Monday, December 31, 2012


I'm currently on my dad's massage chair, enjoying the air conditioning, kinda sleepy. I just went through my playlist and deleted some songs. I don't think it's a lot but I'd like to recreate it so I'll delete more eventually as my taste in music widens to even more genres. The truth is, it's hard to delete their songs when you remember back that time they made you laugh in that variety show. That's what Korean idols do, really. They eat your heart up and somehow, they're all you ever think about. I don't want that anymore. Not now that I have to face the real world in less than 365 days.

I tried deleting the apps on my phone too but I can't seem to imagine what it'd be like to not have any entertainment at all. So I kept them. The laptop is now kept in it's bag and I placed it against my dad's table. Tomorrow he'll look for a safe place to hide it. Not that I'll be trying to look for it. I gave it up. What's there to it?

This time in 2009 I made new year's resolutions. One of it was to make a good impression to my new classmates. Although I tried, they didn't leave a good impression on me so I stopped trying and just became myself and that turned out okay. This year, 2013, the only clear resolution is to do well for SPM. There's the basics like exercise more and eat less snacks and try to be a better person. Everyone wants to do those so technically it doesn't count so I will cut you if those include in your new year's resolution, seriously.

One thing I know I'll be thinking bout in 2013 other than studies is Girl Guides. I wanna leave a mark at school, therefore I'm trying to figure out things to do with the guides this year. Also I have a feeling I'll be part of the deco commitee in Sapphire Blue. That'll be fun. Just don't make me head. Also, the Lit play will be a big thing.
And this one is only if I get through - Starstruck. Thing about this is that this could be the starting point of my career. If I really do get an internship, I'll buy Xueh Wei's dinner for a whole month, honest. But that's too far off into the future. For now, I just wanna get pass Stage 2.

Now the highlights of 2012. One big moment was definitely going to rice idiots' showcase. School wise, there's the fact that I drew out the base of Blue's banner. The castle banner they used to the kawad. That felt awesome, although it feels like a small secret; an achievement little know of, a little sprite who doesn't ask for recognition. I actually missed out a lot this year, like the guide's gathering. I tried to help on the little things, but you gotta admit if you weren't there you're not counted in.
Friendship wise, it includes a lot of Shahira. There's that moment she got into Hubble, when we said goodbye to Sya. I think that was a movie moment. Then there was that staring thing during PMD. Then there was that drama I had with her about her problem. I cried everyday for a whole week, I think. I got over Pumpkin. My friendship with Ika got into more depth too; we used to be able to relate a lot, but now we know what we can and can't relate to and have learned to respect it. What else? Loses are normal. I can't even remember the friendships I've lost. Mostly because even if we were never close or we were tight but grew apart, you all mean so much to me and I appreciate each and every smile or wave or hello you gave me that uncounted day. It has all made me the person that I am now. So thank you.

Happy new year everyone. Till 2014.

P.S, my parcel has arrived in Seoul, but I'm not sure if it's with Jongup yet. TS, probably but I have no idea when Jongup would be getting it /cries it's sooner than I expected and now I really can't wait for the day B.A.P comes to Malaysia for GDA and see if Guppie wore it; the cap I bought especially in thought of him...

MBC Gayo Daejejeon 2012.

Happy new year.

So since I'm feeling lazy tonight I'll be linking the performances. I didn't stream most of it, and when I did, it B.A.P and it lagged like hell so I quit. There was a channel that was uploading HD performances really quickly so I depended on that. Also this time I only watched performances of those I'm biased towards lol sorry. And I'll try to limit the amount of 'best performances' to less than 10 since I need some time to summarize 2012 later lol.

I came to the stream slightly late but I managed to catch SHINee and f(x)'s collab performance, which was really cute btw. The stream lagged a bit but I heard something of Taemin and Krystal nearly kissing or something idk you're gonna have to watch it yourself. If it's true, damn my fanfic predictions are quite accurate. But seriously though, I shipped these two ever since I knew the existence of f(x) okay. The pairings were quite accurate, except I think Key and Minho should switch because a) Minho and Sulli are technically okay together due to the drama b) it'll be a nice mix, a tomboy and a diva :3 Anyways, as expected, they performed well :D

Next was rice idiots and 3/4 sunbae-nims' performance. This was pre-recorded btw, and all the KBABYs were leaking out info last night lol. Everyone was dying on my timeline on Twitter while I just sat there, not really thinking anything except that Himchan and Yongguk should switch. I mean, I didn't find anything sexy about that other than Sunhwa grinding Daehyun like hell. He was so good looking though, and if he did get a boner like tlist claims, he controlled his face well enough because dammit why is he so good looking. The starting was really cute too, and I loved it because that's B.A.P style right there. Free and easy, joking around, no real complicated dance steps, the solos were free styled, and the group dance was coordinated. Totally loved it. I can't say much bout Secret's dance because I was staring at Hyosung's flat stomach. Lastly, yes Junhong touched Hyosung's thigh but there's already been a raging amount of Secret noonas X B.A.P maknae line fanfics out there, so what's the harm?

Next I wanna mention these incredible humans who stuck through the cold winter night to perform for us; EXO-K, BtoB and Secret. Well technically Secret I can't see it much but it was the same stage as the other two and they were wearing even less so I'm guessing they were freezing too. They did well, and you can see their beat red faces and chilled breathes. EXO did the unreleased version of MAMA (notice Baekhyun's adlib. That's the original version of the dance too). BtoB had a remix and gurl dancers lool. Secret did some solo dancing because Zinger wasn't around and I think that was a pity. But still, they did awesome and I applaud their sexiness bahah. I'm not a fan of sexy but well rice idiot sunbae's gotta do what they do best. 
(also did you watch the latest WGM episode? in all honestly I think Sunhwa was a bit inappropriate wearing that Santa girl dress in public. Mostly because I am so sure most Americans would be reminded of strippers if they saw someone wore that. I also think I watched too much movies. I also think Julien might've thought the same thing as I did.)

B1A4 and Infinite did awesomely too. B1A4 performed an acoustic version of Baby Goodnight and we all know how much I love acoustics and dammit Jinyoung why'd you have to be so perfect? First the keyboard, then the bass and now the guitar? Fuck it. Then they continued with Tried to Walk. I gotta admit, B1A4's choreography is getting better and better. They're one of those perfect groups, you know? Good rapping, great vocals, and now their dancing is awesome too. SHINee could've been a perfect group too, if only their 'rapper' wasn't technically just a face. But he does try, and he did improve, but original intentions do matter. 
Another perfect group is Infinite. Damn. I'll be stanning Infinite-H so hard. Both their rapping and singing are good. Then the rest of the members came out and L got like glitter in his hair sobs it's like, so angelic. They portrayed their vocal abilities and I'm not sure if Sungyeol really improved so much or her just practiced really hard for that one line in 60 Seconds. ANDD another remix of The Chaser. They're so good, seriously. /salute

YG did well too, but we all know they've all got talent. This is just them being awesome, as usual. I preferred 2NE1's collab with Lee Hi more than Big Bang's performance, mostly because they put girl power together and wow was it awesome. CL also rocked out during Big Bang's performance, and I think they showed YG family spirit in an easy less-than-ten-minute-performance unlike SM who had to show it by performing over and over again everywhere around the world except Malaysia. Okay biasedness coming out I shall shut it now.

Mini shout out to f(x) who had awesome fanboys screaming over them. Also DBSK because Fern probably misses them but idk you probably prefer DB5K. Still. They're still DongBangShinKi.
Btw while they were counting down for new year I saw some DBSK and EXO interaction lol Changmin said something and Chanyeol and Suho laughed. so cute.

Another group that I think did well, and also maybe I'm biased towards this genre, was rocker girls Sistar. Alone was supposed to be elegantly sexy, but they did it up and rocked it out and wow, they did it well. Soyou has an incredible rocker voice. And their vocals in a whole didn't lack at all. They were still sexy, and powerful as ever. Totally admire them. 

I left my favourite two groups for last. CNBLUE & B.A.P

CNBLUE, as usual, did another collab with FT Island. Brothers stay brothers forever. I'm not sure if the music was live, probably not, but it was still awesome and Jonghyun enjoyed the silent playing bahah. Their voices were beautiful. Also, congrats to Jonghyun bb for winning the award of Best New Star at the SBS Drama Awards. So proud of him :'3 Can't believe I was there when he first admitted he thought someone should concentrate on doing one thing well, but now he thinks people can be diverse and he wanted to try acting too, like Yonghwa. And now he did, and he got the same award Yonghwa did, I think back in 2010. So proud.
Anyway, I'll expect a three-band-some next year with AOA hoho. or maybe a Girl VS Boy thing. 

I'm always expectant from my rice idiots although I think I should really stop that because I'm getting disappointed every time. No, they didn't do bad. It's just that I wished they did more. Stay on that stage just another minute longer, do a bit more with those drums, let Daehyun break out into another screamo, whatever. They can rock that stage, but they never the time to do it enough.
Moving on the positive things, love the remix and dance in the end like sobs okay they are so good. Jongup's solo could've been slightly better, and honestly I kinda wish I saw something new from him. bb, I'm only saying this for your own good. They also put some good news to learning how to drum from Himchan! Good job. I'll be expecting more (didn't I just say I wouldn't).

And that ends my kpop talk of 2012. I expect I'll lose interest in 2013, but not completely. There probably won't be anymore of these on my blog though. What I can say is that, there will be a time when I'll lose interest in these Korean boys and so why not now? It's the best time honestly - I need to concentrate on SPM, which will determine my future. This industry had been a great experience for me to widen my perspective, and probably changed me forever but there are cons and limits and I'll put it to that limit now. We'll see. I think I mentioned it but I'm gonna try to concentrate on only groups I actually like, excluding my obvious top two, includes B1A4, Infinite, Block B. Exclusivity is a virtue, honestly.


Sunday, December 30, 2012


Had to delete two more posts because Gayo Daejun tomorrow and I'll reserve this post for everything else I have to say before the last post of 2012.
....Jap I'm slowly realizing Gayo Daejun might be the last post of 2012. But I won't let it be RAWR Believe it or not I would have to post it in 2013, the last post of 2012 lol. oh well. what to do.

Anyway this was featured on AFF and I just thought; why is it that this exists yet AFF sucks so much?


I put on some music because well. In all honesty One Direction's Live While We're Young or of some sorts is stuck in my head. All the 1D songs the mainstream radios play sound the same and so fucking annoyingly addictive. Anyway.

My current condition is second day of period and while yesterday my ovaries fucked with me today my hormones are uncontrollable. I'm in bed and one minute I'm looking at comel sleeping next to me lovingly and the next I feel like ranting off about every other cliched Jongup stan like sob I deserve him better than all you idiots
Also I'm thinking if I should cook rice maybe I should call mom hmm after I finish this update

Excited bout Gayo Daejejun but also scared I won't be able to get a good stream. I'm not ready for school but I'm trying. Aired my shoes but made no attempt to wash them. I see my uniform - the same ones I wore last year, in its same condition. I don't even know not even caring bout how I look on the first day of school. Got my textbooks and socks today. Also I greeted Yee sensei and somehow reminded myself that my Japanese exam results are gonna come out soon. Freaked. Got responses on the fic and I think some people didn't expect that ending. I gotta admit, the style is different from the rest of the fic and I made it so so that there won't be any hanging questions. What is given is what is and unlike the rest of the fic, it requires no thinking from the audience. Therefore it must've been somewhat an anti-climax to some. Kinda sad but I also did it to cover my own flaws - the truth is, I don't believe there ever is a concrete reason to kill; yourself or another person.

So stupid that I made a fic to kill people but I don't think its worth it. Its for entertainment purposes, after all. I'm thinking as a writer who wants an audience, not as one who wants to tell amazing stories because reality is, I don't have amazing stories to tell. Only stories to create - but they're not neccessarily amazing, now are they? I write to feed the society with what sells - drama.
In my own way, I am SM Entertainment. How do I turn into a Stardom Entertainment though?

((Stardom Ent is Block B & EvoL's company))

Anyways while I'm here thinking about things that don't require my thoughts, my Smart Holiday is still sitting on my table, 90% undone. I gotta enjoy my last day with the laptop though. I'll worry about school tomorrow.

Wow is that an abstract procrastination I see?

that familiar story.


"Do you like me better now?"

"You're better now than before."

Sunhwa kept finding reasons to dislike Himchan. He was so into the things he was doing. They were never anything official, but Sunhwa did like him and somehow, she feels that Himchan was attracted to her too, even if the slightest bit. She restrained herself from getting attached, but there were things that she wanted to share with him. Things her girlfriends wouldn't understand. She didn't have a lot of guy friends - even if guys did trail after her, she often dismissed them due to lack of interest. Himchan was different though. They were a group of friends, but as that group of friends started to disperse, the two stayed in contact.

"Why are you angry at him now?" groaned Jieun through the phone, checking her dark red nails. The edge of her index finger's nail was slightly chipped. It's been awhile; maybe it's time to visit the nailshop.

"I left him a message about my assignment on Facebook but he hasn't replied!" Sunhwa stomped around in her room as she talked loudly into the receiver, her right hand on her hips, her long red hair bouncing on her back. "I really need an opinion, since it's an advertising project and it's due soon! That son of a bastard."

"Why don't you ask me?" Jieun replied.

"I already had female opinions!" Sunhwa told, frowning, finding an excuse. "I needed a male one."

"Why don't you call him then," Jieun said, trying to solve the problem as fast as possible, not needing more drama in her life.

"I can't call him..." Sunhwa trailed.

"Why not?"

"It's embarrassing. Like, I need him or something."

"But you kinda do right now."

There was silence from the other side of the phone. 

"Hello?" Jieun called. "Sunhwa, you there?"

"It's okay. I don't need his fucking opinion. That little shit."

Sunhwa knew that the only reason she threw around insults at Himchan was because she didn't want to believe that he did nothing wrong. 

Two years ago, Himchan was that idiot she hated so much. He trailed her everywhere, disturbing her and texting her about how much she means to him. Sunhwa hated it and when she changed her number, she never told the naive boy. He thought it was love - and he wanted it so bad. After two years, the two grew more mature and found each other on Facebook. Somehow, they found laughter in their conversations and Sunhwa would like to think they had something special. 

But Himchan had a life now. He knew the difference between love and lust. And while Sunhwa was silly enough to fall for that idiot who made her life burdensome two years ago, Himchan probably never thought much about her. 

"I don't like him," Sunhwa told herself. "I really don't. Not in that way. Himchan's an idiot."

And so he was. Soon he made Sunhwa angry enough to have blocked the innocent boy. One day he wanted to comment on Sunhwa's status, only to realize that he was blocked. He didn't understand why. But he decided that it should probably go both ways.

"I don't understand what's going on, but you obviously don't want anything to do with me anymore," Himchan muttered to himself as he went to Sunhwa's profile and looked for that 'unfriend' button. When he found it, he mercilessly clicked it without a second thought.

That's the story of what has happened, and what's to come, is probably the Sunhwa being the victim, still lost in thoughts of what ever happened to that boy she met through her friends, hated, liked, and decided to hate again. On the other hand, Himchan would live a normal life without ever thinking about Sunhwa ever again - she was the past, and there are plenty other girls out there for him to like. The loss of Sunhwa was just a save of things to think about in his life.

Fuck this shit.


kinda miss doing things that don't matter.
you know, doing things no one ever told me to. there's sort of a thrill to it. going out for movies, editing videos, writing, creating something that doesn't have a meaningful value. sort of something that won't give much effect with or without it's presence.
I'm not even sure what I really want right now...


the feeling of having a purpose other than what others expect your purpose to be.

getting kinda tired of waiting for feedback on my fanfic. it's sort of impossible to come... never mind. I'll just post it up. On the 31st I'm gonna have to post hiatus announcements everywhere anyway.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

SBS Gayo Daejun 2012.

Looks like my fourth last post in 2012 is still gonna be about kpop lol. Probably the third last too; for MBC Gayo Daejejun. I couldn't watch KBS's Gayo Daejun so I can't review it much, but based on resources they said SBS is better than KBS's. I only watched CNBLUE cuts and yea, it did look quite bad actually lol. But it's okay.

One thing, these three channels should be happy Mnet doesn't do Gayo Daejuns lol. But then, they probably are in higher standards than Gayo Daejun's. Their standards are more international; KCon, music awards in other countries. They'd probably beat all three to it. But I'm guessing MBC is like, superior compared to the other two too since they got the 31st and theirs is the longest, I think? I'd die because SBS's is already five hours so I have no idea how I'll survive MBC's. Would probably just wait for rice idiots then leave. 

Stupid thing is, B.A.P were one of the last performers today. What if that happens on MBC too...

Okay so I sort of skipped out red carpet since I found out I missed B.A.P and the stream was quite bad I decided to just wait for the real thing. And I even managed to watch from the very beginning yay! SHINee's opening was quite good; different. I heard on KBS's Onew and Key switched parts. On SBS's, they defied gravity.

Oh, another thing I like about Gayo Daejun's is that they always have remixes. That's why I was so disappointed with MAMA, I think, because I was expecting something epic like these but oh well. Close enough. Secret was after that but I didn't really watch my stream, tbh lol. They were laggy and it would just be a headache. Honestly, it didn't have much umph, Secret's performance. I think it was because Zinger wasn't there and to me, she sort of gave the power to Secret. now it's all sexy-soft-sexy-sexy-soft.

I can't remember who performed first, but CNBLUE & FTIsland's collab and CL's collab with this other person were awesome too! CL's vocals were, wow. Amazing. and tbh FNC brother's performance was kinda laggy on my laptop so I couldn't get a good sound, but who wouldn't love a band battle, seriously?

Teen Top tried to be a bit hip hop today with some break dancing but I don't think they practiced much heu. Still, they tried. And To You is super catchy and Changjo is really cute so.

Wasn't much until part 2, where the hip hop began and damn, I was just like bajdbcdb they are so fucking epic. Honestly they were dripping with swag.

Then Infinite performed and wow, the orchestra remix was just jfns. Although I watched their KBS performance and I kinda preferred that one but oh well. Infinite deserves loves.

CNBLUE's Hey You performance was okay. Nothing out of the ordinary. Plus it wasn't even live so I can't say much.

((btw another disappointment for KBS was the idol band thingy. a) THEY DIDN'T PICK ANYONE FROM FT ISLAND HOW COULD THEY b) they had two SHINee members and two 2AM members like what no that's completely unnecessary.  but I'm completely biased towards Jinyoung because omg, Jinyoung can play the bass?? HOW MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE CAN THAT GUY GET SERIOUSLY dayum. ok that's it)) ((a band with eight members what were you thinking KBS?? ))

moving on. The MCs were talking about the coming up performances and they mentioned SM and I groaned. You guys know why. But hey, they're still really good dancers and although this was pre-recorded three days back and mimed, it's still worth the watch.

Oh, and they're gonna release Spectrum tomorrow. wowwie.
But honestly SM, SM the Performance? oh wow what an awesome name -___-

A few moments after this I was mostly just expecting B.A.P because wow, they're late. and I didn't mention EXO because their performance were cut off a lot, and they were saying Chen sang in Korean so I'm guessing that's the only highlight so.

So I looked through the video list and there wasn't anything more interesting so I'll skip through to rice idiots. The opening was epic, I fucking love the fight for freedom shout because well, Fight for Freedom is one of my favourite songs really. it's just so awesome and if they really performed it I think I would've been dead by now. But they didn't.
Still, they took off their golden robes and fuck, they were all wearing sleeveless shirt and like leather thingies. Armpits, armpits everywhere. They performed Warrior, as expected, and they twisted the arrangement a bit so that they'll end it with the dance break and omg I think I cried. no not really, more like the fangirl sobbing with no tears type of crying. I was never impressed with Jongup's dancing. I only get impressed the first time than after that it's only vanity like "yeap that's my boy" type of feeling.
And then, they killed all of us with the ending. Enjoy.

Lastly, about the Colors of KPOP, I'm not really fond of any of the songs, although if I had to pick my favourite would be Dynamic Black. If their song was more catchy than sad, I would've loved theirs. For the girls I'm more biased toward Dazzling Red. mostly because I preferred the song. but I'll just link to you guys their performances; I think I posted too many videos in one post here.

Dazzling Red Mystic White Dynamic Black Dramatic Blue 

So, goodnight.

talk that.

I wonder if there is anyone on this earth who never did shit and never felt guilty about it. Like, they never felt "oh I haven't done that homework yet" or "I haven't did that chore mom told me to do" and just thinks "let me waste my life, it's my life after all". It would be so nice to be such a person, although such a nuisance to others.


Yongguk stated that he would write more love song next year since this year he wrote a lot of lyrics which criticize the society.

(via : BAP_Intl)

I'm a bit disappointed tbh. One of the reasons I loved B.A.P was because they were different. Yes, they criticized the society, but isn't the society to be criticized?
Bang Yongguk-sshi, please don't change for the sake of the public. Where's Soul Connection when you need them? Soul Connection, please give some advice to your dear maknae. He needs them. He needs to be brought back to Jepp Blackman.

The song that I put into the mix CD consisted of a few society-mocking songs, and I was hoping that it would inspire him. Maybe I should've written the letter to all of B.A.P, then I could tell Yongguk how much I love his music and what he wrote because then maybe it could've made him realize that he didn't have to change for the sake of others - people loved B.A.P as they were. Those blonde, badass guys were awesome. Why change?

Sure, it's not wrong to write love songs. It's just that I feel that there's enough love songs in B.A.P's albums these days. Warrior and Power only had one each. No Mercy had three out of five. then the repackage added another two. then Hajima had two love songs out of three, and one of them is the title track even!
I've never been really fond of love songs because some of them tend to be a) repetitive ie. giving the same message over and over again, either of loss or of young love; or b) unrealistic love that only happens in fairy tales and aren't worth singing about (only worth to be read tbh idk i'm just so both sided I can't even).

Therefore, I have no idea how to end this.


Last night I went to my cousin's wedding at Concorde Hotel, Shah Alam. It was fun, because I got along with my cousins like finally. They did my make up and hopefully it wasn't too obvious since I never wear make up other than lipgloss. There was a string quartet and the cello-ist was so cute. He wore a light green baju Melayu and had kinda long hair. I told my cousins and they were like "dah agak dah taste Elyna sume rupe macam orang Korea je" I laughed. yeaaa probably. got a shaky picture with them later but omg :)) huge fan of musicians tbh, plus they were all Malay so it kinda made me proud cuz, let's admit it, you don't see talented Malay musicians everywhere, most of them are Chinese. not to be racist but it's the truth. Indians pun usually is more of the higher class ones. wow this is starting to sound very racist. anyway I've never seen a Malay guy cello-ist so when they performed Viva la Vida I fell in love even more <3 p="p" talent="talent" the="the" with="with">
so the food was nice too. we were PRESENTED our food haha hotels. the rice was placed for us, and the butter prawns were hot, then they gave us dessert which was ice cream cake and it was delicious. it wasn't too filling, but I wasn't starving neither. just nice. after everyone left my relatives went crazy and we were taking pictures like there was no tomorrow. I'll upload them on Facebook since my cousins were all "tag facebook tag facebook!" so yea. slept at the hotel that night and got back this morning.

I'll blog about rice idiot's performance on SBS Gayo Daejun tomorrow, when there's a HD link to it. Usually there is, but it takes time. Hopefully SBS won't put it down before I get my hands on them.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

the rice idiots.

Gonna post this instead of Everything is Pretty because that thing is too fcking pretty I can't even

So I did a lot of spamming on Facebook and Twitter and YAY it reached 95 likes :D It'll be a miracle if it reached a hundred by tomorrow I honestly have no one else to spam.
Okay I take that back just spammed another batch of people and YES finally got 100+ likes :'D

Honestly I don't like spamming people I barely talk to, but people are always nice, somehow idk it's weird in real life they don't give you two shits but online they're just like "yea! sure! alright! no prob!"
Anyway there were people on Twitter that were nice, like three unnies wished me good luck and this tweet popular girl offered promoting it (I guess she knew she's tweet popular lol). then there was Ayuni who sent best wishes from Nilai, then Nabihah said Guppie would be proud of it ; ; I think all the rice idiots stans knew it was Jongup lol.

I counted how many people had over 100 likes and there were 30. so far 53 people out of 160 had submitted it. I have to beat out only 70 people, which is less than half so I don't have to be too worried. I guess. If I didn't get chosen then I can cheer myself up by remembering that I was one of the 160 people chosen for Stage 2!! Which is like, the top 5 classes in my batch! I'm like, not in the last classes!
Just imagine if there was a writing school and every batch had 200 people and 8 classes it means that I'd be in the top 5 classes get it okay wow Elyna such an achievement there

did I just do unnecessary calculation lol
Hey I was supposed to be here for a different reason.

I feel like all my blogging abilities has vanished in the air. I wanted to talk about my mom. When she was 42, she opened up a law firm. Now at the age of 54, turning 55 next year, she has decided to close down the firm and work on advising at home.

"I can't do it anymore, you know," she told me at dinner today. "It eats you up."

Then she went on about how a few of her other lawyer friends who's only in their 40's and have decided to close down their firms too. We did a little bit of calculating and decided that the average year of working for yourself is 12 years. It'll then reach it's climate - where things go wrong and you won't have the patience to handle it anymore. You're tired of those repetitive mistakes and the new staff that keeps making them their first month and their silly problems and the clients who never appreciate the work you do and question you as a lawyer when they hired you themselves. It's tiring, and it's not suiting for a fifty year old lady. Not when even 40 year olds can't handle it.

I think this year was the toughest for her. She used up a lot of money for umrah and the Aussie trip and renovating the house. When problems with my brothers started happening and fines had to be paid she said it was a punishment. She said Allah SWT is telling her she spent too much - she was too proud. It was the typical time for everyone to go shopping for raya and she wasn't in her best condition. It really felt bad to see my mom like that.

I was starting to get into the details and I wouldn't like that exposed to the public lol. So um, 12 years, right? That was the average amount of time for someone to work hard on something to survive.
I have schooled for ten years. Next year, it'll be eleven. Mom survived more than that. Why can't I?

Went to buy books the other day and I realized it's my final year at Sri Aman. It's finally gonna end. It's a mixed feeling thing, as usual. Still haven't bought stationery. Planning to not buy school clothes. That's another upside. My parents will save so much more money on me because I won't have to buy stupidly expensive uniforms anymore. Honestly I don't know what to expect - if I saw thirty bucks is expensive for a kain, what about fifty bucks for a pair of shoes? No one can ever be satisfied. Smart Holiday is a horror - it's empty except for Sejarah, which I did with the girls the other day. I have to practice piano - three weeks worth of practice - but I have to go to Concord Hotel the WHOLE DAY tomorrow for my cousin's wedding cry I completely forgot. My piano homework is also not done meaning I am fucking dead meat education wise.

My main point was supposed to be me motivating myself; come on Elyna, mom survived more than you! You can do this! Just one more year! But I went on with what I don't even understand myself. Maybe I should delete it...
I just did. Well then.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

piece of sheet.

I twisted the head of the pipe, letting a stream of transparent liquid wash off the invisible dirt on my hands. My eyes caught my reflection in the mirror in front of me. What was that in my eyes? Not something I see everyday. But I knew how it triggered.

Tonight, I'm gonna edit.
Prepare yourself for a shitstorm, Starstruck.

(loljk it won't be a shitstorm but I'm trying to do something that falls along the line of above average, see. I even got armour on. Bedak sejuk.)



I used Sony Vegas. Yes, a video editor but crap is that editor HD because it turned out quite pretty. I was considering using a different picture as I browsed through my Tumblr tags but then I already told Xueh Wei I was using that picture so I kept it. Thought of it as a challenge like Chopped they give you certain ingredients and you're supposed to make a dish out of it. You don't have a choice, do you?
Then I found this YT thing and thought "wow there was actual use to reblogging this... weird" and used that for effects. Thought "I need to put something that represents me" and well KPOP plays quite a crucial part in my life (I guess hahhaa) so I thought of putting Jongup's picture and MIRACLE I'm actually working on another video and this was already masked! I zoomed in a little so that the flaws won't be obvious eheh and also I didn't wanna reveal it was my boyfriend so I cut it off at the eyes.
Used flip effect on the YT clip and walah. changed transparencies and stuff then wrote the words and used 'Brain Flower' font (because it's a really pretty font and I think it suits the background more?) and played around and SCREENSHOT and posted it.

Hopefully, likes don't play a crucial role. Getting 9 likes in the first hour is normal, right? I mean it's 3am (almost 4 now actually) so. Goodnight.


Apparently I had another nice dream. It actually started out as a Disney princess game or something and it was nice but I can't remember very well and then it turned into another video game with a lot of chasing and gunning down people then it changed into something like a few Sri Amanians were spies I can't remember who but there were a lot. I was setting off to another mission when dad was saying we could go somewhere or something like we had the money to do something but it was still in planning. I went to do my mission all excited and I bumped into Pumpkin and she was on the way to a mission too and I was talking to her but I think I annoyed her because she seemed to be rushing somewhere. At one point we seperated for awhile then she tripped down the stairs. I went to ask if she was okay but she shrugged me off. We got to the place she was undercover and a few other Sri Amanians were there and someone asked Pumpkin "she's undercovering here too?" And Pumpkin answered "not here." I don't think I was meant to hear that so I just walked away, pretending someone didn't just hint she doesn't want me around.
Went to the place I was undercover and there was a lot of chasing going on until I reached this place where there were a lot of homeless people living illegally in an abandoned building but it wasn't my job to save them so I pretended I didn't see anything. Suddenly I came to an exit where there were a lot of people getting caught and there were like a few police and most of the people were families. One of them was mine.
Apparently at that time we were living somewhere with circumstances and Bakmal screwed up something and we were arrested. We had to pay a lot of fines and all our money would be gone. Sad story, blablabla. Then I noticed Pumpkin was also somewhere in the crowd, with her family. She must be in a lot of trouble too.
So we decided that we'll work harder for our future and cute stuff like, the rest was a blur.

Yea it was kinda weird but I liked the thrill? There was a lot of things on the line like the Disney princess game thing involved like marriage or something then the shooting game, ofc the life of the player was on the line, then the spy thingy, because there was a lot of going-to-places-you're-not-supposed-to then running and chasing and pretending nothing is going on in a different place. That was cool.

I don't even know how you feel thrilled while you're sleeping.

Monday, December 24, 2012


Small update.

So I've been longlisted for Starstruck here (hurrah) but tbh I won't be very happy about it until I know how many applied exactly hahaha yeaa... I'm grateful, of course, but there's still about 70 other applicants to beat out until I'm actually in for the real deal. Still haven't told anyone in my family but I will.

As stated on the link above, I'm required to make a graphic of an acronym made out of my name about my qualities. No word that starts with E, L, Y, N, A that defines 'honest' or 'frank' or 'straight forward' lol. I was considering 'earnest' but I looked it up and thought about it and it could also mean sincere and I'm not very sincere in everything I do. Xueh Wei best skip out on this part, if we're gonna be competitors haha.

Here's what I've gotten so far:

I tried to be original, I really did. But Y had 18 adjectives to them lol. Also, the graphical quality isn't the best there is out there. I tried picking out something from my 'japan' tag on Tumblr and I didn't wanna choose those flower pictures because it seemed unoriginal and typical. Then I had a hard time trying to pick out a font /sigh. Ended up with this one because I think it suits the picture. I think. Whaddaya think? Any suggestions for 'Y'?

Also I have no idea how Xueh Wei's gonna pick out for 'X' hahahha and saw that Reyshmi made it too. I wonder what she picked out for her 'Y' ouo

And I posted the second part or WMBK on dA, TSU, AFF and LJ. Except, LJ has some technical difficulties so note to self; remember to post on bapwarriors community. Sigh. Tiring night. Didn't even get to finish watching WGM. And someone on Twitter just spoiled ep7 of School 2013 for me /sigh tomorrow's ep8. Can't wait for the subs.
P.S, #np Tunnel Song
P.P.S, might be going for back2back movies with some of the girls this week yay.


So Laila told me she still reads my blog and told me to update. But she said she only reads when I talk about real life so I don't know if this counts as a blog post upon request. Just wanted to say a few things.

I'm so late with the fangift, I'm even considering courier now but hopefully the post offices open after Christmas day. I just want it to be there before 15th January (GDA so it'll be too late by then), maybe before 13th or 12th would be good too because maybe it takes some time for the gifts to get to B.A.P from the company building. Or if B.A.P's coming to Malaysia a bit earlier idk
But see I got resources (ehem that sounds way too cool than what it really is but let's say I did smooch my way into this acquaintance) and she said that B.A.P might be holding another showcase in Malaysia after GDA and as much as how impossible that sounds, I'm hoping B.A.P is coming, if not for another showcase, but for an event. In case he didn't get the cap in time to wear it for the flight here for GDA, he might be able to wear it then so. yay best wishes for that

Another thing is that wow, finally got feedback for We Must Be Killers on dA and LJ. A bit later than I wanted (but I didn't expect anything... I didn't want to. expectations lead to disappointments) but there's still feedback nonetheless. from dA was Kikidai again, the admin of an infamous writers group. she (he?) is always so nice, commenting sincerely every time.
When I got to LJ I was surprised to have gotten not one, but THREE new messages. I was getting kinda excited, but turns out it was one person who commented on three stories (including WMBK). I really appreciate it, I do, but it does come out as a disappointment because I really wanted feedback for my latest story. But she commented on my failed fluff and the EXO crossover. Like, I put the fluff there for variation, and the crossover seems like a long time ago. I like it too; it sort of gave me my style of writing, but what about Mask? and Chipped? I still haven't gotten that much feedback on those and I'd really like it if someone said something about them.
But well I guess I should be happy with what I got. Whenever I complain to mom she would be like "Humans are never happy with what they've got, are they?" and it shuts me up.

Plus, this 'blackheart_lies' person claimed me to be her new best friend and left me a plate of cookies so.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

the states.

I heard this song about two years ago, I think, and I've always contemplated whether I should have this song in my playlists because it's good but it's a Christmas song. So I decided I should probably just listen to this every time the jolly season comes along lol. Doesn't feel very festive here though. I can imagine when my family was in the states they'd be invited to Christmas parties by their neighbours and having some food where they would tell them "Oh you shouldn't eat this, it's not halal. But I prepared some halal food for you guys!"

My mom told me they did that because those aren't the average class Caucasians. they're more of the lower class people. They lived in that type of area anyway, since my dad was a student so that was what the government could budget for us. It was good enough. They call it apartments but they were brick buildings the size of my whole first floor. (which is quite big tbh for an apartment) Plus it was a good area where we could get halal meat because Arabs lived around the same area and there was a halal butcher shop there.

I didn't remember anything, but it feels like I do, because my mom always tell me all these stories and I'm always so fascinated. Because they were there, they survived, and my dad studied well. I wanna be there too, one day. I want to bring my family back to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and listen to my mom and dad and eldest brother tell stories about how they lived. My second brother experience education there too, but he was only 4/5 so he remembers little. I'm most envious of my eldest brother, who experienced both middle school and high school there (14/15). His school wasn't exactly those high schools you'd see in those typical American movie, rather if you've watched those movies about African-Americans who can't even afford their books, yea it was more like that. But the environment wasn't all bad. The government made sure of it.

My brothers might not speak as much English as I do, but their parents are my parents, so their English are just as good as mine, and a teacher from my brother's high school told him before taking the entrance exam to purposely do averagely on the paper, because if he did well he'd be trapped with stuck-up Caucasians. It was funny, but well it's better too because his friends (some were Indonesians, some were African-Americans, but he did have Malay friends because they all lived in the same neighbourhood, the Malaysian students with families) weren't that well versed in English so they ended up in the same class.

It's a lot different here, every where.

Friday, December 21, 2012


Yes I am jealous. But I think it's stupid for me to be jealous because even I know AFF is stupid. Thing is, I liked that story that Ika wrote too. That was really good, how the ending was kinda unexpected. I think the only reason I got more marks than her on that assignment was because I actually wrote a whole story for that, and in quite a number of pages too, so Pn. P obviously thinks I deserve more but honestly, her story was so touching I almost cried myself, even though I knew the ending.

I'm just gonna boost my self confidence slightly by posting We Must Be Killers on dA and LJ. AFF is killing me because I don't know how to tag and no one there sees me. TSU even more so because my topic got like 4 views and no replies then there's this one-shot fluff that over 90 views and 8 replies it's just.. wow. Sad life.
LJ and dA, please don't disappoint me. I'm still hoping that guy (or is it a girl?) who's the admin of SecretSocietyWriters doesn't give up on my stories. I just hope the title will attract enough readers on bapwarriors community. Honestly, I don't have a lot of readers and it kinda saddens me. It lowers my self confidence a lot and the only way to put it back up is to think that highly of myself and that's just sad. But I have no other way.

I'm the one who wants to actually publish books in the future. That's why the opinion of an audience is needed so much. But what's the use when I don't have a large audience?
Thanks a lot guys, for reading. Honestly. I'm glad to have point of views from a lot of people. I need it so.

I just deleted about four paragraphs of over-thinking. Conclusion : I like writing, I find enjoyment in it, but there's that after effect of wanting to know what other people think of it. And I hate it.


Well South Korea obviously doesn't believe that the world was gonna end today.

So the above video... I can't say I'm super excited and that this video proves B.A.P are the best rookies of all time, because they did lack. For one, I admired how BtoB comprehended with using B.A.P's song as the opening. (Although hearing 'Melody' instead of 'BABY' kinda made me feel a bit sick in the stomach but that's just my feelings) They did well, but the camera was all over the place and it sort of didn't capture the detail of the dancing, but rather just built up a lot of hype for those who don't have an eye for choreography.
Also the fact that BtoB's group dance was slightly better than B.A.P's imo. Why? Not because of the talent, lemme just tell you I believe all of them are talented and can dance well in their own styles. But because of the choreography. Yes, I am admitting that B.A.P's choreography was actually biased.

Who the heck created the choreography? The beginning was awesome with that motorbike scene thing, yes, but then it started to seem a lot like it was Moon & Zelo with back up dancers. Sure, they're the main dancers but it looks a lot like the rest of B.A.P were mere decorations to their battle-out. Mind you that this is a KPOP dance battle, meaning that they're not dance crews. They work together as a team. Sure a few solo shots are good but about 3/4 of B.A.P's dance was mainly Zelo and Jongup showing off? Not in a bad way, that's how dance crews battle it out. But they're not dance crews. They're an idol group.

BtoB on the other hand included everyone in their dances, and even when there were solo shots at least four of them got attention. That's more than half of the group getting solo shots. And the detail in their choreography was showcased very well from the top to beginning. Although it lacks creativity (you gotta admit you see a lot of these things in KPOP dances, but the motorbike thing from B.A.P's dance was very original) it looked neat and fair.

But here's the twist. When the two got together and the slick song (really can I call that R&B? Because I'm not sure whether it's Ne-Yo or Chris Brown or anyone in that same field with almost the same voice) started and they divided into two (you know which part. the one where the maknaes were back to back and OMG Zelo why are you so tall) you can see that B.A.P worked together better - their moves were in sync, and they looked really cool even without trying too hard. But BtoB looked really messy and sort of just let it go in the end.
I have no complains about the ending though. Heck IT WAS JUST SO FUCKING AWESOME I mean did you see them dancing in sync and like going in and out of each other's lines like OMG that was just sooo good seriously ;w; That was my favourite part.
Also, sometimes I wonder if B.A.P had like a special hip thrusting class because damn, they keep hip thrusting I'm just gonna lie here and die calling myself a BABY

Just saying that FUCK ZELO I hate you and your cuteness like that aegyo by the end of the rap HOW CAN YOU CONCEAL THAT I just laughed and laughed like omg he killed me. And I also hate the fact that I can sing to this version (which is probably if not a few keys, a whole octave lower than the original version) better than the original because damn, my voice is just that low. I can only sing guy songs well then when I try a girl group song I sound like I'm a sick hyena trying to squeeze out my last breaths.

Oh well. B.A.P did a good job.
Shitting fucks guess what. I just discovered that B.A.P actually did a cover of this :

I'M GOING TO DIE THAT MAKES IT WORSE I think I mean at least it wasn't their idea to make the maknaes stars of the show, and it's not exactly the same (but the original was better tbh) but well DOES THAT MEAN BTOB TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN NEW STEPS WHILE B.A.P RIPPED OFF JABBAWOCKEEZ NOOO
Yet again, I'm gonna lie here and die calling myself a BABY

well, Merry KBS Christmas.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

drama 2013.


Okay wait no cries I have to control these feels and put it in another post ;_____;
Okay so this is what happened. I decided that 9 more posts left weren't enough until the end of the year so I deleted a few posts and apparently this will be my 987th post. I kinda regretted it for awhile when I suddenly remembered I have approximately ten days left of 2012 and it seemed impossible to write 14 posts in that day but now I can see what I can talk about to fill it out.

I just finished watching School 2013 episode and all the feels seriously. It is so fcking intense I can't even. It's those type of dramas not everyone can appreciate, you know? It's kinda slow and there's a few bad actors and annoying characters but I'll withstand it for a difference. It's definitely not the typical Kdrama (or is it?? maybe it's the typical underrated Kdrama).
The drama is intense, but it's not the type where suddenly this person is actually this person's sister and that person's grandma had an affair with that person's father so technically they're somewhat blood related but then they're in love or whatever. It's real life - there are some students that want to study, mostly because they were pressured by their family who all are well educated. Then there are those who have no purpose, and have no intention in doing so. Some are ruining their own lives, and some lives are already ruined. Then there's the teacher's perspectives too - to educate those students into being humans, or being university graduates? It's really that type of seriousness.

But then today I cried at episode 4. No, no one died and no one's heart got broken and no one confessed their love to someone (apparently there are rumours that they're cutting off the love line, but I'm hoping they don't cuz without it I'm sure it'll be quite dull). But a lot of kicking and punching happened. A lot of bruises. Somehow, I think I cried because of the pain. idek.

So I'll try to finish this until episode 6 today. it's still ongoing so damn am I anticipating it. It feels like all the characters are somewhat hateful, but that's just it. No one's perfect.

P.S, prepare yourself for a fangirl post tonight. Also, I'll talk about my gift sometime. It's done and I've taken pictures and stuff but I haven't decided if I'm really in the mood to talk about how I got it done yet lol. It's by my brother's side now, hidden from my mom. Hopefully things go well and Kak Ain sends it today without having anything leaked to mom.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

My way of seeing it.

No one's perfect. That's true. But there's always this one thing that I don't like about Ika. And its her lack of appreciation towards Literature.

I'm posting this now because I know she just visited and I'm hoping she won't be visiting again until a few weeks and by then she's be too lazy to backtrack and read everything. It might sound accusing, like how much do I know just from knowing her and listening to her opinions? Well I know her opinions doesn't necessarily come from Literature. I'm not saying they're baseless neither - I agree with most of them and I know she's a good person and she really is but it pisses me off when she asked me "how did zelo die?" when I stated it out in the story at least once without shadowing it with pretty words. I think the line was "although it was ironic Junhong died because of it - loss of blood." I remember because I edited that part several times because I didn't want the usage of 'blood' in that line and the line before sound repetitive.

It also started pissing me off during finals and she said she read the Fruitcake Special but asked me questions about it like, did you read it or not? And when it comes to reading, especially for school work, you'll need to read and understand. I got that from Lit class honestly. Its okay if you're slow or if you have to read a few lines a couple of times to get it. You have to understand. That's the beauty of literature. The hidden meaning behind every chosen word to make that piece is so important, you wouldn't even understand how much it means to the writer. How much thought taken to choose the perfect word to describe something. Can't you understand?

I think this opinion of mine also somehow relates to AFF readers and LJ readers. I think I've mentioned on this blog how much more analytic LJ readers are compared to dA readers. AFF readers on the other hand go "OMGGG PLEASE UPDATE!!!1!!" 2 hours after the latest chapter was posted. Are you stupid? AFF has some good writers, a lot of wannabe writers who put in their description "sorry for bad English, not first languag" (then don't fckin write in English dammit write in your own language what a disgrace to those who call themselves writers srsly) then there's those romance novel geniuses who manages to make the probably most romantic yet impossible things happen between you and your bias.

I fcking hate those. I can never appreciate romantic shit its just impossible even with normal people. Those shit don't happen in real life. Fcking delusional. Sure, once in awhile daydreaming is fine, just for the fun of it but when every single story is about a few idols chasing over a girl OC (and like Twilight's 'OC', Bella, she's least described or described as average so that any reader can imagine themselves in that position) its just so annoying. No, okay? That's unfair. If everyone is different in this world, why does everyone have to like one single girl? Is there no other girl around them? If they like an average girl like you why not the next average girl?

It's also like that in the first few episodes of The Romantic & Idol. Everyone liked Jihyun when everyone else around is just as pretty and attractive. That's why I gave up on that show. The worst thing is, that's real. Its not a thought-up drama. Its reality, where eventually every guy will fall for that one person, and all the other girls have to suffer because of it.

/sigh that was a good ranting session. In the end, all I want is just a few friends to huddle in a room together with, holding a few books, all ready to read whatever is given to them, good or not, they will read earnestly and give the best comments to let the writer improve. I wish I could coop up a few versions of Nadhrah who has different opinions each, each with another good book to recommend me. Honestly if Naddo told me bout Pride & Prejudice at school I would ask her to bring the book the next day. I want to read it, I really do. Its just that I haven't given my full will to doing so yet. I'm sure if I get my hands on a copy I would read it honestly, just like The Hunger Games trilogy and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. In my opinion, that's how everyone should treat literature.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The first line in this drama and I'm already digging it.


"But I'm not going to stop fangirling, no. Why lessen the fangirl when next year's gonna be such a fangirl year for me? Maybe I'll soften the occasional screaming and the feeling of waiting for fandom moments to come. But it doesn't mean I'll stop watching or reading what I love cause of SPM. Next year's SPM and you feel like lessening your time on play and focus more on studies. But I don't think you should, in my opinion. You're stressed from studying, from sports, from school, then you come home and do your homework and study some more. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. There's always time for things you enjoy. Tumblr, writing, drawing, sports, dancing, listening to music, whatever. No one can be cooped up studying forever. It's unhealthy. We have to be balanced. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it sounds. "

Yes, it's not as easy as it sounds, not when I've regretted most of my decisions about school this year. I've regretted those classes where I try to listen for the first ten minutes then think "I can't do this anymore" and hide my face in my arms on the table and later that night I'll be on Twitter procrastinating again until late night and repeat above steps until I learn nothing.

This year, I want to finish my homework before school ends, read up what I learned that day before night time, and sleep at 10. Then the next day I can start fresh, brain ready absorb whatever the teacher has got to give me. I won't eat fish heads anymore, or too much oily food, or water with ants in them, and I have to avoid in all causes, looking back at my faeces (apparently that makes you slightly stupider. I don't see the logic in it but that's what I did in form 3 so I guess it works). I will also delete apps like Twitter, Blogger and Instagram (apparently those are the only distracting apps I have anyway) so that I won't get stuck on my phone, typing away my thoughts and such. My dad will be taking away the laptop so I'll use it only on Saturdays. if I was busy on Saturday THEN I'll use it on Sunday. or if I have an assignment. If I misused it when I was supposed to do my homework then I will punish myself by not use it during the weekends.

I will still Tumblr, I guess, if I can. I can still check updates on B.A.P on itsbap, and CNBLUE through CNBLUESTORM newsletters on my e-mail. But I'm devoting 2013 to those two groups. and WGM. I mean it's only an hour per week so I guess it's not bad. and School 2013 because well like Nadhrah (and everyone else) said, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I'll be taking tuition classes at Andrew Choo too, because it seemed to help Ika and me during PMR and UPSR years so I'll just trust him. I'll still write, when I feel like it or if I find inspiration to. I'll only edit videos during holidays (and I'm limiting it to a video per holiday because I should probably spend those hours studying) what else?

I also have to concentrate on my piano (somehow this makes me feel like cutting off even more of my leisure activities but I won't) so yay more things to do. I still haven't finished those books I bought from Scholastic congratulations Elyna you've succeeded in life.
oh well I'm procrastinating again so later.
[ post #989 ]


Monday, December 17, 2012


so this will be my 988th post. Glad to say I didn't post hundreds of posts like I did in the previous years.

how did I know? well lifeless me backtracked my blog until my first post in 2012 and apparently my last post in 2011 was my 800th. I evaluated my posts and well I talk a lot don't I? I still do, apparently. in between what actually happened I would put in my opinions into it then that opinion will lead to another and so on. sorry if you guys suffered reading my blog. I'll try not to blog too much in 2013. is a hundred posts enough? I'll make my 1100th post for the last post on 2013, talking about how I'll miss school and how college will be like and such. that's a promise. remind me if I forget.

I don't know if I'll do the a-friend-gets-one-post like Fern is, even if she's only doing it for friends who had affected her life, I feel like there's too many people out there who has made me who I am even with the slightest opinion I have about them.
so anyway, found two posts I thought was interesting. also I think I was spazzing too much KPOP on this blog and that's why I created a Twitter account. I got my phone around May, and I realized I started blogging less around that time.

so the two posts are this and this. The first one is the blog post I made when I first discovered B.A.P. I seem less excited, just in that "oh well they're cool I like them" mode. Who would've thought I'd cry for them by the end of the year, really.
then the second one is me stating that I wanted to 'restart' 2012 and also my 'ideal type'. wow. who would've thought I'd meet Moon Jongup and restarting wouldn't even matter anymore because I started to care less.
Moon Jongup is the least of my ideal type. heck, he has abs, he's not lean, his eyes are tiny, his teeth are too big and rigged, he's the shortest member of B.A.P. yet I like everything about him. I'm starting to wonder if the person I'm gonna marry will really look like the type of person I would like at this moment.

I kinda wish I can restart now but I'm just trying to finish off 2012 quickly and start studying. that's all 2013 will be about - studying, tbh. I don't want drama, or boys, or Korean idol groups ruining my life. Next year I want everything to be subtle. will probably Tumblr less and fangirl less and concentrate less on everything that's going on in KPOP. I don't have to watch the latest MV by that group that I don't know the names of.

Okay well I'm actually procrastinating right now so I'll just end this here.

Another unrelated blog post.

You know, different people blog for different reasons.

Fern blogs bout daily life. What's going on. Rarely emo stuff, probably just once in awhile (maybe because she has that private blog oho) and sometimes just little things she wants to share (like that wayy cute 3-part story).
Eva and Naddo blogs when there some sort of special thing going on for them. Or maybe when they have something to say.
Not used to what Xueh Wei blogs about but it feels a lot like she's writing a personal article for us sometimes. (Yes even with the brackets).
Hanis blogs what she can't say. Anger, feelings she keeps to herself. She doesn't update it often, so I should probably be happy about that.

I... I'm still not sure what I specifically blog about. I want opinions and give a lot of opinions no one really cares about. Probably just things I want to share but have no one to share it with, hoping that anyone who's reading have a similar interest. When I blog about what happened in real life I probably just haven't told my mom yet. Its tiring and useless blabbing so I try not to do that anymore. Trying to keep reality out of this blog. It tends to get depressing.
Sometimes I feel like in this blog, I'm just shouting "HELP!! I NEED A SUGGESTION FOR THE COLOURING OF THIS VIDEO" or "HELP!! I NEED A WORD SIMILAR TO THIS ONE BECAUSE I USED IT IN THE LINE BEFORE SO IT WOULD SEEM REPETITIVE" but the truth is, no one's really gonna help much lol. Its out of their hands, I know. Just hoping for a miracle.

Today I vented out my frustration to Ika through a phone call. In nine minutes I shouted and ranted and cried and sobbed about my family. Its not something I would wanna share here and I can't see how its possible for me to talk about it without leaking what the actual problem is. Its just that... I don't see how other people can do it, you know? Talk about their feelings and yet not leak what is the actual problem in her life, or maybe someone else's. She can use the most beautiful words, string it together, hinting what she's talking about but then lock it back up and leave you in curiosity if she was actually talking about your life.

This girl is Zaza. I rarely read her blog because it tends to get a bit over-thought or maybe I just can't relate. But recently her posts were short and I did get jealous, I really did. Because I wonder why the girl who had the brains and the talent also had to take what I enjoy doing, and want to do, which is a naturally beautiful writing style. Her descriptions, her vocabulary. If I had what she has, I would write everyday. But no. Its her talent. I have to work on it myself.

Taking two more Panadol pills tonight. Feeling even worse than last night because of the flu and more rain wow. The only thing I can think positively of right now is that Allah SWT made me sick to wither away my sins so alhamdulillah for that. One thing I can depend on when I can't depend on anything else is thoughts of Allah SWT. That's how important faith is. No matter what you believe in, just have faith and you'll never fall.

Still waiting for a response on TSU so that I can post it somewhere else. I don't understand why I'm doing this but I just really gotta make sure this is actually good. You know, in other people's point of view. (Btw TSU is a BABY forum) The girls are probably coming tomorrow and the house is a mess but I don't wanna complain. They're probably coming after 3 anyway so I got plenty of time plus I won't have much time with them so I'll just try to enjoy their presence instead of worrying about it. Yes, still living by the motto "People who mind doesn't matter, and people who matter doesn't mind". That was by Dr Seuss, I think.
Kay well. Take care.


Sunday, December 16, 2012

We must be killers p5. [ END ]

***the italic words are either a mark between the past and present or the lyrics to the song. good luck interpreting it***

The stale smell of iron ran through Jongup's nostrils, so strong that his waken eyes flickered open, curious of his surrounding. He lifted his head off the table surface he laid on, his body on a chair by its side. He looked around, feeling the humidity, sticky on his face. He was in his basement. Glass shards were everywhere. Unrecognizable bodies laid on the floor, ripped open at the abdomen, random broken things surrounding them like trash piles, dark red liquid splattered across the dark walls. Jongup's eyes ran across the room back and forth in fear. He started counting the bloody bodies. One, two, five, ten... how many were there exactly? He can't tell.

What happened?

Most of the few light bulbs were smashed, leaving only one lit, a standing figure underneath it, something long and sharp in his hand.


"Junhong?" Jongup's lips were numb, saying the words in his mind a second slower.

"You're awake."

What the... "What the fuck happened?! What did you do?!" Jongup stood up, the fear creeping to his heart, beating faster. His body feels weak to do anything, though.

"You mean what did we do." Junhong turned around, a smirk on his face. What?



"I didn't do anything..."

"Jongup wake up! Jongup?"

Jongup's eyelids separated. A coffin came to sight, Junhong's picture standing in a frame on top of it. He looked around. He was in a church, the seats half full, most of them from Junhong's orphanage, forced to fit into suits and pretty dresses to pay respect to someone they barely knew. Jongup's parents were by his side. In the background the sermon was mumbling about the Lord and heaven.

"You okay honey? Still can't sleep at night?" Jongup's mother asked, concerned. Lately Jongup hadn't been able to sleep, nightmares creeping into his dreams every night. That knife. Those bodies. The blood. But last night he actually found a cure. He doesn't know if he should be taking it though... not at these circumstances. Not when Junhong died because of it.

No. Junhong didn't die because of the drugs. He died because of Jongup.

Jongup went to school with eye bags,  rubbing the dreams away. He was greeted with stares. Everyone had heard of Junhong. He ignored the whispers. The blonde junior footballer approached Jongup, apologetical eyes kept on the floor. "Man, sorry bout Killer."

Jongup looked straight into his eyes, sharp with suppressed anger. "You never learned his name, did you?"

"Well I never thought he'd die..."

"Well he did," Jongup replied, the anger mixing around in his body with the feeling of guilt. "And we all killed him. We're all killers."

"We must be killers."

No. I didn't do any of this. The blood is on Junhong's hands. I fell asleep and suddenly... suddenly...

"Junhong? Are you okay?"

Junhong's left forearm was in a puddle of his own blood, some still flowing out of the cuts. It read 'KILLER', rough and deep. His right hand held a knife. Junhong's head laid on his right upper arm, his eyes resting on the bloody word.

"Do you see all these people, Jongup? Do you see what we did?" Junhong said in a hushed voice, his life at the end of its line. His face was paler than ever, his blue lips moving slowly. "We must be killers. We killed all of them..."

Jongup did see the bodies. But he passed out again, waking up with a more sober mind. Less drugged. It wore off him faster. Must be because he was controlling the urge. He's just glad he woke up in time to see Junhong still alive in front of him. He needed to hear his last words.

Junhong on the other hand never got sleep. He took more and more in boredom as his partner dozed off, addiction towards the taste taking over him fast, the fleeting feeling of the world dissolving under his feet taking him away. He was immortal. His father could do it. So can he. He could kill everyone, and he would still be alive. See? Killer. He could rip his arm apart and he's still smiling. That was how powerful he was.

But.. he feels weak now? Jongup. He has to share this power. His friend. His family. The only one he loved. He walked weakly towards the table Jongup was lying asleep, heart throbbing in his chest, hands shakily grabbing a chair to sit on. His warm - no, it's gotten cold suddenly - fingertips touched Jongup's hands, staining it with a bit of blood. Jongup? Wake up. Let's kill together...

"Junhong, just let it go happily, okay?" Jongup whispered to him. "You had a friend. I love you. Your life wasn't sad. It was filled with happiness."

"Jongup..." Junhong said hazily. "Let's leave together... I don't want to be alone..."

"I- I can't." Jongup told. "You won't be alone there. You have your mom. Don't worry bout it."

"Wha... what about you?" Junhong asked, using his last few breathes to pull in the energy and frowned. "You... you don't have anyone."

"I'll be fine," Jongup reassured, pulling a smile. "Now stop talking. Relax."

Jongup closed Junhong's tired eyelids, watching his breathing slow down.

"Jongup..." Junhong whispered, the words barely coming out, his cold lips frozen. "Thank you."

That was what Junhong wanted. He wanted it to end. He never told Jongup, but Jongup knew. He couldn't take his own life though. He needed help. That's what Jongup gave him. A little boost.

"We all killed him," Jongup mumbled, reassuring himself those words were true. Maybe it was. Not technically, but they were all a reason.

We all know how to fake it.
We all know what we've done.

Jongup's mind flickered an image of him putting that knife under that table. His thoughts came back to the white board in front of him. A few sentences made out of scientific terms strung together, making no sense to Jongup's dented mind. Another image came. Both him and Junhong were laughing for no apparent reason on the floor of his basement, a plastic bag weighing about 5 grams still filled with white powder. Junhong took in some more. The still somewhat sober Jongup watched, a feeling of guilt twisting and bending deep in his stomach. His eyes took attention of the knife waiting under the table.

It won't be long.

Jongup's eyes opened. He was on the backseat of a car, his parents in the seats in front of him, piles of boxes and backs behind. They were moving. This was the reason. He will find a new life somewhere else, leaving Junhong. It was better that he was now six feet underground, rather than in that school, losing more blood.

Although it was ironic that Junhong died because of it - loss of blood. They took it as suicide, not questioning the high levels of cocaine in Junhong's body, seeing that Jongup's parents put money into pockets to let him go. But maybe Junhong was already dead. Jongup kept him alive. But it was no use anymore.

The car passed by the graveyard Junhong was now resting in. Jongup tried to catch sight of Junhong's headstone - he remembered it was somewhere near the gates - but the car passed by too fast. Maybe it was better that way. This will all be the past. It'll be an old story told by the elementary students to their new friends in high school. At one point it will all just be a story to scare them. A killer ironically getting killed by his friend who disappeared a week after he did. They say the friend comes back to the killer's graveyard at night. Do you dare make a visit?

But to Jongup, it was just a dream.

He looked to his side where his backpack laid, and unzipped the front flyer. He glanced at his parents - his mother was babbling something about the moving services, while his father was pretending to listen, his mind completely elsewhere - before taking out a plastic bag, still half filled with what killed Junhong. Jongup rolled down his window and held out the plastic at one corner. He watched the white powder float away in an uneven line, disappearing into the air. When the plastic was empty, he let it go and rolled the window back up, turning to the front. Time to move on from this nightmare.


So I did do a bit more research to reassure I was giving the right information. Apparently heroin is a bit too strong so I went with cocaine, since it looks the same so I don't have to change the descriptions. But I did have to add a bit of the after effects (increase of heart beat, etc but the illusions were right on! lucky me). I did read a fanfic bout Himchan and heroin though, and damn it's so scary. read it here because I love her descriptions. I tried being more descriptive but well idk. I'll try harder next time!!

Nadhrah's blog post was just aww btw :') nothing to say bout JB other than I got new t-shirts and a sweater!! so cute. I have no idea how to style it with a tudung though lol I guess I have to berjinak-jinak pakai tudung lilit-lilit tu (my Malay came out lol). and I had a nice swim at the hotel swimming pool... although I kinda wish I swam a bit more. it's just that I felt a little lonely. loved the exercise though. I can say that I suck at every sport there is out there other than swimming.

Well hope you liked the story! Tell me if I should put it somewhere (LJ, AFF, dA). I'm gonna post it on TSU and see the response before I post the rest. Thank you so much for following! I think this is gonna be the last fanfic for 2012. Too many other things to do >< Any other opinion is welcomed! Thanks again!

Friday, December 14, 2012

crying for the wrong reasons.

I preset all the paragraphs on the laptop first ehe. My brother owns the laptop at night so I had to do this quick. So I was watching WGM episodes I missed out this afternoon then at around 4+ I didn't know what to do while waiting for the Melon Music Awards tonight at 6 so I re-watched B.A.P Diary (when they were in Singapore) (#np We Must Be Killers - Mikky Ekko. Sorry just had to this song is so addictive ok I wonder if Teen Wolf have other awesome songs like this ewe). So I finished watching that at around 5.50 and so I just opened the YT streaming link earlier and turns out it was the red carpet =__= (#np Demons - Imagine Dragons this band has a whole album that's totally my taste ok I hate them) so I was like I didn't miss B.A.P did I?? And apparently I spoke too soon because I found the below on itsbap.

I... I don't understand their coordi noona seriously. CHOCOLATE UNNIE WHY. Anyway I also saw the Bullying Prevention thing (my phone reads my mind srsly cuz #np Talk That - Secret) but I was like naaah I'll watch that later gotta concentrate on the awards~ which didn't start until like 30 minutes later. Hambik kau. The owner of the video deleted it T T now I can only look at GIFs on Tumblr but like all I know is Jongup and Zelo's hair looks ugly after being half-dyed black. Or maybe it was the way they styled it lol. (#np Gimme - Whoo oh gawd I think this should be track #18 on my mix CD idk yet.) But as the selcas, Youngjae looks perf <3 didn't see the others yet though /sigh lol ok back to the awards. So it took awhile for it to actually start and the opening was a fcking awesome hip hop collab and like Zelo and Yongguk were high and another two from B.A.P but I missed them ;__; I'll look for cuts later. And omg the amount of Matoki lightsticks near the stage was amazing. A bit further were beautiful silver Beauty (BEAST) lightsticks and well basically those two conquered the audience. So then the below video came out and I started getting nervous when the words "Best Rookie Award" came out.

(#np 6am -Family of the Year) When the announced "Ailee and B.A.P" I just caught "Ailee" so I thought they didn't win but then they stood up and went to stage so I was like they both won? Then a B.A.P song played (Warrior I think lol refer above video) and I was like THEY BOTH WON I laughed when somehow all of them got a chance to talk and by Jongup I was like "laugh I love you too bb but poor Ailee is waiting" then Zelo got teary and I got teary too ;__; not gonna talk bout it cuz if I do I might cry right now. I felt kinda bad too cuz I bet all the Ailee fans were like "OH COME ON WHEN IS AILEE GONNA TALK" Melon should've really just gave it to one person lol. (Btw Melon is a Korean music website where you can buy music and stuff sort of like iTunes except its a website and there's a few more websites similar to it) So then K.Will performed and cry his voice is beautiful then another awards which BEAST and Sistar won (seperately as male and female see Melon you could've done that for rookie too like what) idk what awards it was but congrats to both groups!! Then B.A.P performed and I kept giggling stupidly at their intro video.

Someone said something bout a backstage on Twitter but if it wasn't on itsbap I'll assume a cut does not exist. Anyway I cried halfway through Warrior. Like legit crying. I smiled hard and felt ugly but I was so happy for them. I've supported them since Warrior and I know how hard they've worked and I felt so proud to call myself a BABY. I don't care what haters have to say. B.A.P will always be winners to me, and to all the BABYs out there. Love them so much.

The title is as such because right after B.A.P finished their performance Bakmal came in to ask for the laptop and asked why I was crying he was quite surprised when I told him. Like maybe to a normal person it was ridiculous to cry over a boy band. Maybe I thought it was stupid for all those fangirls who went to Justin Bieber's concert and got caught crying stupidly on camera. Maybe I'm one of those girls now. Maybe I'm stupid to love B.A.P as much to the point of crying for them. But idk. It felt right. I'm their second omma. Their fried tofu. I have a right to cry of joy for them, right? I can't tell the difference anymore.

Anyway, I was happy NOT A SINGLE SM ARTIST attended the awards. It felt like there was at least someone who thinks that their presence is not a fcking presidential ceremony. Heck the biggest name on the red carpet that night was 2NE1, whom I think deserves their fame because they were big rookies too and worldwide they're loved by many, including non KPOP stans. EXO didn't even make it on the nominees because their digital sales sucks l0l take that exotits. I swear even if there's talent in SM they're selling faces not music there. I'm not saying they're music is bad (not at ALL) its just that their face sells and you gotta admit it ok. Even those who bought their albums (esp the limited edition one) said the album packaging sucks cuz it was just like black/white manila card, CD and photocard lol. So wtf? Why SM why?

Wow ok I'm putting too much hate into this. So its currently a tie - EXO, 2. B.A.P, 2. There'll be more award shows in the future, right? Oh well. If not better, B.A.P has proven to be of the same standard with EXO so I'm happy ^^ just an ordinary group, huh exotits? Anyway, still wondering if CNBLUE won best band group but its okay because they've won it before so. One thing I dont like bout Lee Hi is that she broke CNBLUE's record of fastest rookie to win an award on a music show since debut. CNBLUE got it after 14 days of debuting like wow that chic's good to beat that record srsly. Last but not least, I hope Secret gets better soon T T

I forgot umm going to JB tomorrow so I'll work on Part5 during the weekends. I'm coming back on Sunday so hopefully post it that night? Cuz I wanna concentrate on B.A.P's gifts >< gotta finish it quickly and concentrate on school pulak. Sigh okay goodnight bb's will be doing some research tonight.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

we must be killers p4.

The next day, Junhong wasn't greeted with the usual "Hey killer" when he entered the school building. Instead, just as he was about to pass the ground floor washroom, a boy was pushed out, his whole head soaked, liquid dripping from the ends of his hair. He looked up and met Junhong's eyes. Jongup.

Everyone around laughed at the boy who's head got dunked into a toilet bowl. Jongup wasn't able to do anything before a tall boy from the washroom pushed him hard enough for him to land on the lockers by the sides of the hallway. The tall boy - a footballer, proud in his varsity, probably sophmore year - took notice of the killer's presence and sneered.

"Look who's here to save his boyfriend," he mocked. Junhong's eyes ran from the footballer to Jongup to the people around to the floor. For the first time, he felt flustered. Maybe it was the fact that someone else was involved, someone he cared about. And it was all his fault.

The footballer pulled Junhong by the collar and threw him next to Jongup. "You guys look good together," he told. Jongup tried to stand up, a strong will to go against the bully still burning in him. He didn't let it burn. He washed off the flame with a punch across Jongup's cheek, his head hitting a lock. He placed his hand on the injured area, feeling a warm liquid gush out.

"Gays!" "They should kiss!" "Hey, I'll vote for you guys as Prom Gay Princes! Not!" they laughed and sneered. The footballer came to push the two's lips together, but they held strong. Soon, a teacher came out to see what all the ruckus was about, and the footballer managed to knock the two by the foreheads before walking away, as if nothing happened.

Seeing that the hallway silenced and everyone had rushed to their hallrooms, the teacher retreated back to his room. The two stood up and went to their respective hallrooms without a word. They knew things were going to get worse.

And it did. Jongup's cut needed five stitches. His friends started islonating him; moving tables whenever he came to theirs at recess, pretending he didn't ask for the answer of that equation in Algebra. And Junhong's nicknames grew from 'killer' to 'fag'. Other than that, the bullyings were just as bad as they had been.

"First, you kill. Then you become a homo. What a waste of life."

Then take it. Please. These words ran through Junhong's mind every time those boys came to him and grabbed him at the strands of hair on top of his head, but he never spoke them. He never said what was in his mind, even before, but this time he had a reason not to. He can't die. If he died, Jongup would be alone.

They tried to not see each other, or else the bullyings would be worse. Jongup rarely gets bullied, just left to suffer the glares and whispers whenever he walked by alone. They wouldn't meet at the back gate, instead whoever came earlier would just walk first, slowly, hoping the other would catch up when they were at a safe radius away from school. Whenever they see each other, they would smile. They couldn't smile any other time of the day, and the only time they were happy was when they had each other. So wordless, they would walk home together until they reach the cross road, smiling, waving goodbye, hoping they would be stronger for tomorrow. At least Junhong wasn't alone anymore. Even if it hurt him, at least he had Jongup.

"Hey, you free tonight?" Jongup asked one day.

"Naah, I gotta clip my nails then I have a date with my bed," Junhong replied, the sarcasm hidden well.

"Funny," Jongup smiled. Junhong laughed at his own humour. "Dude, seriously. Come over tonight. Wanna show you something."

Junhong rarely goes over to Jongup's house. Never at night. Although it wasn't hard for him to sneak out - he always went out for a walk before he met Jongup, muttering depressing cursings to himself - he was still considering whether he really wanted to.

"Just... don't do anything to me," Junhong told. Jongup laughed.

"Beware, I'm gonna kill the killer in his sleep," Jongup sneered. Junhong didn't mean it that way, but he thought better than to tell the elder what he was actually thinking about. They reached the cross section and Jongup waved slightly.

"See you tonight, fag."

"Later, homo!"


You know what's annoying? Typing in code language. Manually.
The song above is loves okay. Trying to find track #18 for the mix CD but my taste in music is so depressing I'm pulling myself down, even when there's nothing to be depressed about. Sigh idek.

Anyway, the next part needs a bit of research and since I have no idea myself how I'm gonna write beware of getting a headache as you read it. Gonna take some time, but I'm glad this is finally ending. Need to concentrate on finishing the gifts for Jongup and send it by next week. I'm just scared he won't be able to get it by GDA.

So yeah. Hope its okay.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

We must be killers p3.

Okay let's do this shit.


Jongup was a sophmore, Junhong found out. He didn't know a lot of people when he first moved to their school. He was better at making friends than Junhong was, though. Things were easy for him.

Their walk back home had always been small talk. Junhong would tell Jongup what he thought about the boy who threw his lunch into Junhong's face and Jongup would mention that hot girl in his Chemistry class. Junhong tried asking the older why he was always there everyday to walk with him. Jongup wasn't very informative though.

"Just 'cause," was his answer. "This is the road I take back home anyway."

"You're... not trying to be friends with me, are you?"

"Aren't we?" He glanced at the taller, looking surprised. When Junhong didn't say anything, he looked back to the road in front of him and answered himself, "Guess not."

Jongup started stepping on dried leaves, killing the silence. Junhong noticed he'd do this whenever he was bored.

"I-if you wanna be friends..." Junhong started. Crunch.

"Hm?" Jongup mumbled, his concentration mostly on finding dried leaves.

"I guess we're friends..." Junhong concluded. He was still awkward at making conversations, since he hadn't had a friend since kindergarten.

Crunch. "You sure?" Jongup asked. His eyes was still on the road. The leaves. Crunch.

"Yea... you're my friend, Jongup."

Jongup smirked. He looked at the younger. "Probably your only one."

And he was. Jongup made Junhong smile after years of suffering. He didn't exactly stop the bullying or talk to Junhong in the corridors. But when Jongup noticed the younger had a cut, he would drop a plaster into Junhong's locker. Junhong knew it was from Jongup, because it was always the same as the first one he got - a little worn out a tad bit too sticky, flesh coloured, although a bit too dark for Junhong's pale skin. But it always made Junhong feel even the littlest bit better. Like someone actually cared.

"Killing spree!" one of the jocks shouted one day before the last bell rang. Teachers were out for an emergency meeting, and Junhong was sitting in his class, dozing off when suddenly the door opened and a few juniors came in. A blonde one - the same person who beat him at the parking lot on the first week of school - went over to Junhong and grabbed him by the collar. He was choked out of class, smashed to a locker and trapped by a circle of well-built junior years.

"Time for a killing spree, killer," the blonde told, his face an inch away from Junhong's, breath smelling like the tuna sandwich he had for lunch. "This time, you're the victim."

Punches were thrown and when Junhong fell to the floor, everyone joined in to give the 'killer' a kick. Crowds starting coming over, chanting and laughing. "Killer. Killer. Killer."

"Come and give the killer the punishment he deserves!" the blonde called. Now everyone of the same floor - some from the upper and lower classes, those who got texts from their friends and those who followed out of curiosity - were coming over. Junhong saw Jongup. He didn't do anything. There was a sense of hurting in his eyes - like he didn't want this to happen, but he couldn't do anything. Jongup came to see if Junhong was still alive, and left wordlessly back to his class.

"You deserve this, killer," the blonde tattered at Junhong. He accepted it, but deep inside he knew he didn't deserve it. Soon, the chaos was ended by a teacher. Everyone went back to their classes, like animals going back to their nests. When the teacher saw the victim was Junhong, he helped the boy up and told him to walk it off.

"You know it'll never end. Just... wash up, walk it off."

Junhong looked at his reflection. There were more cuts than he had ever had at once. He felt numb. The same numb feeling he had felt before he met Jongup. Cold, stale blood from his bleeding gums. It didn't matter. Nothing did. He'd rather die than think anything mattered.

The last bell rung. Junhong spat the blood in his mouth into the sink below him. When he walked out of the school gates, Jongup was there waiting for him.

"I almost thought you really were dead," he joked. Junhong ignored him. They started walking. "That's a lot of cuts. I don't have any plasters right now, wanna come over to my house? I got a whole stock there."

"Are you really my friend?" Junhong asked. Jongup looked up. Their footsteps slowed, the two looking at each other in the eyes. Junhong didn't keep the gaze and walked faster.

"What do you mean?" Jongup asked, acting innocent as he caught up with the younger.

"Do friends really let each other get hurt?" Junhong said it as if it wasn't the whole school who was bullying him. It sounded like a small thing, like someone stealing his friend's girlfriend. Jongup didn't know what to say.

"It was out of my hands," he started. "You know I c--"

"Well look at what we have here."

The two turned around and saw the same jocks who lead today's 'killing spree' smirking at them. They froze as the juniors approached them. Blood drained out of Jongup's face. He was really dead now.

"The killer found a gay friend... How sweet," the blonde jeered. He towered at Jongup. "Getting chummy with the freshie, ey?"

Jongup didn't say anything. They didn't have to and things would still end up the same. The blonde pushed Jongup and he fell on his bottom. The blonde stepped on his chest, smudging the dirt all the way up to his face. "Well, a friend of a killer must be a killer too."

The blonde bent down and whispered, "You're gonna regret ever talking to him."

With that, the junior years walked away. One pushed Junhong, half-expecting him to fall but didn't do anything when the younger stood his stance. When they left, Junhong went to help Jongup up. The older wiped the dirt away with his sleeve. Wordless, they started walking.

When they reached the cross section, Junhong finally spoke up. "I'm sorry."

"Naah, it's not your fault," Jongup told as he turned his corner. "Plus, I don't do regrets. Not my thing."


Had a lot of help from Kak Ain. Seriously she gives awesome advice. She said she only did so because she felt like it tonight. Meaning that I probably won't be getting anymore advice from her /sigh. I really need an unnie to help me with these sort of things. See it from a more proffesional side, ya know? Not just for the sake of entertainment. Not that your opinions don't matter, of course. You're the target audience lol. But from the marketing section, would you guys be able to tell if my stories would be successful? No, right? That's why it matters. I don't wanna grow up doing something I don't like, and I really like writing. I love it. Why can't I do that?
Okay sorry running away from topic. Trying to avoid listening to We Must Be Killers these days. Gotta save all that for the last few parts >< yes I'm still on my phone. So far I wrote all of them on my phone, edited on the laptop. My thumb's getting muscles lol. Hope you guys are liking it! Feedback is much appreciated. Thanks!

P.S, there were a few words I weren't sure of, like getting 'chummy' I thought it was 'cummy' but then we all know what cum is. Tweet me if its a whole different word! Thanks!! Love you guys ^^ ALL OF YOU ARE GOING TO MY THANK YOU SECTION IN MY FIRST BOOK WAIT NO ALL MY BOOKS <3