You know, there's this sad thing about being a fangirl. Or maybe just kpop fangirl in general. Other than it being super distracting, you start realizing why and how and when you love oppa.
And it's even sadder when you realize, oppa loves you in conditions.
See this is where i start thinking back about being a BABY. I'm a Boice for their music - their looks are a plus, when i can fangirl 'omo, oppa is so handsome~' and all that. I support CNBLUE - i like watching their concerts and getting thrills. I follow their activities from new singles to magazine photoshoots to their dramas. I love Jonghyun's music. I love his skills and passion. I wanna meet him one day. As an idol.
But B.A.P is all for the fun. Their music is the plus. I love their talent and passion too, but lets admit it. What would my love be for Jongup if he wasnt such an adorable puppy. A lot like Donghae probably - the handsome main dancer bias. I've got nothing much on him other than he's really good looking. But thing is, i do have things on Jongup.
I've never really liked dancers. Donghae and Jongup are rare exceptions. I like the talented ones - ones that i can sing along with and use their voices as my alarm (ie Jonghyun, Sandeul, Baekhyun, Hyunseung, KimJonghyun). I'm going so off topic.
So i love Jongup. Like a lot. He makes me laugh and he works well with the other members who gives him even more love. He's funny when unexpected, and his actions are more cute and humourous than his speech, but then he's not given a lot of opportunity to speak, and sonetimes when he does he lags a bit, especially when he's forced to (ie dance tutorials. Zelo speaks a lot more than he does). He also has a sense of shyness and awkwardness that makes him look a bit stiff but then he smiles and the world is bright again. He has a passion for dancing but he's quite humble, i think. He was signed under TS even before Himchan but we never see predebut pics of him with the rest together. Even Youngjae had selcas with them. I think its because due to age Jongup tends to shy away, although by then he was already an awesome b-boy. Then Zelo, a dongsaeng but incredibly talented boy appeared, and he sensed a bit of competition and jealousy, but i bet being the good natured him he just pushed it to the side. He also never worked out for his great body - he only danced. He's also probably a Christian, seeing the YMCA outfit from kindergarten, the shirt that had a cross on it. This is probably nothing much or maybe a gesture because he was afraid of shock, but on the lie detector he was somewhat holding his heart too so. Just a prediction from observation.
I love him for all these qualities, (the last one generally saying his faith is strong for a non-Christian fan to notice) and basically none of them screams idol material? Ever since debut i called him the boy next door because if he wasnt an idol, he probably would be, just a boy next door.
Then why do i idolize him so much?
That's the thing. I dont. I think of him as a crush.
While Jonghyun i can share my love for him with other people, i would only get jealous when someone else claims she really likes Jongup. Thats why i had this policy of not following Jongup stans but in the end i do follow them and in the end i still get hurt, seeing the amount of Jongup's name on my timeline increasing. I use to folliw a bunch of Zelo stans but nowadays a lot of them are just mixed up and when i see someone tweet about Jongup beibg adorable or cute i'm like 'you're kidding me. I noticed that a long time ago.' but i dont think time is really a matter anymore. If you dont state that you know something, you probably dont know. Which is sad. Bcuz i dont tell cuz i dont want other people to know (selfish i know) but they end up knowing anyway :c
To all the delusional kpop stans out there - Oppa loves you back with conditions.
#1 Its the type of love any artist would give their fans who scream their names and cry with them and hold up flags and signs and towels and fans with their faces printed on it.
#2 They won't love you more because he's your bias.
#3 They'd probably love you more if you bought the most expensive ticket to every concert/showcase/fanmeet so that you can see them more often (which, for us international fans, is almost impossible).
#4 Sorry, but oppa wont love you more if you bought a lot of merchandise because a lot of people buy merchandise and albums - even non-fandoms.
#5 Oppa would probably get scared/annoyed rather than love you if you follow them around everywhere with cameras. Gifts are probably a friendlier choice.
#6 You won't feel the love because a) you live overseas and barely see them and b) you would only 'feel loved' when they say they love their fandom on screen. Through a tv.
#7 Oppa loves you but doesnt even know your existence.
#8 Oppa loves you but would rather marry one of the pretty girl group members. Or in my case, i think Jongup would really rather much marry Chris Brown. #insidejoke
#9 No oppa won't marry you even if he's the one who proposed.
#10 Even if he did love you so much more than any other fan in the world, he's an idol. Face it. He wouldnt let go of his image like that.
Sorry ugh what am i even doing here.