Sunday, November 18, 2012

decision.

"We can always make a comeback after your exams, Jongup. It's just that if we start promoting now, there's more marketing strategies that we can go through."

Jongup had his eyes on the coffee table in front of him the whole time Manager Kang was talking to him. The other members were by his side, making a circle. They didn't say anything, listening just as intently as Jongup was, although it wasn't their decision to make. It was Jongup's.

"People knowing you're taking an exam, they would be interested in knowing how well you'll perform after studying so much." The plump manager went on on how starting promotions earlier would rise up sales. "Then we can wrap up the year earlier, and you guys can celebrate the holidays with your families. I know you miss them, so we decided we'd let you all finish up promotions quicker this time. You've done a great job throughout the year. This is gonna be the last of 2012, I promise."

Jongup played with his fingers. He knew. Manager Kang had repeated those lines in different arrangements various times while recording the single. He just didn't think it would be so soon. He had a feeling Healing Camp was just a hoax. Fine, it was fun, but now he's just as tired as ever. And the moment he thought he could open his books just to manage a pass for the upcoming exam, they decided it would be best to release the single right before the big day. Well, roughly.

"But it's really up to you, Jongup. If you want to concentrate on your studies, I won't stop you," the manager reassured. Of course he'd say that, Jongup thought. We all know the answer that he actually wants.

Jongup looked at his team members. They looked at him, waiting for an answer. They weren't pressuring him though; heck Himchan looked at him with a hint of pettiness. Why are they asking a boy to make such a decision, he thought. When he was Jongup's age, the hardest decision he had to make was which sneakers he would wear that particular day.

"What do you guys think?" Jongup finally voiced, looking at Zelo, not having the guts to look at his hyungs while asking this question. Zelo avoided his gaze. He wasn't sure himself, and he wouldn't know what to do if he was in Jongup's position neither. He actually felt slightly relieved it wasn't him who was to make such a decision.

Youngjae was the first to give his opinion. "I think it's better if we just start promotions. So many things are happening, even the slightest distraction would make us slip off people's minds. People are still debuting, you know."

"But out BABYs aren't like that," Daehyun said. "They'd never forget us. Plus we still have BABYs Day."

"We can improve sales if we promoted Hajima during BABYs Day too," Manager Kang couldn't help slip in. The boys felt a slight annoyance - why does sales have to matter so much? - but they didn't say anything to it.

"We're not forcing you, Jongup. It's really your choice," Yongguk told. "But I'll let you know that hyungs are here to help you if you need help with your studies."

"And me!" Zelo pipped in, giving a warm smile to Jongup. The least he could do was give a little support.

Jongup smiled gratefully. He then looked at Manager Kang, slightly hesitant, but he knew what was the right thing to do.

"Let's do Hajima first, then."

Manager Kang smiled joyfully, patting Jongup's shoulders. They started walking back to their dorm as Yongguk discussed promotion strategies with Manager Kang, Daehyun and Youngjae trying to give ideas that would be shot down. Jongup trailed behind, and Himchan went to sling his arms around the younger's broad shoulders.

"Do you think I made the right decision, hyung?" Jongup asked.

Himchan shook his shoulders assuringly. "Whatever makes you happy, Jongup-ah. If you're happy, then it'll always be the right decision."


---


If this really happened, I wonder if Jongup regretted it. I wonder if the huge smile plastered across his face when he performed on M!Countdown was of relief he did the exam well or because he knew people won't judge him if he didn't. Or at least, not his members. Not the company. Not BABYs. I won't. But I will be sad.

I made the decision of not making the finals a serious matter. I took it lightly and now, I didnt get a single A+ and positioned in C/D standards. I didn't tell my mom. She trusts that I kept to my standards. I just don't want to disappoint her.

In an interview, Jongup said BABYs are like B.A.P's second omma. We'll still support them no matter what they do.
But like my mom with my results, I'll also be sad if Jongup didn't get good results. Like Jongup's results, no matter good or bad, it'll be revealed sooner or later. And we both had made a decision that brought us to this point.

After this, I hope the decisions I make for myself would be for the best of mt future. Jongup would be successful with or without a degree. He already has a career. Which is why the decision he makes wont affect him too badly. Or maybe he will have to make bigger decisions later on in life.
But for me, my future is still unclear. To make a decision too bluntly will affect me severely. I have to be more thoughtful. And decisions I make... have to be for the best for all, and not only myself. That's what's most important.
I think.

Out.

P.S, I made it seem like I was comparing it to my life but I actually thought about Jongup a lot more. Blood B types aren't ones to do this but... I wonder if he did as badly to the point that he cried. It is his SATs. It's like SPM. If I didn't do well for SPM I might break down. Might. I wonder how much time he was given to suck it up before he went onstage. While he did his make-up? What if he did his make-up on the way there? That ride from the examination hall to the M!Countdown hall was probably the length of time he was given to change whatever negative thoughts he had into positive ones. That time was given for him to force out a smile.
I hope it was easier with BABYs cheering on for him. I hope we made him feel slightly better. I hope he knows that we all got his back, no matter what happens.

See this is why I shouldn't be blogging ok

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