Tuesday, March 10, 2015


I remember in high school people told me to not worry about things in the future, and that I should just concentrate on studying and doing well for my SPM.

Now I'm worrying about way too many other things and I know my examinations are important but I don't like it to be. Experiencing a life where you don't have to be the smartest or most studious to succeed or be liked makes me feel like there's more to this than staying up late just to finish memorizing my slides. I want to work on those other things; either possible or not, instead. But I guess this is a good emotional break. At least I don't have to feel so many emotions for a few days.

But really, people will continuously told us, as high school students, that we shouldn't worry about the economy or politics or social justice, and suddenly we were thrown into college being expected to know more about the world than our parents do. Being the next generation, I know it's our responsibility, but I hated it when they say "Just concentrate on your studies for now" and then expect us to know better. Thank you very much for raising me up with all the knowledge of the world and then giving me a scholarship to do something that I can't see myself doing in the future.

Opening up to the world of art slowly, I'm realizing that I probably would do better taking fine arts than graphic design & animation. This is mostly because I am not open to the world of film & animation or entertainment. I don't know the mainstream culture and I draw emotionally; meaning I don't cater to the public's preference. I would also die as an architect. If anything, if I had to do engineering, I probably would. It has a better future than graphic design, that's for sure.

I guess at this point, I'm hoping Allah has a better plan for me. Because I don't know if I'm happy - I probably am, but I'm scared too. Scared that I have nothing to look forward to anymore. The future has too much potential - both in succeeding and failing, and I'm scared to find out.