Wednesday, November 25, 2015
I'm starting to think that my lack of creative output lately is due to the fact that I spend a lot less time alone in college. There is a difference, between being alone like everyone else is asleep and you're up doing accounts and alone like everyone else is asleep and you have all the space in the night to do whatever you want and not be worried of what the person sleeping in the next room is thinking.
I guess it's also the availability to access the internet for more resources, but I've been blaming the lack of internet since forever.
However, the other day I ran out of data and I was left to either do my work (which I have been facing for the past long hours and was getting sick of) or watch movies. So I decided to rewatch Boyhood. Not a lot of people are fond of that movie. Yea, it's a bit slow and there's no climax or real plot there. If anything, his mother had more plots than he did. But that's just it; it's continuous. Even after the movie, Mason Evans Jr is still living his life, and so will we. His boyhood had been put down in 3 hours for us to reflect our own childhood, for us to go through our own nostalgia through the eras that is reflected throughout the movie. It's not the best movie I've ever watched, but it is a good movie.
Anyway, after I watched the movie I decided to go to bed. Before that, I wrote a little bit in my journal. I think, when we're alone, we're much more honest to who we are. We're less vulnerable to act based on what you want other people to think of you. We listen to music based on what we hear and not on what others hear. I realized that I don't like listening to the radio because that's what everyone else is listening to - that's what everyone is liking. I also hate that when I go on a car ride with someone and that person goes all "Ugh, I hate this song." Sometimes it's because I like that song, but other times it's because I don't want her opinion to effect mine. The more time I spend with just one person, the more that person will rub on me. I've seen it happen one too many times.
Point is, I wonder if in this age, where we're still, I believe, trying to discover ourselves, it's better to be alone more often or to be with others more often. Maybe that introvert-extrovert thing has something to do with this - some find themselves in people around them, and others find it in solitary.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
I remember in high school people told me to not worry about things in the future, and that I should just concentrate on studying and doing well for my SPM.
Now I'm worrying about way too many other things and I know my examinations are important but I don't like it to be. Experiencing a life where you don't have to be the smartest or most studious to succeed or be liked makes me feel like there's more to this than staying up late just to finish memorizing my slides. I want to work on those other things; either possible or not, instead. But I guess this is a good emotional break. At least I don't have to feel so many emotions for a few days.
But really, people will continuously told us, as high school students, that we shouldn't worry about the economy or politics or social justice, and suddenly we were thrown into college being expected to know more about the world than our parents do. Being the next generation, I know it's our responsibility, but I hated it when they say "Just concentrate on your studies for now" and then expect us to know better. Thank you very much for raising me up with all the knowledge of the world and then giving me a scholarship to do something that I can't see myself doing in the future.
Opening up to the world of art slowly, I'm realizing that I probably would do better taking fine arts than graphic design & animation. This is mostly because I am not open to the world of film & animation or entertainment. I don't know the mainstream culture and I draw emotionally; meaning I don't cater to the public's preference. I would also die as an architect. If anything, if I had to do engineering, I probably would. It has a better future than graphic design, that's for sure.
I guess at this point, I'm hoping Allah has a better plan for me. Because I don't know if I'm happy - I probably am, but I'm scared too. Scared that I have nothing to look forward to anymore. The future has too much potential - both in succeeding and failing, and I'm scared to find out.
Saturday, February 14, 2015