Wednesday, November 25, 2015

alone.

(this was written in October, I think?)

I'm starting to think that my lack of creative output lately is due to the fact that I spend a lot less time alone in college. There is a difference, between being alone like everyone else is asleep and you're up doing accounts and alone like everyone else is asleep and you have all the space in the night to do whatever you want and not be worried of what the person sleeping in the next room is thinking.

I guess it's also the availability to access the internet for more resources, but I've been blaming the lack of internet since forever.

However, the other day I ran out of data and I was left to either do my work (which I have been facing for the past long hours and was getting sick of) or watch movies. So I decided to rewatch Boyhood. Not a lot of people are fond of that movie. Yea, it's a bit slow and there's no climax or real plot there. If anything, his mother had more plots than he did. But that's just it; it's continuous. Even after the movie, Mason Evans Jr is still living his life, and so will we. His boyhood had been put down in 3 hours for us to reflect our own childhood, for us to go through our own nostalgia through the eras that is reflected throughout the movie. It's not the best movie I've ever watched, but it is a good movie.

Anyway, after I watched the movie I decided to go to bed. Before that, I wrote a little bit in my journal. I think, when we're alone, we're much more honest to who we are. We're less vulnerable to act based on what you want other people to think of you. We listen to music based on what we hear and not on what others hear. I realized that I don't like listening to the radio because that's what everyone else is listening to - that's what everyone is liking. I also hate that when I go on a car ride with someone and that person goes all "Ugh, I hate this song." Sometimes it's because I like that song, but other times it's because I don't want her opinion to effect mine. The more time I spend with just one person, the more that person will rub on me. I've seen it happen one too many times.

Point is, I wonder if in this age, where we're still, I believe, trying to discover ourselves, it's better to be alone more often or to be with others more often. Maybe that introvert-extrovert thing has something to do with this - some find themselves in people around them, and others find it in solitary.