Thursday, November 8, 2012


not mine.

so. I asked my brother to read Mask. he commented "interesting story, believable and a taste of slight heart warmth in it. good job". I asked him just now if that was it and he said "Sorry." He doesn't even realize how much he played a part in writing that...

in other stories, I finally signed up for my first ever collab for kpop editing. I'm gonna do Daehyun for part 4 of this. I wanted to talk about school too but it's slightly too late now and I wanna get started on The Phantom Tollbooth. basically, I've gotten worse from before, but I'm still 61 in the whole form. I'm just hoping my A in English would bring it up a bit. and hopefully Sejarah isn't too bad (hopefully). I'm just praying hard right now.

talking bout praying, Moon Jongup finally finished his SATs. He managed to come in time to perform on M!CountDown, and this motherfucker brought his backpack along on stage and started showing off his fucking exam slip and making me laugh like crazy. I really don't understand how anyone can be this adorable really I can't.

I hate his face.
And I would like to mention (since I already mentioned this on Twitter but no one noticed) that Guppie has a teddy bear chain on his bag.
Exhibit A.

This is my bag. Most of you are probably familiar with it. Recently, the teddy had lost his red glasses (ok that's a lie it came off and now I'm keeping it in my pencil box until I find some UHU glue). But whatever. The two of us have a teddy bear chain on our backpack.

Does anyone else thinks this screams "fate"?

I don't wanna be too delusional I mean I bet there's like a bunch of other Cheetos' who has teddies on their bags too and like that one was probably given by a fan and imagine what that fan is thinking right now like he brings that bag to school every day.
I can only conclude that if we were ever to meet in real life and come acquainted, me and Moon Jongup would probably be good friends.

Too bad that'll never happen.

So my class is gonna have a class party at Tropicana Golf Club on the 22nd. Apparently Nadiah has membership there so we can use the bowling alley and have lunch there too ^^ just some bonding time. Ika wanted to go swimming too, and at first I wanted to follow her, but now that I think about it I might be too tired and would rather much just go home after that lol. but still. a swim sounds refreshing. hmm now I'm reconsidering lol plus at least I get to go back home with Ika.. maybe I'd stay around, but if I swim or not depends on the people around lol.
23rd is the concert after the orchestra's music camp. I still haven't asked mom if I can go. 
24th and 25th, I'm planning to have a sleepover with Hubble. We're planning to go have lunch at Paradigm's Seoul Garden then come back at my place, sleepover then they can go back home the next day. Ain needs to get back early anyway, and we don't wanna lock Aina up for too long neither so. 
I miss Sya. haven't heard from her for awhile. the boarding school probably haven't started their holidays neither. can't wait to see her on 17th ^^ she tweeted us that she wants to hang out on that day, but some people can't come so we decided we wouldn't be doing much on that day.

#np I'm in Love - Ra.D (Piano remix)

I want to write more these holidays. more fanfics that are inspired by music. I wanna write something that'll touch people. but there's so many plans this holidays. my mom told me she'll give me allowance just for practicing my piano. she said that she wants me to teach piano as a part time job after SPM, but she knows I'm not that good neither so she wants me to go back to basics so that I can teach 7,8 year olds. I don't know what my opinion is about this.
I'm also planning to go for tuition. then there's a bunch of books I bought from Scholastic, thinking I would spend my days at home, doing nothing. then I lined up a bunch of dramas and animes to watch too. I just realized I packed myself with stuff I probably won't have time to finish during the holidays.
Ika keeps mentioning how she has to start studying for form 5 already, and her tuition already started on form 5 subjects. it makes me feel a bit left back. like, can't we just have a little bit more of the form 4 essence? I feel like everything went so fast, and all I felt this year was between giving up on being educated and stressing to keep up with my classmates. all that was mixed up with prioritizing B.A.P too. it's dangerous, but if I can control myself with this, then I can control myself in anything. so I will go through it. I'll never give up on B.A.P. I know I can balance both. I'm a smart girl. I can do it.

I realized I used the word "essence". I used it in the DaeJae too. "Essence of Youth". I don't even know what youth is anymore. suddenly, I feel so small among my teachers and my parents and my brothers. compared to them, I haven't been through much. who am I to decide what I should do with my life? I should probably go with the flow. but dreaming... there's nothing wrong with that, right? that's the reason fictional writing exists - people wish things could happen, that things would happen, but in reality they know it'll never happen, so they share their dream with others through fictional writing. or creative writing. either one, it's the same right?
I wish I had a beautiful enough dream to share with people, so that they'd understand what I feel. I think I've found my guilty pleasure though. I find pleasure in knowing that people don't understand. it means I'm different in some sort of ways. I'm not like everybody else. I hope. 


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