Monday, July 18, 2016

Dear Moon Jongup,

Oppa, it's tough, honestly. I still feel alone, even though I know I'm not and that many had gone through tougher times than me. I should be grateful for where I am now, today. About an hour or more ago I was dancing to Fly by GOT7; not because I'm good at dancing and do it often (actually I'm so bad at dancing I only do it at midnight when no one is watching. But the house we're renting in Tg Malim barely has anything so there's a lot of space for me to practice and it feels awesome) but because during the day I'm fasting so I can't exercise even though I want to. I talk a bit too much and walk too much by 6 I'd feel really dehydrated so I avoid unneccessary movements. I've only felt it recently but really my body isn't very fit so I'll do whatever exercise I can get for now. But wow, Fly is really hard. I mean I don't even dare challenge B.A.P's dancing (mostly because it's usually really manly and I hate big movements so Fly's cool, small gestures seems to fit my laziness most) but I really like dancing to Just Right and that'a usually easy and cute, but Fly made me sweat so much haha. Anyway it was good exercise.

I actually wanted to talk about my university preparations but there's a lot of unneccessary details and  it's keeping me awake at night. Some times I wonder if we could have done things sooner, but when I think about it, we've continuously been trying our best to get things to work and I'm almost succeeding, but not everything is ready for me alone on a silver plate. Of course there are a lot of other people out there who needs help more than I do, so I won't complain. I hope we all endure out challenges well. When I think about enduring, I start thinking about all those people who couldn't endure and end up taking their own life. I start crying whenever I listen to Nell's The Day Before because the music video showed Lee Minki committing suicide and his friend is recording him; sort of assisting him with his will. It's sad to think about all those people we can't help, especially our own friends. In the end, no matter how much we care for a person, in the end it is up to the person itself to endure all that pain. I learned that God doesn't give us challenges that he knows we can't endure, so it makes me stronger thinking that God believes in me to be stronger than the person I think I am. I hope you too endure well.

Pray that my university will reply to my email as soon as possible!