Monday, February 25, 2013

between the two.


just read Eva's blog and isn't it funny? how we're stuck between being an adult and being a child again. and it's funny but true, what she said about not minding to work and stuff but she doesn't wanna do it alone.

I always feel stuck between being a realist and wanting to do things my way and not how other people expect from me or anyone else my age to be like. for one, I like being different. but also I guess because time passes by so quickly and those happy memories seem like such small fragments in the past and you just wish you could stay in those fragments forever but you know it has passed and there's no way going back to it and feeling whatever you've felt at that time. and you're scared that in the future, that feeling won't come ever again. scared that what's coming is only the worst.

or is it just me?

I downloaded almost the whole The Perks of Being a Wallflower OST and the eleventh out of twelve tracks is the audio of the last line in the movie - Charlie's Last Letter. I try not to listen to it too much, or else the 'ecstasy' in doing so will lose out. does it make sense? but well I listened to it just now and the words chosen to write those last few lines even when I read the book were so beautiful. "you made not feel alone. because I know there are people who say all these things don't happen. and there are people who forget what it's like to be sixteen when they turn seventeen and all these will be stories some day and our pictures will become old photographs and we'll all become somebody's mom and dad. but right now, these moments are not stories. this is happening. and I am here and I am looking at her, and she is so beautiful. " I only wrote until there because I'm afraid the ecstasy will lose out if I share it too. you need to know it.
I guess that's also a reason I want Jongup to watch that movie so much. And if he did, I hope he felt what I feel. and if not him, then I hope the person I was made for watched it and felt what I feel. and one of those days I can think about these days and suddenly remember about that movie that emotionally affected me so much and I decide to ask him if he watched that movie and he will say he did and I'll ask him if he remembers the tunnel song and if he does I'll tell him to sing it and he'll say he doesn't have a nice voice so he just hums it for me and if he doesn't remember I'll say out the title (Heroes) and the singer (David Bowie) and he'll say "ah~" remembering it slowly and we'll sit there and remember our infinite days quietly to ourselves and in that moment without even a word, time will freeze.

That's the fairy tale I wish for. No quartet accompanying his proposal, no honeymoon in Paris, no diamond rings and designer handbags. Just someone.

I ran out of topic. That's too far away in the future.
Well, aren't we all thinking too much of the near future? Worrying. It's not wrong, is it?

Just now there was a lot of free periods and we talked about our old crushes. Naquiah had the sweetest and saddest story ever. At least, it was sweet and sad for ten year olds. I kinda miss having a crush. I don't think I'll be seeing much of GSG this week, since we have road run this Saturday so I'll have to skip tuition. I typed out some things but well talking about someone builds affection. I feel like there are things I wanna say but I don't know how. I guess that's why I started writing but now I can't. I don't understand why. But then again, how can I write a fanfic about my life? I go to a girl's school and have girly feelings and all my 'characters' are guys lol. plus I hate writing about my life. it's seems so tacky.

I'll try to brainstorm something out. for now, I should stop thinking so much about life and just finish my freaking homework.

P.S, editing seems like such a fun activity these days I hate myself

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