Friday, July 12, 2013

for now.

what is this feeling?

go away.

I start every day feeling emotionless and suddenly at night I'm filled with emotions that I can't comprehend.

I avoid you. what are you doing? you probably don't care. you probably notice and if you don't I'd be really sad. but I think you do. but I don't really mind on your actions about it. it's okay. it's what I expected. you're not one to ask about these stuff.
I want to talk to you but I don't want to? I want to ask you so many things but I don't want to annoy you with me I's and me's and not bother asking about you because I'm not really sure what to ask? I'm not curious. or at least, I feel like if you wanted to tell me something you would've. but you didn't. and that's okay. but it makes me feel bad when our conversations consists of mostly me's and I try so hard to include you's but I'm just that selfish, I guess.
what am I to do? when you expect me to be a good daughter and when I do it gets overshadowed for when I'm not being a good daughter no matter how small the issue is it will always overshadow the good things. I could be as ignorant and rude as I always felt like being but I hold that back and yet you still can't see it?

it just feels like a rush of emotions especially when there are these thoughts that I can't say and there are those moments when I feel so happy and so thankful for what I have. it's all mixed up and I can't choose one certain thing to feel but feeling so many things is so overwhelming and it's so confusing.

things.. are so mixed up.. time.. what is time? if I ask for more.. I clearly haven't been learning from my readings.. readings.. read.. I've been reading so much.. writing, slightly more than usual.. stacked with homework and facts that I decided I should recite every time I have a void in my thoughts... heat released is used to overcome the force of attraction.. Cr2O7- + 14H+ + 6e -> Cr2+3 + 7H2O... sebab-sebab pilihanraya diadakan adalah... things.. things to remember..

the zits on my face are countless and I feel like I shouldn't bother because this is how it's probably gonna be until after SPM. I'm tired. six more months. then, I can do something new. go away. travel. write as much as I can. play, draw as much as I can. cook and bake and eat. read, read and read some more. play music, over and over again with comfortable earphones in bed without constant reminders to study. this six months, I will hold up for the taste of freedom.


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