Recently things between Hubble's been going kinda tipsy. I think everyone knows it but they're not taking it too hard. Or maybe they're not acknowledging it I'm not sure. I watched a video edit of Gikwang just now and got all emotional cuz damn, I miss BEAST. And not only BEAST, but the love they brought among most of the members of Hubble.. Not saying that they're the reason that we are, just one of the factors we stuck together.
The "bye-yeom" really threw me off the edge. Last year, no matter how much I complained the year before was better, was definitely so much more filled with memories. And this year is just an emotional train wreck to be honest.
Everyone's going their own way.. With their own friends and own interests..
Just in time, Dear Friend from SUFBB OST played and I thought.. Shit man. Things between us is just like in the drama.. And in the end everyone went their own ways.
I knew this was coming, remember? I've always thought if things didn't go well, i would be ready and prepared for the fact that we're not together anymore. Bullshit. I'm probably taking this the hardest. Second should be Ain. She just told me just now how much she misses us. And I thought she was starting to get sick of the two of us getting all attached. Thing is, if we're not attached, whats gonna be left of Hubble?
I guess I can say now that Ika is either heartless or too conceited in her own life to think of the rest of us. She doesnt seem at all bothered about Hubble.. Or she's really good at hiding it I'm not sure.
Another thing is that, 'i've been feeling lonely, missing them, wanting someone i can talk about everything to' and everything else Ain is feeling now, i've felt it a very long time ago. But i didnt want to think about it, or share about it or even respond to it. I knew that Hubble didnt mean as much as it does to me to the other members. They all have their own lives...
It's just that.. We were friends, really close friends. Don't any of you remember that?
Oh God I'm tearing up.
I posted a tweet to Sya about how much I miss her and Khairun asked how things are going and when I mentioned how you guys probably have a life other than Hubble, unlike me, she said 'yea well, you have Jongup? :D'
Am I really that lonely that all i can depend on is a boy who doesnt know my existence?! Literally? I know she was trying to make a joke out of it but I guess she really doesnt know how lonely it feels. I mean -- ugh i probably should stop now before i start dissing the friends i so-called miss.
Bottom line. I really wish i can feel that 'fun' Lea was talking about again soon. Having a good laugh. Making jokes and statements and agree and laugh to it. And just talk. I miss how all that felt like. Recently i can't even feel all that at home due to all the strains going on hm.