Thursday, January 30, 2014

dead leaves.


while in South Korea, I was sharing a room with an unnie and one night she went to another room to pack up her stuff with her family. I was alone in the room so I surfed channels and found a documentary on Arirang. It was about a father from a country I'm not really sure where, probably somewhere in India or somewhere near. He was working in the city, leaving behind his family in the rural area. The narration was of the father's letter to his son. He was reminiscing his life back in his hometown, when he would play around and be careless and he excepts nothing more from his son. He says that this is the time for him to be careless and discover that the world isn't perfect.
He reminisces times when they would make boats that would float on the rivers. He says that now, too, he is learning how to make boats that will work. He says that dreams do come true, but sometimes it doesn't come the way you expect it. There was a line that really caught my attention. He said, "Maybe behind all the noises of the machines here in the city, I'm trying to deafen myself from the voice that rings inside my head, 'what am I doing here?'"

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

south korea tour group.

ref for this blog post.

first row from left; grandma of babies, Jenny, twin's mother, twin's father, girl twin, my mother, me, Kak Huda, Abang Nordin's wife, wife's sister, Pn. Faridah, Aunt of babies, toddler's mother, parents of baby.

second row from left; grandpa of babies, guy twin, BSP, BSP's father, my dad, Kak Yat's husband, Kak Yat, Abang Nordin, Kak Syarifah.


For those who are wondering, I went on a Muslim tour package with Kembara Sufi and I highly recommend you go with them. It was very convenient, and the tour guides were friendly and helpful, plus the price is considerably cheap too. I had a great time.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

true intentions.

안녕하세요 우리 베이비들~ 음..행복한 소식을 들어서 글을 올리려고 합니다! 우리 베이비들이 곧 있을 제 생일날 선물을 보내주시려고 한다고 들었어요! 너무 너무 고맙고 행복한 마음이에요! 너무나도 고맙지만 저는 이미 베이비분들이 주시는 사랑만으로도 더할 나위 없이 행복한 상황이에요! 그래서 이번 제 생일은 저에게 선물을 주시는것 보다 저에게 너무나도 소중한 여러분들 자신에게 선물을 주시는게 더 좋지않을가 하는 제 생각이고 바램이에요! 그래도 혹시나!호~옥시나 선물을 주시고 싶으신 분이 계신다면 저보다는 조금의 도움의 손길이 필요한 친구들에게 선물을 하시면 어떨가 생각해요! 베이비들의 마음과 사랑만으로도 이미 저에게는 너무나도 벅찬 선물이에요^_^! 매번 너무나도 고맙고 사랑해!

"Hello our BABYs~ Um..I heard some good news so I’m going to write something! I heard that our BABYs are going to send me presents for my upcoming birthday! I have such a thankful and happy heart! I’m so thankful but for me even with just the love that BABYs give is the happiest situation of all! So for my birthday, instead of giving the gifts to me I think and it’s my wish that you would give the gifts to yourself, you all who are so precious to me! But just in case! Just~ in case if there are people who want to send a present I wonder how it’ll be if the presents were sent to someone who needs more of a helping hand than me! The heart and love of BABYs is already more than enough of a present for me^_^! I’m always so thankful and I love you!"- Yoo Youngjae, B.A.P

trans. cr; anna @ baptrans


The truth is, after reading this I started crying. Really bad. and I started ranting to Comel, saying how my heart will just break if anything ever happens to these boys. After I copied this and reread it I felt my heart clenching again. I don't know why but it just reminded me that... the world isn't so bad. 
Adults keep telling us, this is all business, ya know? Some of those tweets aren't actually written by them. Look at all the money they're pulling out of your pockets. It's all fame and fortune - they don't actually love you. It's the entertainment industry - there must be strings being pulled around.
Well one thing for sure, I know that if this was written, it means that Youngjae is okay with not getting fortune. At least, not gifts of that sorts. He doesn't want clothes and bears and designer belts. He might want money, yeah who doesn't. This is his job and he deserves whatever money he gets. And it's not a bad job either - there's no cheating around; there's no market price for concert tickets. It's an honest job. And if anything I also know - actually I trust and believe in this - that B.A.P does not use auto-tune. well, in my book auto-tune is cheating. hence they're doing an honest job.
I also know that the fact that Yongguk actually asked for BABYs' permission to give away his plush toys was an honest act. If anything, these little cyber notes left behind by B.A.P shows their true self and that is that they don't care for fame and fortune. Okay maybe a bit of fame goes a long way, since they get to put their message across. But they're not asking for our money - not technically. They just want our support. And I'll keep supporting them.

And how's that for the entertainment industry, adults?

P.S, I feel bad because technically, I'll be an adult myself in four months. Maybe I should find a new phrase like, "older generation" or "Generation X" or something idk

Saturday, January 4, 2014


it hurts me to see Yongguk like this... but as a leader, he has to be strong and I hope he will continue to brave through every challenge like this. I know he's working hard and in one way or another I hope that he wouldn't force himself but it seems unlikely that he'll stop making music just because of things like this. plus the pressure from the company, I'm sure he hadn't even considered a break if the company wouldn't have mentioned it.

well from the start, when this thing came out, I didn't really wanna share it with anyone but I felt that it was important for people to know that everyone goes through rough times and no one deserves to be bashed and called "undeserving" because we don't know what some people had been through to get to where they are. the cycle keeps turning and if a person doesn't deserve what they get, then the wheel will turn again, believe it.
Personally whenever a person bashes B.A.P I don't really wanna care because honestly it's only what I, and the fans think of them that's important, not some brats who decided that this certain group of people doesn't deserve the recognition that they get. but to one point, if it gets to the boys themselves, they would get hurt. and that's the only thing I'm trying to avoid. I don't care about you bastards who can't think humanely when you talk. but you can't hurt my boys.


P.S, I drew henna on my fingers saying "B.A.P" and mom commented that people looked at it weirdly. she told me if I wanted to draw something, I should've drawn like a flower or something. I couldn't really accept what she said. I know she's a bit traditional and would rather go with the norms but I thought she'd know I'm a bit different. and that's the point. people see me and they see a normal teenage girl but then they see my fingers and I look different - I have something going on in my life that I'm passionate about that I wrote it on my skin. not permanently, but it's there. I'm not just a girl. I'm more than what you think.
Plus, it looks badass.