Sunday, February 17, 2013

spur of the moment.

Ah, this is so noisy...
Yes, I know it's 1am...
Just leave me alone...

But I'm not even sleepy.

My thumb tapped the screen of my phone knowingly, and the alarm went off. The song "Run" by Daughter reaches its climax and as the singer sings 'run' over and over again the fireworks outside kept blasting in the background. How annoying, I thought, my eyes fluttering open. What a nap. It wasn't much, being disturbed by mom once and the lights above me bright. I remember not even being sleepy when I decided I'd rest my eyes for an hour and a half before fully preparing for school tomorrow, unlike most of my friends whom I see crowding my timeline about how they're almost done with whatever crap they have left to do.

I don't even want to start.

I roll in my bed, the sheets covering my legs in an unorganized manner. I still have that English essay to edit. Or maybe I don't have to anymore. I didn't even try those add-maths questions. I don't want to. I don't know it. Maybe if I tried I would, but I don't want to bother. My eyes shut again. I rolled over and woke my laptop from its hibernation.

Lying down, the first thing I did was check itsbap. New pictures. Whatever. Email. Facebook. Tumblr. Twitter. deviantArt. Whatever else that I could've (possibly not, but who cares) gotten new notifications from. Looks like the world survived without me for one hour and a half.

I lied in my bed, wondering "What do I do now." The song Youth started playing so I sat up. I looked at my laptop and browsed through itsbap, remembering my failed story as I see pictures of Daehyun walking outside the broadcast station of yet another music show, I can't remember which. I can't seem to keep track of what they wear everyday. Nothing much. More pictures. A fancam. I closed the window, thinking I'll save the pictures through my phone.

"We are the reckless, we are the wild youth."

I looked a hazy part of my bedroom. English essay. BRATs. Kem Perdana. Save B.A.P pictures. Add maths. Physics lab report. Letter to Jongup. Nadhrah's mix CD. Realism sketch. Uniform. Blue house. Piano practice. Tuition money. Parents.

Something went by my mind that I thought, why didn't I think this before? No, I've thought of it but I had an answer. But not tonight. Somehow, tonight, I'm just floating between existence. There is no answer to this question that passed by like just another train in a vast city; What do I live for?

Out.
P.S, this struck me that much that I felt like writing about it. It was just a little bit, now that I'm thinking about I might find some answers but I won't babble on because that'll just ruin the moment. My mind can't seem to shut up, huh?

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