Wednesday, December 10, 2014

mix & match.

Ah, just as I did with WIN, I delayed watching this due to education but have ran a marathon and finished 8 episodes in 24 hours. The first episode I started off like last week in attempt to procrastinate studying. Anyway, of course I have my comments but there's not as many as I do to say how INCREDIBLY TALENTED EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE SHOW IS AND I CANNOT IMAGINE BEING IN THEIR POSITION BECAUSE I WOULD BREAK. BREAK.

Of course, I'm just thankful that the original Team B members are all in iKON but the new additional member was a surprise when I first got to know the new trainees because I thought Jinhyung looked like he had more potential and Chanwoo was just a child actor wanting to be a singer? Also because he looked like Yunhyung, I really didn't expect him to get in lol is that a valid reason? Soon though, I found out why people voted for him. He was a quick learner and competed with the original members and were lovable at the same time. Although, watching this show makes me see so much beauty in people; I cried with every member, even Hongseok, the one whom I questioned the purpose of from the beginning. I honestly like all of them so much like sometimes I go HANBIN YOU'RE SUCH AN AWESOME LEADER BUT YOU CAN BE A TOTAL DORK TOO and then another time BOBBY YOU'RE SO DUMB HAHAHA and then JINHWAN OH MY GOD YOU ARE KILLING ME YOU--- STOP.

Yunhyung is the supportive hyung; the way he made Jinhyung more confident on stage was sooo cry worthy and the fact that he treats Chanwoo like his own dongsaeng-- ugh, my heart. Donghyuk's so brave and so passionate, it broke my heart when he did that dance flawlessly without anyone even knowing he injured himself and then his mother saw his ankle brace and started crying? Yeah, same ahjumma. The thing about Donghyuk and Yunhyung is that they didn't really stand out during WIN because there were so many talented people that they were overshadowed.
Jinhyung's awesome too, his voice is heart-eyes worthy, he's super cute and I really hope he debuts in a good group so that he can express his inner-variety some more. Hongseok, like he said himself is so straight forward and he's really truthful to himself and about his feelings. That time when he got scolded by Hanbin for not practicing and said he hated that Hanbin was right? It hit me so hard. At first I didn't really like him; he felt like an intruder and didn't fit in well music wise. But in other senses I can see he knew he wasn't gonna get a position in iKON anyway and just tried to be a good friend to the others. And Chanwoo's just a nice boy and a quick learner - the one that everyone can easily love, seriously. Who doesn't like Chanwoo man. He's so nice.

Now, on with my favorite performances. I'll say it now; it's hard picking one or two from each episode because I think most of the performances are flawless like they do better than groups that had already debuted?? YG artists are all so quality haih. If you guys want to see other performances from the same episode, they should be on the channels of the videos below. I only used 2 channels so it should be easy to find the other teams' performances. Vocals tend to be shaky at times, but imagine this; most debuted groups just lip sync. Okay, moving on.

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5 (this performance and the next one is actually the ones that score the lowest but I genuinely enjoyed their performance more than the others so.)

Episode 6

Episode 8

(this below is the show version, which I don't really like because of the excessive camera work)

(this is the one (?) camera version where you can see the dance better as a group, but the song of the 2nd part of the routine was changed due to copyright)

If you wanna see my favourite WIN performances, click here.
I don't really have expectations, because I already know they're talented and where they're going depends on YG. In comparison to WINNER though, they have a more varied amount of talent, meaning their possibilities are more than WINNER's. whatever it is, I'll be anticipating their debut. About Jinhyung and Hongseok... Hongseok will find his place somewhere better for him, for sure. He doesn't need to be in YG to succeed because he's got a wonderful voice. Jinhyung is young and has a lot of potential so a lot of companies would wanna recruit him too, also his group will gain popularity thanks to Mix & Match so he's an advantage. thing is, the fact that they got into this show had already got the ball rolling for them and they should be grateful for that.

My favorite member? None. I like them all. I like Junhwae, Donghyuk and Chanwoo a bit less than the others but I can't pick between the four; they're all perf.

Friday, October 17, 2014

being old.

I'm eighteen and I'm already crying at this video. What is there left to expect from life?!?!?

Sunday, September 14, 2014


I fall in love with people.

Okay, this is cheesy, but I fall in love with the idea of people. I just don't like admitting it because I don't want to be seen as gullible. That's the problem. Humans can be so fascinating on the outside that you can completely fall head over heels oceans deep in love with them without even really knowing them at all.

I'm a sucker okay I'm a sucker when it comes to people men or women they're equally attractive to me although of course ehem I find men much more attractive. I'd use the word irresistible if I had to. From the way they look to the way they laugh to the way they hesitate in answering that spontaneous question during their presentation. I'd find something to relate to their actions to 'cute', at least. My classmates are terrible victims to this, even when they don't know it. I think I've labeled all of them cute at least once in this entire two months. Some of them, more than once. and some, several times. those people should hide from me right now because I've probably dug deep about you. probably crushed on you too. And I've got like 9 male classmates. terrible situation for me. probably crushed on like half of them.

the reason I'm writing this (and also suddenly reviving this dead blog) is because I need to get my head out of something. out of this infatuation. I have to forget about him - I have to stop thinking about how all the boys I've given more than five sentences in a chat app to were the highest degree of 'affection' I could ever get. I sigh at myself as I romanticize every decent boy I meet. It's terrible, being this naive and yet having some sort of intelligence to figure out I'm stupidly naive. it's a push and pull between myself - "oh man he's so cute and perfect and I want him to be mine" "shut up elyna he has no special feelings for you" "he hates me and i know it look at how he looks at me in comparison to other girls" "you're over thinking again he doesn't think twice about you you're just another girl he neither hates nor loves you" "gosh he's so nice he said hi to me first i think i might marry this gu---" "OH MY GOD ELYNA YOU CANNOT BE THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AT EIGHTEEN YOU'VE GOT A MILLION GUYS TO GO THROUGH STOP THIS"

and yet, how do I know that I've got a million more guys to come? I'm eighteen years old and I can't count the amount of crushes I had with my fingers but if my fingers were the amount of relationships I've been in since I was born I would be a powerpuff girl. that's how miserable it is to be me. they say the time will come but it's so lonely, it really is. those nights I want to lie in bed and hide under sheets I wish there would be someone to hug me from behind me and kiss the top of my head. it's so weird that an introverted person would want someone to be alone with them. it's like, I don't to be around people all the time, and yet I want to be surrounded by presence. sometimes I walk out of class for no real reason and just feel the presence of everyone around and pretend I don't exist. but yet I know I do so I don't fully feel the security to people-watch. although sometimes people ignore my existence and that's cool. they don't have to cover up around me.

it's weird. wanting to just notice other people, and yet wishing I was living some sort of exciting life. it's dull, to be the observer. I had a crush on someone who had a girlfriend once. even after awhile I check out his twitter. once, long after I've gotten over him, he posted a picture of him and his girlfriend and I broke down. I figured it wasn't that I wanted to be with that boy, but I wanted my own picture, with my own boy. it's terrible. it's miserable.

sorry if this wasn't very inspiring nor informative. I'm just feeling very down - waiting for my current crush to email our group project's last draft. see, get to know, like, break yourself, get over it, repeat cycle. I'll get to you guys when the cycle stops.


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

a blast from the past.

ahhh, I remember now... even when I was twelve you would find me writing something on a piece of scrap paper torn from the middle of an exercise book when idle... I haven't changed much - you can still find me staring off into space, my hand cradling my chin as I think of possible scenes in my life or in the life of my fictional characters and write and rewrite and rewrite them in my head. how can I possibly explain how much I love writing? it's the only way I can express myself.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

a somewhat sad post about turning eighteen.

I turned eighteen a few hours ago.
Okay it might not have been a few; in the United States time I was born around 2AM and that makes it 2PM Malaysian time at that moment and 2PM right now is about five hours ago so is that counted as a few? The English language is funny; we say "a couple of" when we could've said "two" in the sake of making things sound fancy. why waste our breath for an extra three syllables? but this is the culture we live in.

Anyway, by the time I turned 18, I had a driving license. I had an idea of where I was going to further my studies (I'm waiting for what Allah SWT has planned for me to come). My family is in a somewhat peaceful state (at least no one is arrested at this moment). And I'm not getting myself into trouble. I am in peace with people I know. No grudges. No unhappy ways.
But I don't seem to feel fulfilled.

This might be just me being whiny about wanting to have a sense of belonging in this world again, like I did a few months ago - the phase before I got a job and after my South Korea trip - as if I have no purpose in life and everything would be fine if I wasn't around. My friends were all celebrating my turning of age and I was there lying on the sofa across the room like, what is there to celebrate? Nothing will get better just because I'm legal now. Things are just the same. If you compare between after our schooling years before our 18th birthday and after our birthday, we are treated the same. it's as if, if we never turned 18 that will be fine; we're not in school anymore anyway. so what makes the difference?

I think, in many ways it's affected by our backgrounds too. probably, a person who has to be independent, in maybe a situation where he/she has no guardians to support or take care of her - that person will need this 'legality' to have a job, to do official 'adult' things themselves. but being the privileged town girl that I am I don't feel the sense of independence. not yet. I'm still that girl who needs to be guided by her parents here and there; the girl who needs someone to drive her to a certain place because she doesn't know the way; the girl who eats food provided by responsible guardians and not with her own hard earned money, no matter how much she has made working part time (it wasn't like she needed it anyway; it's just for the experience and to fill in her time).
all this makes me wonder if all privileged town girls like me feel this way - as if there's nothing to celebrate when they turn 18. where are the unicorns of turning legal? I've always felt a bit too matured for my age anyway. I talk about serious stuff while 20 year olds still joke about poop. my brother congratulated me and welcomed me into 'the club'. what is there to discover in this club of theirs? what are the realities that legal adults know that we don't? is there anything to discover? or is it still too early to realize them?

so if any of you fascinates about turning legal this year or any time at all; don't be. mental age does not come with your years. even if you're twenty five and still have the mind of a sixteen year old there is no point to being an adult. sure, there are limits to underaged people, but keep in mind that when you come to the point of being able to do them, you would probably have other priorities. a person can feel 40 years old when they were 17, and another would feel 15 at the age of 68. and being an adult, does not at all, give you a sense of freedom. some say if your soul is free, there is nothing that can stop you. but I'm being realistic here guys - some cages you just can't escape. not when the time is not right.


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

unpopular opinions.

I'm always trying to put a different idea out there, aren't I? always having opinions about something but no one gives a fuck. well imma put it up anyway because one day I'll be looking up my old blog posts (like I am nowadays) and be like "oh, I was really passionate about this back then lol ideky" but at least I had opinions, ya know, rather than just going with everyone else thinks. Plus, it's not like anyone reads this blog anyway so when someone go like "everyone has opinions, you don't exactly have to state it out, it's not important" but NO I've been talking to myself for too long I can't stand it anymore I gotta put it up somewhere in hopes someone will read it. It's open for the public to read, so why not? when they don't it's not like I haven't tried to reach out.

Anyway let's get to the opinions. I'm just gonna start rambling. To start it off I'll mention the fact that Baekhyun (EXO) and V (BTS) met up as 'appa and son' on Inkigayo the other day and there were pictures of them supporting each other's albums. In their faces I traced their smiles being forced. Or maybe it's just me to see people and think they're being pretentious. V gives the effort to put up a smile but Baekhyun barely holds it up with a smile and had to have fantakens to post up the picture unlike V who had it on their twitter. doesn't make the difference. that's them and at least they're making the effort to appear friendly.
But the fans. someone (I went to the profile and it's not even an EXO stan, it was a Queen) posted up a picture of Baekhyun holding BTS's Skool Luv Affair and saying "Baekhyun taking out the trash". who the fuck would think that that was a good idea? then another fan (I think it was a BABY but I'm not sure because the profile picture was irrelevant) quoted it saying "more like Baekhyun being graced by real music for the first time" which was like SNAAPP GURLL. I love sassy fans. they're the ultimate goal, seriously.

going back to music, yes, BTS recently feels like the most 'real' lately, with their tough-school kids concept and preaching in their album tracks. of course, like the album title suggests, there were more love songs than usual but this was a longer album, I think. the first two were like, minis with less than ten songs but this one had about 11? 12? I just heard it last night. my favourite tracks was probably the intro, the second cypher and Tomorrow. anyway I've been watching their performance of Boy In Luv and I was actually kinda disappointed. I think Jimin was the least enthusiastic about at least making the lip-sync look real. second least was V but it was only during the 'stutter' part. I think only the rap sounded live? Suga's sounded most live. J-Hope sounded mostly lip-synced. he didn't miss any parts that he was supposed to do it live, but the music was loud enough to see that it was quite bad. some BTS stans themselves said it looked quite bad. I know they probably wanted to concentrate on the choreography, and they don't have any real singers in their group but then why bother putting in so many singing lines in the first place? the high pitch notes are really unnecessary. the chorus doesn't even have to sound so melodious. have you guys heard Block B? the chorus just sounds a lot like Zico, and it's still good. the singing lines aren't extravagant (except for Taeil's high pitch parts, of course but he's like an actual, good vocalist) hence they sound real and easy to sing live. make it easy for your vocalists - give them parts they can actually do. or else make them train to make it sound good.
because I like them - I like them for their awesome, sick raps, and I like them for their sick moves, but they lack vocals and it seems like they're just trying to cover it up so much that it just puts off a lot of people.

moving away from that topic, Block B is really a group I admire, but I can't say I love them because not all their tracks get to me, but Zico had been a good influence to me, in my opinion. he's a strong guy and he speaks his mind through his music and he is pure about wanting to share his music and what he believes is important. I just wanted to state that out, while in the topic.

I don't wanna say that all idol rappers who were originally underground rappers have to do this, but I really like it when they make their own mixes. my current favourite is RapMon's Too Much cover. I used to listen to a lot of Zico's works and some of Kyung's. Yongguk had this phase last year, before all the concerts started. but suddenly, he just stopped posting new songs. I was really disappointed because I really liked it. I didn't like all the songs but I felt like he was really sharing the music he likes with his fans and I thought it was an honourable thing. it's a shame that they're so busy lately.
Also, this might be my problem but Yongguk, or B.A.P at least, were the ones who really pushed me into exploring k-hiphop. Block B was a start, but because of them I really opened up to rap music. but the fact that they're now exploring new music genres so that they can attract to more mainstream listeners makes me kinda sad. and I'm not making this up I straight up quoted Yongguk off Simsimtapa. I really would like to see them go back to like, No Mercy era because I think that was catchy and still attract the mainstream listeners because it was fun, it was addictive and it meant something. it had something to say. No Mercy was a really, really good era. and now they're turning back to the topic I like least - love.

recently BtoB released Beep Beep and I gotta say it was quite awful. I mean I guess a lot of KPOP songs needs a few plays before you really like it but I just wasn't digging this one. honestly, BtoB are one of the groups that have so much potential but you keep seeing them drop and drop even more, it's kinda sad. WoW was good. I really like WoW. and I know their first few songs were quite popular too (although not really my favourites). Thriller's rap was a kill. totally loved the rap, but everything else was meh, okay. but Beep Beep just... went down the drain. I'm sorry BtoB. there's something wrong with Cube. they used to make hit groups but now BtoB is suffering while their sunbaes are getting solid grounds for themselves. I feel like Cube is spending a lot of time on maintenance that they forgot they've got an underrated group to bounce back up to the spotlight.

BtoB has a lot of talent, but lack support from their company. VIXX has almost 30% talent but with the right songs and marketing techniques (awesome concepts, reality shows and such) VIXX are seriously getting more and more spotlight lately. but I don't think they've got much talent. their vocals aren't exactly the best, in fact there's a small population that believes that their singing techniques seems to be... wrong? idk. I'm not an expert, but I think that is a good explanation for what I think are their throat voices. most singers I know sing from the stomach (that's what I learned in choir) but if the voice comes from the throat... hence, you get Ken. Ravi isn't all that great neither. I don't think he's a dancer, so what's his main purpose in the group again? the maknae line don't do much neither. I feel like only N is the only one with talent... and I don't think it's really enough to earn the attention they get. their company's really good at marketing them.

lately I keep feeling like accusing people of being pretentious. I don't really understand why. but ya know when EXO won their 1st win on a music show Suho teared up and stuff? I seriously didn't buy it. I wonder who did? I know this sounds so mean I mean yea, they trained for years and they totally deserve it for all their hard work and stuff. I guess I shouldn't judge them by what "seems like" when I don't know what actually happened. I like EXO, I'm okay with them. I don't like their company. they were made to succeed - they were made for both the Korean and Chinese market and 12 people? who wouldn't be excited about that? I like Kai, he's cool. I like D.O, he's cool. Lay's cool, and Baekhyun, although tend to seem a bit cocky, is cool, and so is Chen (extreeemely talented). Xiumin and Luhan seems... okay. The rest? I don't know. Sehun should be put aside just as a model, Kris too, although I'm not really sure how he got there... he's not amazingly talented in dance or rap, and he can't sing... all I can think of is that he can speak multiple languages and his looks, and that in the end is a marketing Chanyeol is good; he's musically able, and he can rap decently, but he's got the celebrity fever. Tao's specialty is martial arts and I still can't believe SM decided to incorporate that with music.  casually, yea maybe but as an idol? why?? and Suho, again wow. there must be a reason he trained for 7 years, right? ya know, he could've done anything he wanted to, coming from Gangnam but in the end he chose becoming an idol... it speaks for itself, honestly. you say that people suffer and work hard to become an idol and you see those who gets through. someone who's more well deserving could've taken Suho's place and possibly provide a better living for his family and maybe actually have incredible talent, too.

anyway as much I want to be okay with EXO and SMent and say they deserve everything they've got... I'd still say no. in comparison to those who deserve it so much more.

I don't know where that was going. I wanted to mention B.A.P too. their aim was never to win a music show, but I guess when you 'target the mainstream audience' you'd want your song to be popular and hence, win. when they did win, there were no tears of joy from all their hard work (because they enjoyed their work) and it was mostly just smiles and awkwardness. if I've known B.A.P long enough, I would say that I know their joy comes from performing. and there's so many assumptions now that I don't even want to point fingers but I wish they're happy. if they are then who am I to judge what they're doing? is that really my job? my job as a fan should be just to want them to be happy. so I'll just stop here.
*edit* I thought of mentioning this, but there had a been a lot of pressure in helping B.A.P win those awards through SNS. with the votings and making accounts on foreign websites and trying to get views for the MV and all that... fans should understand that everyone has their own lives and you can't expect everyone to do as much as you do. just do what you can do. harassing others to do the same isn't nice, and especially since it's open to the public, it'll give a bad name to our fandom.

I had a chat with Ayuni unnie and suddenly I realized that I'm not the only one... who's afraid to see them as reachable... because one day you'll realize that no matter how much you love them they still won't love love you back. but it really does hurt, when they seem so human.

because Daehyun looks so human, so real. he too gets distracted and realizes things. it's, sort of the type of things you don't get to see them be like because you don't see them casually like this.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

someone tagged this as "i find this amusing like they're being sarcastic to the batshit crazy airport fans" but i don't find it amusing at all. in fact it's pretty sad if you feel the need to clap your hands for behaving people.

it comes to say something about people these days...

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Who Am I VS First Sensibility.

okay so this is me being retarded and totally uneducated about the origins of each song and musically unprofessional. but I've been listening to B1A4's Who Am I album and B.A.P First Sensibility album a lot and I find that there's a lot of similarities.

First and foremost this is NOT a plagiarization accusation towards B.A.P (obviously - read sidebars please) but just an observation and I'm doing this based on whatever knowledge I had when I first had this realization just because I want you to feel what I feel (which is basically "OH MY GOD THIS IS TRUE WTF THEY SHOULD GO ON BEATLES CODE!!"). secondly since I'm biased I only know a few songs from the Who Am I album, because that's how it goes if I don't exactly click with a song I download it. thirdly I'd like to claim that I like both groups and had followed them since debut and they are my babies.

okay, now about the album differences. as we all may know, B.A.P is always trying to show a different side and trying new music genres and different styles. hence this album was a bit different and like I said in the review somewhere before this album strongly reminded me of B1A4's style. because B1A4 has their own colour - their songs are always almost similar, with different stories and such. the comment I made before didn't only refer to this album but also their previous albums.
and my comparisons are not fully based on the music, but more of the 'feel' or 'beat' of the song and lyrics. they may not be musically similar at all. they're both full albums, hence has a range of 12-13 songs. for B.A.P, I'll leave out B.A.B.Y since it was technically pre-released (sort of lmao). they both have an intro song, but both with very different styles so I'll also leave those out. both title tracks are sad songs (it's winter after all) but in different styles too.

now let's start of with the album tracks comparisons.

Easy VS Baby

this is pretty basic. both songs talk about breaking up and how they're trying to let go, but they talk honestly to their lover that it's not easy to move on. both songs are considerably slow with a catchy beat. they boys sing in mellow voices. I liked Easy at first listen because of the "gwenchana I'm not ok" part, but later it gets boring, while Baby didn't catch on me at first but later on it gets better and better. I like both. I can't choose they're both really good.

Spy VS Drunk With Music (CNU solo)

both songs about wooing a girl, most probably scenes in a club where the guy eyes the girl and sings in high notes. only difference is B.A.P stalks the girl while CNU actually has the balls to make a move. they're both okay, but I prefer Spy. because, like B.A.P, I have no balls and usually do the stalking game as well. i'm kidding I just actually got put off by CNU's Engrish. umm awkward.

Body & Soul VS Amazing

both songs are talking about sex, in very different ways. while B.A.P is very abusive sensual, telling people to scream their name and talking about touching, ignoring the art subtlety entirely, B1A4 is more discreet by telling the girl she's "amazing" at sex and tells the girl to 'come closer'. but for what exactly? nine year olds will never know. I'd say B1A4 is more of a gentleman and I like Amazing a lot better, not to mention the amount of awkward B.A.P puts me in that song I swear. this topic shall not go further.

Shady Lady VS Yeoppeo

both are songs about appreciating a woman's beauty, telling them not to feel so insecure, both doesn't make me feel any prettier but still, lovely songs. I like both. if you like blood A type guys, you'd like Yeoppeo. if you like blood B type guys, you'd like Shady Lady. listen to these two songs (and another B1A4 song, So Fine) when you feel ugly and hopefully it works on you. period.

With You VS Road

both songs about friendship, about being there for each other and warm hugs and agape love. there's a major difference though, which is, Road is more relatable to most, I believe and can make anyone cry thinking about their old friends. on the other hand, With You feels more like a song that you can't use for just friends, but it's not exactly romantic neither. while a BABY can feel the love in the lyrics, not many can relate because there's a bit of distance between the singer and the person he's singing to, and it will explain the line "my baby" which most consider as a term for a lover but it's not it's their fans.Yongguk mentioned that With You is not a love song, but more of a song for friends but honestly who calls their friends 'baby'. I don't want to choose a favourite because both songs apply for very different people to me.

Yea that's all. I would take the extra effort to compare the other songs too but B1A4's album tracks are mostly love songs while B.A.P have tracks like Check On and BangX2 which I can't compare to any of B1A4's tracks. also B.A.P's songs are really sad. both albums are slow, but there's hope in B1A4's album, ya nam sayin'? there's Overwhelmed but that's really slow and as much as I love it, there's not a single song similar to it in B.A.P's album hence, no comparison.
also a suggestion, someone should probably check out if some of B.A.P's First Sensibility tracks were actually composed by B1A4's regular composers which should explain the similarities. if I was that girl with the glasses from Criminal Minds I would've crossed over the keyword 'composer' the minute I heard the album but sadly, I don't have her great technology. (I actually checked, a lot of their songs were actually composed by their usual composers, while B1A4's album was mostly composed by Jinyoung with help. this is pure coincidence what the hell.)

lastly, everyone should listen to both albums because they are both amazing groups that I love and adore since their beginnings and until now has brought wonderful music to my life. B.A.P, B1A4, hwaiting!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

video #10 // #ItsMjupDay

I feel my demons misleading me//

I should've posted Youngjae's video here but it's too embarrassing I don't want to.
This one had me put in a bit more effort than Youngjae's video. It's not much better, mind you, but I'm okay with it.
I used to make those videos with a lot of effects and beat-sync stuff but honestly, I listen to very slow techno music so I didn't want to make another sappy video. hence I used an indie song yay. isn't it much brighter? yes? much more up-beat and positive thinking? no? well I tried.
I used a few techniques that EXO editors used for their videos so copyright me as much as you want I created this myself. plus you have the handiness of PS while I purely use SV so please move aside. I just wanted to try something new. and also, probably the most layers I've ever used (probably because that ass backwards video used a lot of layers too I'm just not sure how many). text is not easy to deal with. it looks okay like this, but it looks okay like that too, but which one is BETTER? idk. you don't know. plus font picking is not easy I had been using these two way too much okay.
oh and did I tell you I made this in one day? one very stressful day. I had to cut the song short sorry not sorry. the song was edited in a different day though.

my message to Jongup is in the video so no, this is not a sappy post.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

first sensibility.

ah, yes, they are back... six days after I come back from Korea.. aish shibal...

Cheonsa gateun? chyea, right. I think they're talking about themselves.
Anyway, they're back with a more mature, sensible (?) feel, and with a 'dandy sexy' look. yes sure please put in as much random English words as you can into your 'styles'. I wasn't looking forward to this comeback, honestly. But after the first few teasers my ears caught onto the guitar sounds and you guys know how I love 'em guitars. Totally fell for the opening of the song, then the MV struck me even more with the dance open. That was just awesome. And not to mention unexpected. The rest of the video was as I thought it would be (a lot like Rain Sound, except with less neon paint and a girl this time?!? wow very brave but well majority of BABYs aren't like majority of SM stans cough) and didn't really shock me as much as it made me cry. Yes I did cry a bit. Mostly at Himchan's part. I don't know how it feels like to lose someone you love, but I do know how it feels like to want to shoot yourself when you see yourself in the mirror. but well that's depressing so let's move on with the album tracks.

Is it just me or this style reminds me a lot of B1A4? Or have I been listening to B1A4 too much? thing is I downloaded B1A4's latest album just a few days before the release of First Sensibility and I feel that a lot of the songs are almost similar to B1A4's songs even from previous albums. I followed B1A4 since the beginning and heard all their albums so I think I would know. not saying anything but well, B.A.P is known for their variety. at least not all their songs are like that.

I'm not a fan of the whole album, but there are a few tracks I've come to like such as B.A.P (umm obviously), S.N.S, Check On, Shady Lady, BANGx2 (literally bang my head every time I listen to it) and Save Me. there are a few that I had to get used to like B.A.B.Y, With You and Easy but then there's Lovesick. it sounds like it belongs on a drama OST seriously. a drama production should contact them and ask if they can use it so that they can get more royalty for such a song.
what two songs did I leave out hmm? Body & Soul is very uncomfortable because Jongup's high note. and I just found out the translation. and I am not about to give in to vocal orgasms okay. I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. NOPE. oh and Spy. Spy is okay. I just don't really get the point of the song lmao. but well at least it's catchy.

in total, I give the album a 3.5/5. not exactly my taste, not entirely (they shot in that screamo track and a hip-hop intro in there so I forgive them). I give the M/V a 3.5/5 too, and the 0.5 is for the acting effort I mean Youngjae and that mirror punching thing cries???!?! someone on Tumblr explained the scenes here but I don't think it made the MV better. there wasn't much plot though, except for them being depressing and shit, but the I liked the colours, and the dance is dbfjsad I can't wait to see the whole thing during live. The title track gets a 4/5 because guitar heh. and well yeah. in terms of favouritism towards the album it's similar to No Mercy where the title track is good but the rest of the album... doesn't sound like them? well 1004 still ranks higher than Badman so hah.


Thursday, January 30, 2014

dead leaves.


while in South Korea, I was sharing a room with an unnie and one night she went to another room to pack up her stuff with her family. I was alone in the room so I surfed channels and found a documentary on Arirang. It was about a father from a country I'm not really sure where, probably somewhere in India or somewhere near. He was working in the city, leaving behind his family in the rural area. The narration was of the father's letter to his son. He was reminiscing his life back in his hometown, when he would play around and be careless and he excepts nothing more from his son. He says that this is the time for him to be careless and discover that the world isn't perfect.
He reminisces times when they would make boats that would float on the rivers. He says that now, too, he is learning how to make boats that will work. He says that dreams do come true, but sometimes it doesn't come the way you expect it. There was a line that really caught my attention. He said, "Maybe behind all the noises of the machines here in the city, I'm trying to deafen myself from the voice that rings inside my head, 'what am I doing here?'"

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

south korea tour group.

ref for this blog post.

first row from left; grandma of babies, Jenny, twin's mother, twin's father, girl twin, my mother, me, Kak Huda, Abang Nordin's wife, wife's sister, Pn. Faridah, Aunt of babies, toddler's mother, parents of baby.

second row from left; grandpa of babies, guy twin, BSP, BSP's father, my dad, Kak Yat's husband, Kak Yat, Abang Nordin, Kak Syarifah.


For those who are wondering, I went on a Muslim tour package with Kembara Sufi and I highly recommend you go with them. It was very convenient, and the tour guides were friendly and helpful, plus the price is considerably cheap too. I had a great time.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

true intentions.

안녕하세요 우리 베이비들~ 음..행복한 소식을 들어서 글을 올리려고 합니다! 우리 베이비들이 곧 있을 제 생일날 선물을 보내주시려고 한다고 들었어요! 너무 너무 고맙고 행복한 마음이에요! 너무나도 고맙지만 저는 이미 베이비분들이 주시는 사랑만으로도 더할 나위 없이 행복한 상황이에요! 그래서 이번 제 생일은 저에게 선물을 주시는것 보다 저에게 너무나도 소중한 여러분들 자신에게 선물을 주시는게 더 좋지않을가 하는 제 생각이고 바램이에요! 그래도 혹시나!호~옥시나 선물을 주시고 싶으신 분이 계신다면 저보다는 조금의 도움의 손길이 필요한 친구들에게 선물을 하시면 어떨가 생각해요! 베이비들의 마음과 사랑만으로도 이미 저에게는 너무나도 벅찬 선물이에요^_^! 매번 너무나도 고맙고 사랑해!

"Hello our BABYs~ Um..I heard some good news so I’m going to write something! I heard that our BABYs are going to send me presents for my upcoming birthday! I have such a thankful and happy heart! I’m so thankful but for me even with just the love that BABYs give is the happiest situation of all! So for my birthday, instead of giving the gifts to me I think and it’s my wish that you would give the gifts to yourself, you all who are so precious to me! But just in case! Just~ in case if there are people who want to send a present I wonder how it’ll be if the presents were sent to someone who needs more of a helping hand than me! The heart and love of BABYs is already more than enough of a present for me^_^! I’m always so thankful and I love you!"- Yoo Youngjae, B.A.P

trans. cr; anna @ baptrans


The truth is, after reading this I started crying. Really bad. and I started ranting to Comel, saying how my heart will just break if anything ever happens to these boys. After I copied this and reread it I felt my heart clenching again. I don't know why but it just reminded me that... the world isn't so bad. 
Adults keep telling us, this is all business, ya know? Some of those tweets aren't actually written by them. Look at all the money they're pulling out of your pockets. It's all fame and fortune - they don't actually love you. It's the entertainment industry - there must be strings being pulled around.
Well one thing for sure, I know that if this was written, it means that Youngjae is okay with not getting fortune. At least, not gifts of that sorts. He doesn't want clothes and bears and designer belts. He might want money, yeah who doesn't. This is his job and he deserves whatever money he gets. And it's not a bad job either - there's no cheating around; there's no market price for concert tickets. It's an honest job. And if anything I also know - actually I trust and believe in this - that B.A.P does not use auto-tune. well, in my book auto-tune is cheating. hence they're doing an honest job.
I also know that the fact that Yongguk actually asked for BABYs' permission to give away his plush toys was an honest act. If anything, these little cyber notes left behind by B.A.P shows their true self and that is that they don't care for fame and fortune. Okay maybe a bit of fame goes a long way, since they get to put their message across. But they're not asking for our money - not technically. They just want our support. And I'll keep supporting them.

And how's that for the entertainment industry, adults?

P.S, I feel bad because technically, I'll be an adult myself in four months. Maybe I should find a new phrase like, "older generation" or "Generation X" or something idk

Saturday, January 4, 2014


it hurts me to see Yongguk like this... but as a leader, he has to be strong and I hope he will continue to brave through every challenge like this. I know he's working hard and in one way or another I hope that he wouldn't force himself but it seems unlikely that he'll stop making music just because of things like this. plus the pressure from the company, I'm sure he hadn't even considered a break if the company wouldn't have mentioned it.

well from the start, when this thing came out, I didn't really wanna share it with anyone but I felt that it was important for people to know that everyone goes through rough times and no one deserves to be bashed and called "undeserving" because we don't know what some people had been through to get to where they are. the cycle keeps turning and if a person doesn't deserve what they get, then the wheel will turn again, believe it.
Personally whenever a person bashes B.A.P I don't really wanna care because honestly it's only what I, and the fans think of them that's important, not some brats who decided that this certain group of people doesn't deserve the recognition that they get. but to one point, if it gets to the boys themselves, they would get hurt. and that's the only thing I'm trying to avoid. I don't care about you bastards who can't think humanely when you talk. but you can't hurt my boys.


P.S, I drew henna on my fingers saying "B.A.P" and mom commented that people looked at it weirdly. she told me if I wanted to draw something, I should've drawn like a flower or something. I couldn't really accept what she said. I know she's a bit traditional and would rather go with the norms but I thought she'd know I'm a bit different. and that's the point. people see me and they see a normal teenage girl but then they see my fingers and I look different - I have something going on in my life that I'm passionate about that I wrote it on my skin. not permanently, but it's there. I'm not just a girl. I'm more than what you think.
Plus, it looks badass.