Thursday, July 18, 2013

the fans.

A dumb comic I made out of reality. Ika brought EXO photocards to school on Monday and Naquiah and I decided to fawn over the boys. I said that I didn't like Sehun solely because I'm really not into his poyo face but I felt like Naquiah purposely said something bad about Kai because she didn't like the fact that I bashed Sehun haha. Girls.

I thought about it and I smiled to myself thinking about how out of all things that happened this week, I chose this topic to post here. Well, things are going along dandy. I got the album I bought in February (five months of waiting for it and I got a Jongup photocard!!! totally worth it) and my story got published in the newspaper. It's been a proud week but I feel like I'm falling behind study wise. I haven't been doing much of my homework since we've been stuck in the hall for a few days now so classes don't go on as usual. It's been pretty relaxed. I feel like I should continue my own studies but I'm like writing fanfics and stuff which makes me feel bad.

The continuous "I'll start studying for real next week" is kinda sickening and I wish I could just push all this away but I can't. I'll try.

Friday, July 12, 2013

for now.

what is this feeling?

go away.

I start every day feeling emotionless and suddenly at night I'm filled with emotions that I can't comprehend.

I avoid you. what are you doing? you probably don't care. you probably notice and if you don't I'd be really sad. but I think you do. but I don't really mind on your actions about it. it's okay. it's what I expected. you're not one to ask about these stuff.
I want to talk to you but I don't want to? I want to ask you so many things but I don't want to annoy you with me I's and me's and not bother asking about you because I'm not really sure what to ask? I'm not curious. or at least, I feel like if you wanted to tell me something you would've. but you didn't. and that's okay. but it makes me feel bad when our conversations consists of mostly me's and I try so hard to include you's but I'm just that selfish, I guess.
what am I to do? when you expect me to be a good daughter and when I do it gets overshadowed for when I'm not being a good daughter no matter how small the issue is it will always overshadow the good things. I could be as ignorant and rude as I always felt like being but I hold that back and yet you still can't see it?

it just feels like a rush of emotions especially when there are these thoughts that I can't say and there are those moments when I feel so happy and so thankful for what I have. it's all mixed up and I can't choose one certain thing to feel but feeling so many things is so overwhelming and it's so confusing.

things.. are so mixed up.. time.. what is time? if I ask for more.. I clearly haven't been learning from my readings.. readings.. read.. I've been reading so much.. writing, slightly more than usual.. stacked with homework and facts that I decided I should recite every time I have a void in my thoughts... heat released is used to overcome the force of attraction.. Cr2O7- + 14H+ + 6e -> Cr2+3 + 7H2O... sebab-sebab pilihanraya diadakan adalah... things.. things to remember..

the zits on my face are countless and I feel like I shouldn't bother because this is how it's probably gonna be until after SPM. I'm tired. six more months. then, I can do something new. go away. travel. write as much as I can. play, draw as much as I can. cook and bake and eat. read, read and read some more. play music, over and over again with comfortable earphones in bed without constant reminders to study. this six months, I will hold up for the taste of freedom.