Saturday, February 20, 2016

to anak-anak arts, before we're even halfway through our last semester.

They say by the time one turns 20, they have lived enough to write.

I have less than 3 months left.

I got that quote from that movie Stuck In Love by the way, go ahead and watch it to catch who exactly 'they' is.
I'm typing this in a bus, and I find myself wanting to write at the oddest times like these, because I've been thinking, and there are things that i want to say, and i am alone with no one to say it to.

Today was the last day of a carnival that I participated in. I had fun, I felt a bunch of emotions, sometimes i regretted not saying anything, sometimes i regretted saying anything at all, and sometimes i'm glad i said what i did. I can't find a time i was glad i didn't say anything, and i'm not really sure if that's because it's very usual for me to not say anything or because the timing was just never on my side.

I made friends. I don't know if a lot of things will change but working together really helped our relationship.

I don't know. Maybe it's because (to me) friends from the same course will always feel like a competition somehow. When I should look at them as colleagues; someone I can share the burden with, someone who can help.

I like them. But the timing never seems right.

Or maybe people make things happen no matter what the timing and i'm just a coward.

(Or maybe i just hated it when she slapped you with a fan, talking in a loud high pitch voice, and made you laugh, or maybe i hate the fact that i know you looked at me, and maybe sometimes i look at you too, and you're just making this awkward stop, what are your intentions? I wish i knew so that i can stop hoping) (and coincidentally you made me laugh and i still hate you, or maybe i hate the fact that i like you)

I was thinking about how i had a great time, and that Amir (who has been helping a LOT), Radhii (who helped out when we were under handed), Nek, Qas (who both stopped by and supported us), and Hazwan (who barely helped at all but still) couldn't join the group photo in the end. And thinking about it made me feel sad and I thought to myself, i'm an emotional roller coaster. Events. Sometimes i wish they would never end.

I can't wait for us to go on a field trip. I hope we have one before we fly. I guess i found these people a bit too late and opened up myself to them too little. Anak-Anak Arts, you guys are like my second class. I probably will never forget you guys and the stuff we did together. I'm really glad. I don't know how else to say it. Of course, i'm not done yet, i wanna do more with you guys, so much more, and i'm just waiting, waiting, before our time in INTEC ends.

-Out.

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