dance again and I'm kinda rough on the edges but I had to do other things (I really can't bare the sore muscles anymore to be honest) so I left it rough. I'm kinda lacking of resources too - the only big mirror I have at home is the one in the living room where there's no space to dance at all, so I can't really tell if I'm doing well.

so I took a shower and had dinner and just realized how dumb I am. the webcam. duhh. heck now I can record it and post it on Hubble's YT and put it on private c: I just wanna show the girls how hard I've worked, since I don't think we'll be having a sleepover anytime soon to show them live.

I need to practice piano too ugh. my teacher told me even if I'm not practicing I should just take the books and read the notes out loud so that I can read notes faster. I feel like a kindergartner but I guess that's how bad I am. it's like in America where there're kids who's in the seventh grade with a second grade reading level. I hope that'll change.
I still haven't done my mod-maths and physics. maybe I'll do either one tonight. Friday is the due date so. I haven't written the fanfic since I tweeted about it during raya LOL. um. and Paradise is slowly progressing. I really have to finish them up by these weekends. I wanna concentrate on my Japanese exam.


Monday, August 27, 2012


submitted at

Thursday, August 23, 2012

just a small (??) rant.

why are all the B.A.P members so adorable?

Bang Yongguk and his Tigger. he's adorable like this.

he's a rapper with a deep voice who fails at aegyo. he started off rapping underground and believe me he's not idol material at all. so outversed in socializing, he even used to smoke and such. but there's this side of him. he still has that Tigger. I remember watching a fancam where he was waving with that plush toy. it's like, no matter how badass he is, he still needs to something to ground him. don't you think it's just so sweet? for a person to have two different sides that make him as a whole an imperfectly perfect person.

(Kim Himchan just talks a lot and has the most idol-value among the members. he MC's and takes a lot selcas (as an ulzzang he has to?) and looks good 90% of the time. ...okay maybe 50%, the other 40% is him being all derpy.

yes he's an ulzzang. anyways. so he's all this very idol-itic person but i don't think anyone's noticed this yet, i mean someone should've noticed it by now, but I think Himchan's quite sweet and flirty.

fanacc : a pretty fan came to their fansign. when she reached Himchan he asked her "how old are you?" she answered 19, which is like the 'legal' age, so Himchan asked if she wants to marry him.

i also noticed during some interviews, especially if the host is a woman, the host would giggle at least ONCE during the interview of which when Himchan says something. idk since i find everything they do attractive, but to normal people with daily jobs, it must take some type of charm from Himchan to make them giggle? i think he's just secretly a guy who gets attracted easily/has a lot of emotion. he's also very sweet towards Yongguk, I think.
I ship them both. they both love each other a lot, it's proven and came from their own mouth that they like each other very much. praises came from Yongguk's mouth bout Himchan like a fountain okay. they might be fucking, they might not but there's some type of chemistry going on there.

*no feels for Jung Daehyun* haha MIAN. all i can say is he barely made it here, didn't he? six months of training.. that's amazing. he's really a package. i really really admire him. although i guess he never planned to be 'successful', he just likes performing a lot and therefore~~~RECRUITED! debuted, and now one of the best vocalists in the K-industry.

Yoo Youngjae on the other hand, too many feels.

first of, i LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that he's a gamer. Jongup's a gamer too but he's like #2 in B.A.P. he's really fighting his way to the top of my bias list, but I'm staying loyal. secondly, I love how insecure he is. okay maybe not love, but it really does remind us that idols are humans too, and they have feelings and they're very much aware of how they look in the public's eye. i think i've said this before but from a fanacc, Daehyun would only respond to fans, while Youngjae would actually try to make conversation. i think he's a very nice guy who's insecure among the members. he used to be last on my bias list tbh. i didn't find him in any way attractive at all, especially since i saw this :

it was my first impression really. i immediately thought "this guy can't be my bias."
but recently i'm finding him more and more attractive.

1. Jawline. 2. Neck. 3. Collarbone. 4. Lips.

very, very much attractive. plus he's a gamer. and he's very self-conscious.
HOW MUCH MORE ADORABLE CAN HE GET REALLY. I even have to start with Moon Jongup.

He's retarded and I'm in love with him. 'nuff said.


Choi Junhong. boy, Junhongie. Zelo Baby. Jerro. Jell-o. this boy.
a) He's a 96-liner.
b) he raps super duper awesomely.
c) he's realleyh tall
d) he sacrificed a lot to be where he is now.
e) his hair.

sincerely i don't find him cute at all. nope, not even from the beginning. heck i thought he was so white his curly blond hair made him even more unattractive and i didn't really like his aegyos and don't get the people who did.
I find him adorable when he speaks softly. when he's being polite towards his hyungs. when he's trying to say something/put something out there but everyone thinks he's so young, he doesn't know much when he really does, in someways understand.
i feel him. when you're 16, you start feeling more mature and start understanding but people around still look at you as a kid (and he's even the maknae so everyone looks down on him even more) when he's capable of so much. and he gets it. but he can't say anything about it.
and that's what i find adorable about Junhongie.

i guess i can say i can relate to Zelo because everyone I live with is either 20 years old and older or babies. there's no one to talk to really. you just keep stuff to yourself a lot. except I think Zelo shares with Jongup. they seem really close and when everyone was talking about how Zelo's not funny Jongup backed him up saying he's still cute when he tries. #JongLo #bromance
ugh all the feels

yup that's it another kpop rant from Elyna. as usual. i sincerely don't have a life anymore to be honest. i'm losing myself to this and I'm not doing much about it. because I go to a girls school, I have no one to talk to and I'm a very boring person in general so. another life wasted, I guess. unless I get a scholarship to study overseas. itu pun tak gerenti ada kerja. i'll just die without achieving much. it'll be okay. i'm not really into achieving anyway.
P.S, it looks like I don't have any real feels for Jongup but actually it's because I have too much that I decided I shouldn't write anything. plus you guys might fall for him. (whoever it is that actually read all this lol)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

zelo will make ya.

...I started editing again.
I guess this isn't the best time to tell how the process went (it's currently 2.31am and the last day of school before Raya break is tomorrow) so I'll just drop off this video here for your entertainment. Feedback is much appreciated.


Monday, August 13, 2012


Arbitrage. KaiSoo (EXO). At part 2/3. Quite good so far.

Epidemic Heartbreak. DaeJong (B.A.P). Haven't started reading, but the foreword was good. Anticipating.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

all over again.

Shit man.
Recently things between Hubble's been going kinda tipsy. I think everyone knows it but they're not taking it too hard. Or maybe they're not acknowledging it I'm not sure. I watched a video edit of Gikwang just now and got all emotional cuz damn, I miss BEAST. And not only BEAST, but the love they brought among most of the members of Hubble.. Not saying that they're the reason that we are, just one of the factors we stuck together.

The "bye-yeom" really threw me off the edge. Last year, no matter how much I complained the year before was better, was definitely so much more filled with memories. And this year is just an emotional train wreck to be honest.
Everyone's going their own way.. With their own friends and own interests..

Just in time, Dear Friend from SUFBB OST played and I thought.. Shit man. Things between us is just like in the drama.. And in the end everyone went their own ways.

I knew this was coming, remember? I've always thought if things didn't go well, i would be ready and prepared for the fact that we're not together anymore. Bullshit. I'm probably taking this the hardest. Second should be Ain. She just told me just now how much she misses us. And I thought she was starting to get sick of the two of us getting all attached. Thing is, if we're not attached, whats gonna be left of Hubble?

I guess I can say now that Ika is either heartless or too conceited in her own life to think of the rest of us. She doesnt seem at all bothered about Hubble.. Or she's really good at hiding it I'm not sure.

Another thing is that, 'i've been feeling lonely, missing them, wanting someone i can talk about everything to' and everything else Ain is feeling now, i've felt it a very long time ago. But i didnt want to think about it, or share about it or even respond to it. I knew that Hubble didnt mean as much as it does to me to the other members. They all have their own lives...
It's just that.. We were friends, really close friends. Don't any of you remember that?

Oh God I'm tearing up.

I posted a tweet to Sya about how much I miss her and Khairun asked how things are going and when I mentioned how you guys probably have a life other than Hubble, unlike me, she said 'yea well, you have Jongup? :D'

Jongup. Seriously.

Am I really that lonely that all i can depend on is a boy who doesnt know my existence?! Literally? I know she was trying to make a joke out of it but I guess she really doesnt know how lonely it feels. I mean -- ugh i probably should stop now before i start dissing the friends i so-called miss.

Bottom line. I really wish i can feel that 'fun' Lea was talking about again soon. Having a good laugh. Making jokes and statements and agree and laugh to it. And just talk. I miss how all that felt like. Recently i can't even feel all that at home due to all the strains going on hm.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

just feel a rant coming.

You know, there's this sad thing about being a fangirl. Or maybe just kpop fangirl in general. Other than it being super distracting, you start realizing why and how and when you love oppa.

And it's even sadder when you realize, oppa loves you in conditions.

See this is where i start thinking back about being a BABY. I'm a Boice for their music - their looks are a plus, when i can fangirl 'omo, oppa is so handsome~' and all that. I support CNBLUE - i like watching their concerts and getting thrills. I follow their activities from new singles to magazine photoshoots to their dramas. I love Jonghyun's music. I love his skills and passion. I wanna meet him one day. As an idol.

But B.A.P is all for the fun. Their music is the plus. I love their talent and passion too, but lets admit it. What would my love be for Jongup if he wasnt such an adorable puppy. A lot like Donghae probably - the handsome main dancer bias. I've got nothing much on him other than he's really good looking. But thing is, i do have things on Jongup.

I've never really liked dancers. Donghae and Jongup are rare exceptions. I like the talented ones - ones that i can sing along with and use their voices as my alarm (ie Jonghyun, Sandeul, Baekhyun, Hyunseung, KimJonghyun). I'm going so off topic.

So i love Jongup. Like a lot. He makes me laugh and he works well with the other members who gives him even more love. He's funny when unexpected, and his actions are more cute and humourous than his speech, but then he's not given a lot of opportunity to speak, and sonetimes when he does he lags a bit, especially when he's forced to (ie dance tutorials. Zelo speaks a lot more than he does). He also has a sense of shyness and awkwardness that makes him look a bit stiff but then he smiles and the world is bright again. He has a passion for dancing but he's quite humble, i think. He was signed under TS even before Himchan but we never see predebut pics of him with the rest together. Even Youngjae had selcas with them. I think its because due to age Jongup tends to shy away, although by then he was already an awesome b-boy. Then Zelo, a dongsaeng but incredibly talented boy appeared,  and he sensed a bit of competition and jealousy, but i bet being the good natured him he just pushed it to the side. He also never worked out for his great body - he only danced. He's also probably a Christian, seeing the YMCA outfit from kindergarten, the shirt that had a cross on it. This is probably nothing much or maybe a gesture because he was afraid of shock, but on the lie detector he was somewhat holding his heart too so. Just a prediction from observation.

I love him for all these qualities, (the last one generally saying his faith is strong for a non-Christian fan to notice) and basically none of them screams idol material? Ever since debut i called him the boy next door because if he wasnt an idol, he probably would be, just a boy next door.
Then why do i idolize him so much?
That's the thing. I dont. I think of him as a crush.

While Jonghyun i can share my love for him with other people, i would only get jealous when someone else claims she really likes Jongup. Thats why i had this policy of not following Jongup stans but in the end i do follow them and in the end i still get hurt, seeing the amount of Jongup's name on my timeline increasing. I use to folliw a bunch of Zelo stans but nowadays a lot of them are just mixed up and when i see someone tweet about Jongup beibg adorable or cute i'm like 'you're kidding me. I noticed that a long time ago.' but i dont think time is really a matter anymore. If you dont state that you know something, you probably dont know. Which is sad. Bcuz i dont tell cuz i dont want other people to know (selfish i know) but they end up knowing anyway :c

To all the delusional kpop stans out there - Oppa loves you back with conditions.

#1 Its the type of love any artist would give their fans who scream their names and cry with them and hold up flags and signs and towels and fans with their faces printed on it.

#2 They won't love you more because he's your bias.

#3 They'd probably love you more if you bought the most expensive ticket to every concert/showcase/fanmeet so that you can see them more often (which, for us international fans, is almost impossible).

#4 Sorry, but oppa wont love you more if you bought a lot of merchandise because a lot of people buy merchandise and albums - even non-fandoms.

#5 Oppa would probably get scared/annoyed rather than love you if you follow them around everywhere with cameras. Gifts are probably a friendlier choice.

#6 You won't feel the love because a) you live overseas and barely see them and b) you would only 'feel loved' when they say they love their fandom on screen. Through a tv.

#7 Oppa loves you but doesnt even know your existence.

#8 Oppa loves you but would rather marry one of the pretty girl group members. Or in my case, i think Jongup would really rather much marry Chris Brown. #insidejoke

#9 No oppa won't marry you even if he's the one who proposed.

#10 Even if he did love you so much more than any other fan in the world, he's an idol. Face it. He wouldnt let go of his image like that.

Sorry ugh what am i even doing here.

Friday, August 3, 2012

silly boy.

warning : some GIFs may not work due to too many GIFs on one page. lol idk hopefully it'll work.

there's really too many..
so I'll just end it here..

lol just kidding

a little tribute for this adorable boy. I think I love him too much. please love him and support B.A.P too <3 p="p">Out.

p.s, Busker Busker because recently in Simsimtapa Jongup said a rookie group that has caught his interest recently is Busker Busker so. *^^*
p.p.s, I wanted to post some abs and dancing here too but then it's a 'silly boy' post so I'm putting up all the cute & hilarious GIFs >< srsly I have too many. choosing between them was too hard so I ended up picking almost all of them.