Monday, December 3, 2012

how bout.


why don't we bring all the writer's-blocked people out there together and plan out one awesome story that will attack the world
or the cyber world your choice but well yea.

I wanted to do the plague thing. I had an idea but I couldn't really write it because of lack of information. I wanted to repair Mask but I couldn't think of good dialogues to fill in the empty spaces. I also just thought of another story where I had a good beginning, but then I didn't know what the story would amount to. like, by the end of the story people would like "so.... what's you point" like that.
then Fern has an ending figured and I thought, I bet there's a whole bunch of writers out there who has parts of a story figured out but couldn't put the pieces together or even find them. I'm sure there's some sort of writers community out there somewhere on the net, but I just don't have the confidence to enter them, if I found them. Because they could be a lot better than I am. They could look down on me. They could put high expectations on me that I couldn't meet.

Speaking of expectations, I didn't practice the piano today. I went to tuition though. I wanted to practice before tuition but I got lost on Tumblr again. I'm here right now because apparently it's on over-capacity. Honestly I don't know what I'm doing with life.

I wonder if people who have perfect faces just let their faces be and it will just stay that way or they had a load of chemicals dumped on their faces to make it that perfect.
I have a bad complexion for a fact. Everyday I look at my face in the mirror and feel like crying. Why is it so ruined? What did I do to myself? I feel the same way when in Science we learn about eyesight defectives and wonder about all the people around me who don't wear glasses or contacts and think how I was so careless to not have cared well enough for my eyesight that every time I changed glasses my power increases. It's the same with my skin. I wonder why I had to pick all those zits and worst of all how did all those zits come from? Mom said it was because I daydream too much. Is it really true? Is it because my raging hormones? Is it simply because I think too much? Is it because I don't take care of my skin? I cleanse my skin. Sometimes even just because it's oily, I'm not even going out and I'm like "oh wow my skin's feeling oily maybe I should wash it a little" and fate turns for me and the zits continue to grow healthily on my face.

At desperate times I tend to squeeze them out, because I'm going for a special event and I didn't wanna look bad. It affects me in the sense that it leaves a scar. A black spot there on my face. Permanent. And sometimes it continuously bleeds for days, after I take a shower and scrubbed my face a bit too hard it starts bleeding again. I'm sorry if it's too much information but this is what happens and it slowly hurts me. So I've decided I won't squeeze out any zit that appears on my face ever again. It can happen by accident, like when I'm taking a shower but never just for the sake of it. I'll let them die out by itself, slowly but safely.
But admit it. After awhile those zits grow a bit too big and people do notice and they do get disgusted. Boils are disgusting. My face is disgusting. So ashamed.

Sometimes, there are reasons to why I don't wanna go out of the house. Reasons more than Korean boys and Tumblr.

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